


Horizons

by triggermoreliketiger



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Genderfluid Character, Kinda, Lots of Angst, M/M, Machines, Multi, Slow Burn, Some Fluff, high-key victorian times inspired, like it's pretty slow, not super slow but still slow, steampunk sides, vic writes Horizons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 04:57:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 56,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15744741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triggermoreliketiger/pseuds/triggermoreliketiger
Summary: --- ts-storytime big bang fic 2018 submission ---The life of Roman del Rey was planned to the bits. Born in a wealthy family he was supposed to take over his father’s business. His last moments of freedom? The journey abroad. He couldn’t have predicted that when he would come back, everything he knew was about to change.On the opposide side of social ladder, the genius inventor- Logan Sanders was struggling to make it through another day. His only chance? Get himself a sponsor rich enough to fund another year of Logan’s work. He couldn’t know that his last chance would blew up right into his face.





	1. Roman's Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Triggers: blood, mentions of death, social injustice, homophobia, swearing
> 
> Additional information: The world that I tried to create was slightly inspired with Victorian era, so you can say that this fic is about steampunk sides. I tried to do as much of research as possible but of course not everything is 100% accurate. I would like to add that how you interpret the universe is completely up to you. Let your creativity flow and have a nice read.

**Chapter 1**

 

The rain was pouring since the early morning, coloring the world with strange mix of grey, dirty blue and fresh green. The spring was at its peak when Roman left his residence to set off on his journey to faraway country on the east to pursue his education. It was his father's order and he was learnt to obey everything his father said. His word meant everything to the young and only heir of the great del Rey family.

Roman stroked his long locks, which he put into a neat braid. The sound made with his, recently very fashionable leather, boots bounced across the whole residence. Slowly, taking his time, he was crossing the rooms, he was raised in since the day he was born. He knew that he would miss his father, he knew that he would miss his mother and the familiar garden shooting with palette of greens through the windows. But his education was more important. He was an heir. And being an heir meant a big responsibility.

The strange country, foreign language and big city-life didn't frighten him at all. In fact there was very few things that scared Roman. Although this weather outside... He was a little bit concerned if the mud wouldn't soil his boots too much. He wanted to look at his best when he would leave his motherland tonight.

Full of pride Roman walked into the dining room where his mother along with his father were already consuming the breakfast.

"Good morning mother, father." Roman bowed respectfully, earning a pleasant smile from both of his parents. Showing too much affection wasn't a common thing in this house. It was considered inappropriate although Roman could never quite understand why. He slipped onto his chair and waited for the servant to pour him some tea into his cup.

"Are you ready for your great adventure son?" asked Linda del Rey politely.

"Even if I was to wait a little bit longer, I wouldn't be more ready." smiled Roman carefully putting a piece of ham into his mouth.

"Remember not to bring shame on this family Roman. I strongly believe that you know how a young del Rey should act." pointed Jose del Rey, not even looking at his only child.

"Of course, father. I wish for nothing more than to add more pride and splendor to our name." replied Roman carefully picking each word. Talking with his parents was like creating a bouquet of flowers. Each word had a separate meaning and putting them all together could either bring anger or satisfaction.

Roman looked at his father. He chose well- the corners of Jose's lips gently quirked up.

"I want to introduce you to the court when you will come back, Roman. I hope that this is enough of a reward for you." declared the head of the family.

An explosion of dreams and plans filled Roman's heart. He was suspecting that his father would plan that but hearing about it just now, before leaving, meant that it was a serious plan. Of course Roman had been taking part in few social events so far but getting introduce to the court? That was a huge deal. His lips tackled to spread in a big smile but he knew he shouldn't do that.

"Oh, what a pleasant surprise father. I promise I won't let you down." he bowed politely, taking a sip of the tea.

"We believe in you Roman." smiled lady Linda who stayed silent throughout the most part of the breakfast.

The door opened quietly and the old butler slipped into the room. He stayed next to the door waiting for a sign from the head of the family.

"Yes, Arthur?" asked finally Jose, back-facing the butler.

"The carriage and mister Roman's luggage are waiting, sir." bowed Arthur.

"I understand. You can leave now Arthur." replied  sir Harris shortly before putting another spoon of thick jelly into his mouth. Lord Jose del Rey was quite muscular man but the amount of food he was eating every day could suggest that he had two stomachs. His dark hair, few shades darker than Roman's were neatly combed behind, making him look even more intimidating. He shared a great passion for good business that could make his factories even more successful and he hoped that one day Roman would take over the same track. That's why he was willing to pay all his money for Roman's education overseas.

The family all together walked out of the room following the head of the house. Lady Linda was proudly walking on the right side of her husband, her steps quiet and careful, while Roman, walking on the left side, kept his head up scanning his surroundings. He knew that he wouldn't arrive home until the late summer next year. His heart was filled with excitement.

Roman looked at his reflection in the big, crystal-clear window they were passing. His honey-brown loose but neat braid was softly jumping up and down at the level of his shoulders. His perfectly white buttoned jacket, was tugging his body showing off his slim body. The only thing that bothered him were these small freckles decorating his nose. A pleasant "addition" he got from his mother's genes.

The family walked out of the residence. A group of servants with umbrellas immediately ran to them, saving the family from cold rain-drops. Arthur was holding the door to the carriage opened. Roman turned to face his parents to see a pinch of affection on their face. His heart flipped a little bit as he noticed that his mother's eyes were a little bit watery.

"This is it, Roman," whispered Lord Jose, smiling softly. It was the first time Roman saw him smiling like that. It seemed almost unreal. "You are finally ready to explore the world." he patted his son's shoulder.

"But I will be back father." responded Roman quietly. Lady Linda discreetly wiped the water in the corner of her eyes.

"We will be awaiting you at the horizon son. May the God bless you in your journey." she said before wrapping her slim arms around Roman. Unable to stop himself he hugged back. For a tiny moment he felt like he was still a little boy, who cried a lot and placed kisses on everything what he found beautiful. But this age passed long time ago. And nothing could bring it back. Lord Jose cleared his throat, muttering something about servants presence.

Linda and Roman parted quickly.

"Write letters often, Roman." said Linda quietly.

"I will, mother. And I will make sure to make you feel proud of your son, father." Roman bowed for the last final time and turned around on the heel of his boot. Hollow sound of his steps mixed with the pattering song of the spring rain.

Roman jumped into the carriage. It was warm and dark inside, creating a little private space for him to rest before getting on the ship. He looked through the window. Jose and Linda were still standing on the stairs. Linda raised her hand and shyly waved to Roman. Knowing that he’s well hidden in the shadow Roman grinned broadly. Something his father would never allow to do in the presence of the servants. Suddenly the carriage moved on, causing Roman to almost fall off his seat. He quickly moved closer to the window, trying to catch one final sight of his home.

Soon his parent’s silhouettes turned into small dots and finally they disappeared completely behind the thick streams of the rain. Roman stretched out arms and swallowed the lump that was forming down his throat. He would not allow himself to cry. Not now that happiness was eating him alive and that freedom was just few steps away.

~~~

The air smelt differently and the carriage was much less comfortable than his family’s one but Roman didn’t want to complain. As soon as he stood on the ground of the harbor in this strange country where people, even the noble ones, didn’t tie their hair, he felt that maybe this adventure wouldn’t be as pleasant as he expected. The man who picked him up from the port, asked to call him “Uncle Jonathan” but Roman couldn’t bring himself to do that, after all they weren’t related, so he decided to stick to “sir”. Apparently that was incredibly funny but Roman couldn’t understand why.

It took them almost an hour to finally reach the residence which was supposed to be Roman’s home for next year and a half. During that time, Jonathan explained to Roman that he’s not the only person who’s living there to pursue his education but the other one was quite… extravagant.

“Why is that so?” asked Roman a little bit hesitantly. He didn’t want to share the roof with a mad-man after all.

“Hmm… How do I say it in your language…” hummed Jonathan, he knew English pretty well but he rarely had occasion to use it in the real life. “Let’s say that you haven’t met anyone like them. But they’re harmless believe me.”

“They?” repeated Roman, making sure if he heard well “But you’ve said before that it’s only one person.”

Jonathan laughed again.

“You’ll meet them and you’ll see. Your country is after all pretty old-fashioned when it comes to terms like this but don’t worry. I’m sure that you will be just fine.”

Roman nodded forcing a faint smile on his face. He didn’t feel good or fine now. With every minute, with every hole in the road, with every jump of the carriage, more and more Roman missed home. The air still smelt like sea and salt even though they left the harbor long time again. It was stinging his nose and the caused very unappreciated wetness in the corners of his brown eyes. As if that wasn’t enough his hair was curling terribly, the braid was barely holding them tied up.

He glanced through the window. The city was bubbling with colors, scents and loud, obnoxious voices. Roman’s head was pounding, this whole scenery was too overwhelming to him. Suddenly his gaze crossed with the gaze of some young man, standing on the corner of the street. The male was tall and handsome, his clothes looked expensive and elegant and something about him reminded Roman of all these boring to death, lords and sirs who were so often guests at his house. Something clenched in Roman’s chest and he teared away his gaze, missing a wink the man sent him. He didn’t leave the country to fall into the arms of something yet so monotonous and familiar. He’s here to explore and finally seek for something new and exciting. Roman’s hands curled into small, tender fists, he was going to enjoy himself while he still could. He was eighteen and as soon as he would be back, he would have to grow up, which led to, basing on what he noticed in the eyes of the other aristocrats, growing old very quickly. And Roman, Roman wanted much more than this.

~~~

Joan turned out to be one of the most amazing people Roman had ever encountered in his life. They were funny, they were smart and intelligent and they were very adventurous. And it was adventurous in the way Roman had never knew. For Roman being adventurous meant staying outside the house after the sundown, for Joan it was something normal. At first it was hard for Roman, raised in a very traditional way, to understand why Joan told him to address them per “they/them” but after the long, deep conversation they shared a few nights after Roman had appeared in the household, the young aristocrat understood, finally, that this journey would really open him up to the world.

So many thing were waiting for him to be discovered. Suddenly his home, his residence seemed ridiculously closed for the world with its stiffness and rules. Joan started slowly pulling Roman out of his shell and Roman enjoyed that a lot.

“Hey, Roman?” asked Joan one late evening when both of them were surprisingly at home. Roman was fiddling with the laced collar of his shirt, spread across the bed in his room. Joan was casually sitting near the fireplace, their shirt half-unbuttoned. A few months ago, Roman would be taken away with that nudity Joan was showing so openly, but by now he had learnt that human’s body is actually nothing to be ashamed of. Another lesson that Joan had taught him.

“Yes?” Roman prompted on his elbow, directing his gaze at Joan. Their eyes were half-dreamy but through the hazy curtain Roman could see that there was something that bothered his friend. “Are you in need of assistance?”

Joan snorted quietly. Their gaze softened a little bit as he turned his face to Roman.

“I told you to give up on this fancy style of yours.” They pointed, smirking a little bit.

“It’s not easy, you know?” laughed Roman, letting his scarf to slide down his shoulder. “Besides, when I will come back home, I will have to use more elaborated way of speaking again…...always picking my words, having to be so careful... what would they think...” 

A flash of nostalgia ran through his head, as his hand ran through his hair. Roman’s parents would surely be disappointed in him if they found out how easily Roman pushed his studies from the pedestal. Education was still important to him but he had quickly learnt that he may as well do something more exciting like theatre or late-night expeditions…

“Oh, no, no, no, Roman. I don’t want to see that sad frown on your face again.” Joan got up and quickly moved beside Roman sitting next to him.

“It’s just hard something… Knowing that my parents would never approve what I do here. Oh God…” Roman hid his face in his hands “I remember father telling me that theater is a low art which brings storm to the calm soul of young people. I remember mother telling me that drinking makes one more stupid. I remember them telling me that I should never allow others to see me in such an 'indecent condition' that is an unbuttoned shirt. Not even before the girl I fancy… I…”

Joan let out a bark of laughter. Roman arched his eyebrow.

“What is so funny about my misery?” he couldn’t help but feel a little bit hurt. These rules might seem ridiculous to Joan but they formed Roman’s life, that’s how his parents raised him and now he felt as if he was destroying everything they had ever put into his head.

“The girl you fancy Roman?” Joan responded with a question. Their voice was mocking, with a little pinch of a challenge but Roman couldn’t catch just why it was like that. Instead he raised his eyebrow even more. Joan laughed again. As if they knew something Roman didn’t know and Roman didn’t like being laughed at.

“Oh my God!” gasped out Joan holding their stomach, trying to stop themselves from that frantic laughter. The tips of Roman’s ear started burning a little bit. Few minutes later, Joan all of sudden went silent, straightening up and cautiously checking on Roman. They quietly let a whistle “Oh shit man.”

“What?” grumped Roman, crossing arms on his chest. The silky material slipped across his skin but it didn’t calm him down at all.

“Don’t tell me that…” Joan crossed their knee, slightly nudging Roman’s leg “Don’t tell me that you were serious.”

“About what?”

“About that girl part.” Joan’s voice was almost laces with worry.

“Of course I was. I mean that how all the process before marriage works, right?” Roman tilted his head. Joan and him were raised in two completely different countries but some stuff… work the same everywhere right? “I find the girl I fancy, well-born and elegant and I try to impress her by performing some grand gesture in front of her parents and then I-“

“Dude, I mean no offence, but you are obviously not into girls.” Joan’s words cut the air like a razor-sharp knife, making Roman breathless. Joan blinked, shifting uncomfortably in their spot. “I mean… correct me if I’m wrong. We never talked about it but I’m pretty sure you flirted with one or two guys, right in front of me and they totally were pining after you and you didn’t put them down and I just assumed that…”

“Oh my God.” Escaped from Roman’s mouth. “Oh my God.” He repeated, his hands tugging into his long locks. It made sense. He had always assumed that he was just growing up slowly, that’s why he had never showed any romantic affection for women but now that he thought about it… “So it wasn’t a playful banter with that guy yesterday?” his eyes looked for confirmation on Joan’s face.

“Oh it was a playful banter.” Crowed Joan “But in a very flirty way. I mean… This guy’s eyes were literally smoldering hot when you pulled up your sleeves.”

“Oh.” Whispered Roman, staring blankly into the void, trying to let the information into his heart, mind and soul “He was pretty hot.”

Joan happily patted Roman’s knee.

“Yes, he was!”

Roman’s dusty pink lips curled up into a shy smile. A small blush bloomed on his cheeks. To be quickly washed away with another frown.

“My parents would never agree on this.” His father’s strict face flashed in front of his eyes “I am meant to marry a rich girl with perfect manners, charming smile and good genes.”

Joan lied down on the mattress, sticking their arm under their head. Roman’s gaze never left his friend. He learnt to value Joan’s advices and opinions even though sometimes they were so different from Roman’s preferred solution. Even if at the end Roman didn’t follow them, he liked to hear his friend out.

“Sometimes Roman you have to do you.” Hummed Joan quietly, their dark, rich eyes fixed into the ceiling, apparently recalling something from their past “Don’t get me wrong, your future seems amazing from what you’ve told me but the question is if it’s your amazing or your parents amazing?” they moved  their line of sight  back at Roman “or maybe it’s society’s amazing?”

“I… I don’t know…” admitted Roman after few minutes of silence.

“Dude, not going to lie… I have no idea what happens when we die. That’s why we should make use of what he have now. Just live your life Roman, even if it requires to say no sometimes. Live your life, Roman, because who  knows when you will find yourself in the middle of the void. Look at me.” Roman’s gaze travelled from Joan’s feet to meet their eyes. Joan let the moment sink in before continuing the topic, swallowing the lump in their throat. “Do you think my parents liked when I told them I don’t identify myself as the gender I was biologically born with? Wrong. They freaked out. But I played it well. I was about to leave the town on the next day anyway. I just left few hours earlier. Now, we have made progress, we write letters but I know that we will never come back to what we used to have.”

“Sorry… I had no idea…” apologized Roman shyly.

“Of course you didn’t. I don’t like talking about that. But do I let this define my life? Absolutely  not.” Joan shook a head “Even if it didn’t start well, even with the problems, I felt that it was right. That’s how I knew that I would be alright- it felt right. It didn’t feel good. It just felt right to be this way.”

Roman gently grabbed Joan’s hand, rubbing small circles. Their pulse was a little bit faster than usual and Roman in order to ease the stress, started humming. Finally Joan pulled away their hand.

“Let me ask you a question Roman.” Their voice ringed in Roman’s ears. “Think wisely before answering this…”

Roman took in a deep breath and nodded silently. The shadow on the walls, in a twisted way copied his movements.

“What do you like Roman? What gives you that pleasant, dizzy feeling. Is it those numbers you’re studying? Or is it something else?”

Roman rubbed his temple. What made him dizzy. What caused his smile? What  _ felt _ good?

“I mean…” he pop opened the button of his shirt “I like theatre… and music… and art… creating in general…” Roman came back to these precious memories of his piano lessons. He was always praised by his teacher, but it stopped after his 13 th birthday. He then started his ‘proper’ education which would be useful in his adult life. Oh, what would Roman give to sit behind a piano again…

Joan nodded proudly.

“Never forget that Roman.” They got up from the bed “I’m not saying you should do what I did to leave everything and never look back but sometimes…. You have to decide if you chase after your dreams or replace them with new ones.” Joan’s hand rested on the door knob. “Never forget about what makes you happy, Roman.” They said quietly and disappeared behind the door, leaving Roman alone with his thoughts.

 

The first time Roman kissed another male was merely 3 months later after the talk. He didn't even know how did it happen. Maybe it was the alcohol Roman wasn't so keen on avoiding anymore or maybe it was the way his eyes lightened up when Roman put his hand on his waist when they were dancing. At first, the dance was subtle and slow, their fingers barely brushing- but as the pianist hit the more defined and energetic tones, Roman's control snapped like a thin brunch. Soon the man's hair was ruffled and sweaty, his tie was hanging loosely around the neck. The kiss was burning with passion, hesitant at first, slowly turned into pure fire. Only Joan's sober mind stopped Roman from going a step further. They stepped between the pair a moment before stanger started unbuttoning Roman's expensive and neat shirt.

"I think that's enough of that." said Joan and dragged their tipsy friend away.

"But why-?" groaned Roman, seeing that man disappearing in the crowd.

"As much as I'm glad that you're finally giving yourself a little bit of credit and start enjoying your life, this guy..." Joan pointed at the crowd in general "Isn't worth it. Especially when you're drunk. Besides weren't you the one who told me to save grand romantic gestures for one and true love? That was not your one and true love, Roman." explained Joan quietly.

"But what am I supposed to do with the problem noooow?" asked Roman glancing down suggestively.

Joan chuckled bitterly.

"That's why I strongly believe that we should have sexual education..." they mumbled under their breath "That, my dude is not my problem but yours. Jesus, you're really like a child. For over 18 years locked under the key, you know nothing about life." they threw their hands in the air.

Roman blinked few times trying to comprehend what Joan meant. Sadly his blurred and drunk mind wasn't in the logically thinking state.

"Teach me then!" Roman laughed hysterically "Teach me everything!"

"I'm trying." sighed Joan, taking Roman's arm and putting it around their shoulders "But it's hard when your student is drunk like a fucking skunk."

Roman giggled in response.

 

Soon it became clear to Joan that if they wouldn't tame Roman who was like a rabid beast with loosened leash, they would have a huge problem on their head. Roman with his romantic personality and his pre-eminence, seemed to think that the whole world was his now that he wasn't under control of his stiff parents. And as much as Joan liked the changes they observed in the younger friend, they were worried about him frantically. Above all Roman was gentle and delicate soul, after Joan told him that to cry is a human thing, he would cry constantly over even the smallest thing. Aside of that he was constantly putting himself on heartbreaks, looking for the man that seemed the one and only for him. In the moments of reflection, he was apathetic and torpid, constantly asking Joan what would Roman's parents say if they saw him being reckless like that. Roman being completely driven with new, exciting life and perspectives, didn't notice Joan's problems until one day, they told him to sit down and listen. The look on their face was serious and something about it faintly reminded Roman if his own father.

"Roman, I'm not here to scold you." started Joan. Their unkempt hair were much shorter than Roman's and yet it always looked much more messy. The collar of their shirt needed a little bit of ironing along with the silky, broad ribbon loosely tied between their collarbones. "I don't want to boast about knowing more about life than you do. I want to point out to you some things that may bring you trouble in the future."

Roman popped open the first, silver button of his shirt. He had just came back from his tutor's house and his head was still spinning from the amount of latin quotes and economics. Joan waited a few seconds in case Roman wanted to postpone the conversation but met with nothing but silence, they continues the subject.

"You have a very... colorful persona, Roman. I've never met someone so fanciful in romance in my life. I have no idea if it's because you've been keeping that side of yourself hidden or if it's just because you are you but... It occurs to me that recently you've been quite..." Joan sighed trying to find the right word. The small speech they prepared flew out of their head. They were looking at Roman and they saw someone much more than just a confused person "...lost about that, Roman. And that's alright, people get lost all the time but... I just don't want to watch you painfully fall down when you think that you're flying up in the sky."

Roman's bright eyes sparkled a little bit with anger. Joan suspected that it may happen. Aside of many wonderful traits, Roman was also quite short-tempered. Sometimes it felt almost impossible for such a delicate and quite short person to have so much of wild anger bubbling inside. Whenever Roman's attitude was showing his hair seemed to shine a vivid ginger shade along with the freckles that were decorating his cheeks and bridge of the nose. It looked both frightening and utterly adorable.

"You were the one who encouraged me to enjoy the life, Joan." he said quietly, slowly leaning against the back of the sofa. Even in this situation Roman's perfect manners and the way his was raised in, was shining like a diamond. Legs were perfectly close to each other, not revealing the wild emotions which were beaming from his eyes. Arms folded on the chest, only whitening knuckles delicately suggesting to Joan that Roman' anger was raising up.

"I know, but I didn't mean it that way." Joan shook their head, now or never "I do think that I have something that can replace your daily check-ups at the local pub though."

Roman raised his eyebrow and Joan smiled in his heart. At least he managed to get him interested that was a big step forward.

"Being quite a romantic you are and having very delicate hands, I thought that maybe you would be interested in pursuing art department. I’ve mentioned liking arts so… I found you few people who are willing to help you develop yourself in that particular area." Said Joan, a little bit hesitantly. Everything about Roman screamed creativity. From the way he tied his long, curly hair, to his handwriting. He could be a professional artist if he wasn't born on such a high position. But for now... Art as a hobby could work just as well. "It could also help you keep your temper under control. You could pour your feelings onto the paper. How does it sound?" asked Joan tantiously watching Roman.

At first his face showed no emotions but soon a board, blinding white smile spread from his left to his right cheek. In a matter of seconds from grumpy angry child Roman turned into passionate, excited with new possibilities young artist.

"I would love to try that."

~~~

The months passed quicker than Roman thought. His tutors were very pleased with the results of their work. Even though Roman gained an opinion of fire spirit, full of surprised, not even once he neglected his education. He had been sending letters to his parents regularly. With time the replies became much shorter and rarer but Roman didn't pay much attention to that, completely swallowed with his  new life. Joan became his best friend and life-guard. Looking back Roman would say that Joan taught him more about life than his tutors did. And that this knowledge was much more useful than numbers and latin.

On the last month of his journey Roman grew sad and anxious. The perspective of going back home... to the cold rooms, strict parents and lonely nights... It terrified him. With a strike of luck he managed to postpone his departure with another month but it didn't ease his nerves.

Finally the day came. He was once again standing in the harbour, his host's servant was dragging Roman's luggage on the ship. The bags and chests were hiding his new, much more extravagant clothes, interesting, controversial even books and art. A lot of art. Because Roman, to his own surprise, found an artist in himself. He learnt how to play piano, and he was told to be good at it. He also started painting. Everything- portraits, landscapes and still nature. He also dared to take some of his sculptures. Having clay under his fingers, forming it into whatever shape he wanted and then carefully covering them with special paint- Roman loved that. He was scared that most of his art would not be appreciated by his parents, after all it wasn't a typical hobby for a man from his social class, but he was determined to keep at least these few pieces of art. The rest of them, he left in Joan's caring hands.

Roman wrapped his arms around Joan. Over that time he didn't grew much taller than Joan themselves.

"I'm going to miss you, dear friend." sobbed Roman silently to Joan's ear.

They gently patted Roman's back with a knot in their stomach.

"I will miss you too, you idiot." they whispered back.

Neither of them said goodbye, neither of them asked if they were going to see each other again. These questions were way to heavy.

Adjusting his neat tailcoat, Roman turned around on his heels. He couldn't look Joan into eyes. he knew that if he did, he would cry down. And marking from today, he couldn't cry as much as he used to for past few months. Roman walked through the bridge connecting the ship with the harbour. He leaned on the balustrade and looked down. Joan was wiping their unspilled tears with lacy handkerchief. It was a gift from Roman himself.

Roman stayed on the deck until the land he was living at disappeared on the horizon. Only then he went to his private cabin where he bursted into hot tears.

A few hours after he left, Joan received a letter from their host. Addressed to Roman del Ray. Joan ripped off the envelope and quickly read the content of the letter. After they finished reading the short messaged they cursed loudly, letting their tears flow.

The message was clear: Roman shouldn't have gone back to his homeland. Nothing but ash and dirt was waiting there for him.

~~~

Roman heart was pounding when he finally saw the shore of his home country. It seemed so grey compared to the place he left merely few days ago. The journey itself was nice, the sea was peaceful but Roman's anxiety was raising with every hit of the wave. Aside of his fear of what his parents would think of him, so changed, so different, he couldn't help but feel that he missed something. Something between the neat lines his mother wrote to him in her letters.

Stepping off the deck Roman scanned the crowd. He was waiting for some kind of welcoming from his parents, who knows maybe they would even come personally to meet their son. But none of the faces looked familiar, not even the slightest. The crowd was growing smaller and smaller until Roman was left alone with his heavy baggage.

He looked like a lost exotic bird in the middle of grey judge built on steam and coal. His clothes were slowly changing color from shining beige and crimson into something much more deemed and grey. He felt as the heavy, suffocating ash was hugging his lungs from the inside. He coughed loudly, raising the handkerchief to his mouth. Hopeless and terrified Roman fell on his luggage.

"Maybe there was some mistake..." he mumbled to himself, trying to hold back his tears. Was he not wanted here? Did his letter went missing? Where were the servants of his family? Why was he... alone?

Suddenly Roman heard someone's steps and he ducked up his head. An old, poor-looking man was approaching him and once again fear stung Roman's heart. He knew he was an easy target. His hand rested on the blade which he cautiously hung around his waist when the ship was anchoring in the harbour. Yet something about his man... seemed familiar. Roman gasped.

"Arthur? Arthur is that you?" he asked quietly and the man nodded.

"It seems that the message I've sent to young sire, hasn't arrived on time." he shook his head sadly "Young sire shouldn't have come back here. There's no place for you, sir, in here."

Roman laughed nervously.

"What do you mean, Arthur? This is my home. Where is the carriage? Haven't my parents arrived to see me after such a long time?" Roman's breath hitched. He saw in old butler's eyes that he knew something Roman didn't know. And it terrified him.

"Young sire..." sighed Arthur "Just a mere month ago your father, my good lord, lost his title. The factory broke. All twisted deals came up on the surface."

Roman hiccuped and fell down on one his chest. That factory... the title... it was his future. His world started spinning as he was trying to fill up his lungs with ashy air, gasping for oxygen. The blood under his skin was boiling.

"W-where are my parents, Arthur?" he asked after few minutes of silence. The sky turned its color into navy blue, it could start raining any time soon.

Butler's narrow, blue, foggy eyes filled with tears.

"Soon after the lost of the title... your father was assassinated. Few days later your mother was murdered too."

A massive shiver rolled through Roman's body before his vision went black.


	2. Logan's prologue

**Chapter 2**

 

Long, slender fingers covered with a little bit of dry, thick soot nervously tapped the surface of massive table. Silver, sharp eyes were fixed at the small object, bouncing in the box made out of glass. It looked weird. Like a big, metallic fly, covered with dark glue. Nervously spinning object was flying from one wall to another, dripping with thick goo, leaving the tracks of its path all over the box.

Logan Sanders was afraid. Actually, he was scared to the bones. The prototype was not ready on time. Yes, it was working, it was moving and it for sure was showing a signs of intelligence but it was a matter of hours, maybe days before his fiberglass metallic miracle would just end it’s existence. If he was lucky it would just settle down on the glassy surface of the box and turn off forever. If he was unlucky, it would explode right in the face of the judges. Heavy, a little bit breathy, quiet whine escaped from his parted lips. It was his only chance, his last bullet, the final shot but he was almost sure that if he had a month or maybe two more, he would get It working without any problems. But he didn’t have time. He never had enough time. 

The machine let out a steamy cloud, fogging the whole box. Logan prepared for what was coming cautiously covered his ears. Most of his inventions seemed to be pretty talkative. Sadly none of them was quite capable of producing human noises. He managed to teach a  few of them to understand what he was speaking, but he couldn’t figure out what should he change in the inside of machines to allow them to speak. A high-pitched squeak pierced through the noise of Logan’s automatic copywriter.

“I know, I know Eighteen.” he mumbled uncovering his ears. Eighteen was a shorter form of PAIHMA18, which was a shorter form of Physical Artificial Intelligent Humanoid Machine, Attempt 18. It wasn’t an original name but it had to work for now. 

Logan pulled out his notebook to, for the 3rd time today, try to estimate how great his chances were that Eighteen would explode during the gala. His eyebrows furrowed and his teeth sank into his lip. The numbers didn’t lie. It looked pretty bad. He glanced at the machine lazily doing rounds in its cage made of glass. It looked so innocent and energetic. They all did. Until the end.

Attempt 17 stopped working when he was about to start building it bigger body.

Attempt 13 literally exploded right in his hands when he was trying to check its metallic, artificial pulse .

Attempt 7 lived for the longest period of time- three weeks.

Eighteen was his hope… He was running out of his funds. If he wouldn’t get a donation today… His whole project could go straight to the sea with the rest of metallic garbage he had produced over passed few years. 

Logan walked over to the grey, covered with faint layer of ash, window. His silver eyes, hidden behind thick glasses, scanned the shore. He hated the sea. It reminded him of lost hope, of all his failed projects, of his failures. He was 28 and had devoted half of his life-time(which would most likely be short considering the amount of fumes that was getting into his house from the factory nearby), to create his ultimate masterpiece- the humanoid machine, capable of helping people, talking to people, understanding people but not feeling emotions. A companion just right for him. Quiet, patient, and understanding. It could help him with his future inventions, sit by the artificial fire and talk about all these things that were raising controversies in the scientific circles.

Eighteen’s metallic wings fluttered loudly, causing Logan to come back to the table. Actually this attempt was his worst one. He was in hurry and he simply wanted to show something that didn’t look like a disaster and was quite responsive. After getting the donation, he could just wait until the Eighteen would break and finally start working on the actual project. The machine squeaked again, this time a little bit more quietly.

Logan hummed. He was not satisfied with Eighteen at all. It was too… changeable. It seemed to react to Logan’s mood swings. It was much more energetic when it was sunny outside and clearly depressed when it was raining. And right now it almost seemed like it was anxious.

“Look, there’s nothing to worry about Eighteen. This gala is not even that important.” Lied Logan smoothly. The machine buzzed twice before curling it’s metallic little limbs and resting in the corner of the box. Logan smiled bitterly. He was trying to calm down the machine which not was nothing more than a maze of metallic platelets and cables. And also that would most likely break down soon. 

He didn’t know why but not even once he had managed to fix, or “revive” the machine that once stopped working. It was like their soul escaped and didn't want to go back. That’s why attempt after attempt Logan started caring less and less about his inventions. He shrugged as Eighteen rolled a little bit to the left. It was just a machine anyway.

~~~

With the glassy cage covered with dark, thick fabric, Logan was crossing the dirty, sad streets of the harbour district of the city. Everything was stinking but not with the salty water but with heavy fumes coming from the factories up the hill. Thanks to them the sky was almost constantly covered with grey clouds. Logan knew that he should had taken a carriage but it costed too much money. And money was very precious to Logan. He didn’t have much left. He needed a sponsor. Fast. Or he would end up on the streets. Depressed and cold. Before leaving, he wasted more than 10 minutes explaining to Eighteen that it had to stay quiet until he told it that it was safe. For now, the machine seemed to obey him. Good, it was a good sign. Logan hummed quietly. That was something he could show to the jury. And high note from jury meant bigger chance to find a good sponsor. And good sponsor meant more money he could spent on his dreamed project.

 

He could feel Eighteen’s heavy, anxious, metallic breathing even through the glass. He had put a bigger set of limbs on it to make it look more complicated and it didn't like it. Of course, Eighteen had quite an attitude, making it hard to work with it. Deep down inside, Logan hoped that it would broke down soon because he had no idea for how much longer he would be able to stand its ecstatic buzzing whenever he was getting up or talking to it. It was everything but emotionless. Meaning the exact opposite of what Logan wanted to accomplish. 

Logan was a man of his word. If he promised himself to create an exact copy of a human, but without all these..defects that heart provided, he would to that. Humans had to breathe? Then so did his machine. Humans talk? So his machines had to talk too. It had to be a perfect copy of an actual human being. With a few improvements.

He was slowly getting deeper into the crowded streets, trying to blend in. He was nervously playing with the corner of the fabric covering Eighteen’s box which he held under his arm. Eighteen had to arrive at the gala without any harm. After that… Logan didn’t really care. As long as he gets his donation, he would be more than happy to let it break down.

A very shy smile appeared in the corners of his thin lips as the dreamy vision of his Eighteen getting praised appeared in his head. Logan Sanders receiving the prize and the highest donation from all the sponsors gathered on the gala. The specialized, advanced factories killing each other over Logan and his marvelous, finished machines. He let himself swim in his dreams just for just a few seconds. 

For a few seconds too long. 

Everything happened way too fast. The boney child running through the crowd, the screaming shop assistance chasing after it, the distant rambling of the crowd surrounding him. Pushed by older lady who was trying to move out of the way of the runner and his chaser, he felt the heavy, glassy box slipping away from his hands. The next thing Logan heard was the sound of breaking glass and a loud, excited, metallic squeak. A thick stain of glue fell on his left palm.

Eighteen was gone. All that was left was shattered to pieces empty box, heavy, dark fabric hanging around his forearm, loud crowd that didn’t notice anything and Logan’s empty, blank head.

~~~

 

Logan hiccuped. The fabric that was protecting his only chance to bounce off, his Eighteen, was now covering his arms, giving pleasant warmth. He and his long-time friend, Remy, were sitting on the stairs leading to Remy’s small barbershop. The soft sound of the piano that was coming from the bar nearby was flowing through Logan’s head, gently stroking his shattered nerves. The melody was slow and nostalgic, it seemed that the pianist was holding some great grief in his heart but it wasn’t something Logan planned on dwelling about. He had bigger problems on his head. 

“I don’t know what to do, Remy.” Logan took another sip from the bottle that his friend handed him. The alcohol burnt his throat, even though it wasn’t strong. “It was my only chance… I don’t know what to do.” Remy gently rubbed his back, in a comforting manner but that only made Logan feel worse. “I will soon end up on the streets…”

“I told you you can live with me until you-”

“-But what’s worse, I won’t be able to carry on my research.” He promised himself that he would not cry an hour ago when he knocked Remy’s door but now… he wasn’t so sure if he was still willing to keep up his image. Remy’s tongue played a little bit with the edge of the bottle before he responded with a sigh.

“Dude, I’ve told you that just one word of yours and I will present that miracle you created especially for me. At that gala of yours.” He reached out his right hand, palm clothed with black glove. He stretched out his fingers before forming a fist again. Logan glanced at his friend. Remy was smiling softly, watching the hand Logan had made for him few years. He didn’t take even a penny for that work. When he learnt that Remy lost his arm due to an accident that wasn’t even his fault… He knew exactly what to do. It took them few attempts to perfectly sew the mechanism into Remy’s body. Apparently, it still was breaking down from time to time, but Logan was more than ready to fix the issue. That was a big step on his road to create “The Ultimate Machine”. Back then he thought that he was literally few steps away from building the perfect humanoid. How wrong he was. It was so much easier to create something that would work with a living human, than to create an artificial human, powered by its own power.

 

Logan sighed. He didn’t want to do it. He didn’t want to make Remy a tool on his way to world domination (at least in the mechanic world). But in this worst-case scenario… now that he had lost Eighteen… Did he even have a choice? Remy gently patted Logan’s shoulder.

“It’s alright, guuurl. I know you didn’t do that for the fame.” he sent the inventor a soft smile. The rarest one out of his full rage of smirks, grins and several other face expressions. The pianist finished his song and the air filled only with silence. Remy got up abruptly and reached out his gloved hand to help Logan get up. “Come on, Lo. Let’s snatch this award with my mechanic hand.”

Hidden behind glasses eyes lighted up a little bit. Maybe there was a chance after all.

“You should totally come to this bar one day by the way. The new pianist is  _ to die for _ . Cute from his head to his toes and he really knows how to play.”

“I’m not big of musician nor an art coneser.” Logan kicked the rock and watched it rolling down the road ahead of them.

“He’s really pretty though! He’s started working just a while ago!” rambled Remy cheerfully “He used to study abroad. I think he was a son of some rich family or something. Maybe even aristocracy!” 

“Don’t be ridiculous. If he was highly born, what would he do in the Harbour?” Logan’s gaze slipped across the horizon. Nothing but sea and ships.

Remy pouted. “I don’t know, but wouldn’t that be just thrilling?” he adjusted the glove that was slightly starting to slide down of his slender, silver wrist. “And he is so smart. Like he told me that there are people who don’t get into romantic relationships, not to mention sexuality. He even used a term for that group!” Logan nodded absently, he had no idea how to present Remy’s artificial arm to the jury.

~~~

The building in which the gala was taking place looked almost like a hangar. The scent of sweat was mixed up with the electricity ticking in the air. Logan breathed in deeply. The familiar smell mixture of oils and metal reached his nostrils. It gave him almost homey vibes. He looked around, his eyes cooly sweeping every person that he could spot. The hall was pretty big with various palettes and tables standing around the walls and in the middle. There were a lot of people from the lower classes of society, probably trying to fight their way up the social ladder. Logan allowed himself to smirk. These people couldn’t even read, not to  mention their ability to create something. No, Logan was convinced that merchants had no idea what the true beauty of invention was. Machine was an art that not everyone could understand.

He frowned,  spotting a familiar group standing around the dais placed in the middle. At least a few of these faces were familiar. Too familiar. Logan didn’t want to deal with them today, especially since he didn’t even have the machine he intended to present on the first place. He spotted at least two of his old teachers. The ones who told him that he’s delusional and an airhead. Logan Sanders. An airhead. What a joke. 

Yes, Logan’s ultimate goal was to gain a sponsor but… he would also enjoyed seeing these buffoons with their jaws dropped as they see his marvelous machine. He glanced at Remy who was looking around with a spark of excitement in his eyes. Remy was a good guy. It was truly a blessing that he agreed on coming with Logan. Without him, the entrance fee would be long gone and Logan would have no chance to take any part in the whole gala.

Lightly touching the sleeve of Remy’s shirt, Logan whispered: “Come on, we have to make you somehow presentable, before the judges will start the gala.”

As they were walking over to the free space in the corner of the hall, Logan could feel the curious eyes of at least two of his old professors. His ears were burning, so he lightly shaked his head in attempt to cover them with his chocolate hair. He was nervous, he couldn’t deny that. After all, not only was his career on the edge of decay, but he also failed in delivering the actual machine on the gala. Trying not to lose hope, he patted the table, gesturing for Remy to sit on it. His friend must have immediately seen Logan’s raising anxiety as he, without a word, did what the latter ordered.

“Okay, so first of all…” breathed out Logan, lightly grabbed Remy’s mechanic hand, adjusting the glove for his friend. “Alright,” Logan began, “we have to agree on the background story.” The glove, which was reaching up to Remy’s elbow, started slipping down again. This time no one adjusted it. 

“I don’t mind saying the truth. I know how important it is for you.” said Remy softly, looking deep into Logan’s eyes.

Logan shaked his head.

“I don’t want these people to hear your story. They don’t deserve that.” he said upon seeing a shadow of tears in Remy’s eyes. The inventor leaned a little bit, loosening up the velvet strap around the collar of his shirt. “This is not the story for everyone. You are brave, Remy. I know that you are. But sometimes, it’s not worth it to be brave for someone that could not comprehend your courage.” He moved back, gently pushing down the glove until the first inch of silver alkaline metal, shined beneath his hand. “You got injured in the work. That’s all I’m willing to say. Is that satisfactory with you, friend?” Logan looked at Remy’s honest face. The shadow of the freckles on his grey, covered with paper-thin skin, cheeks showed, round brown eyes glanced up at him through long eyelashes. 

“Y-yeah. I guess it’s okay.” said Remy, after a few seconds of struggling as he was trying to force a sound out of his throat. He cleared his throat. “It’s okay,” he said in much stronger manner and, with one resolute movement, took off the glove completely. Silver fingers shined under the light of synthetic lamp.

~~~

It took Logan almost half an hour to prepare Remy’s hand to presentation. He barely made it on time, scolding his friend that he should come and make check-ups every once in a while in the future. The metal was shining even brighter than when the inventor was forming it for the first time. To his utter joy, there were practically no holes and dents in the surface. He hummed happily, gently covering the space between the silver fingers with oils.

“It will take a while until the oil will wear off completely.” he explained, not looking up at Remy, being completely devoted to his work “Your movements should be much smoother and less mechanic too. When we get back home later, I will show you how to do that mix yourself. It’s really not that expensive and the effect is truly bizarre. I think that this may be the future of our machines.” he straightened up, encouraging Remy to move his fingers. At the first move, a wince of pain crossed Remy’s face. He smiled with difficulty.

“It hurts a little bit.” his voice was calm and steady but it was obvious that pain was still emanating from his hand.

Logan nodded, scratching his chin.

“Well, it makes sense.” he hummed, completely drowning in his thoughts. “The oil is not only affecting the outer part of the hand. Part of the lighter metals sink into the cover, affecting your original nerves and pushing the corbs, making it work smoother without dissecting the outer part… Mhm, would you try again?” asked Logan, not noticing the quiet hustle behind him. He was used to people staring at his work. And as much as he saw Remy in Remy, he also saw his machine as the machine. All the errors had to be removed.

 

Remy’s eyes lightened up a little bit as he realized that Logan didn’t spot the jury standing right behind him. He was completely sank in his scientific, mathematical thoughts. 

As asked, Remy moved his fingers again, trying to make them move as smooth as he only could. The oil indeed made them work much nicer, more naturally, less robotic. But the pain was still there. Trying to swallow the quiet whine of pain, Remy bit his lips. He crooked the metallic cartilages. The uncomfortable feeling was slowly driving away and he could finally relax a little bit.

One of the member of the jury, cleared his throat, fishing Logan out of his thoughts. The inventor turned around a little bit surprised. His eyes widened in fear for a wink of a second, before he put back on his usual mask of seriousness and composure. The group in front of him consisted of the judges and sponsors. He had to make a good first impression. Logan bowed politely and Remy jumped off the table, staying a step behind the inventor.

“Mister… Logan Sanders, am I right?” asked the man standing in the middle.

“Yes, sir.” agreed Logan shortly. He didn’t know that man, but it didn’t matter. Right now, he was the most important person in the world. His fat fingers were holding a leather notebook, in which he most likely was writing down the general thoughts and notes. Blue, hazy eyes didn’t reveal any emotion, only cold calculations.

“What are you...presenting here today Mr. Sanders? You were registered under “artificial intelligence” and I don’t see anything like that here unless…” The man looked at Remy in the way that made him shiver. 

“Oh, no... sir.” blushed Logan slightly “My original construction is….  Still under further… investigation, so instead…” Logan gulped loudly “...I decided to present you this…” he gestured at Remy to come closer before he gently grabbed the metallic hand and brought it a little bit higher, so that the jury could see it better.

The men came a little bit closer with shining eyes, seemingly eating the hand with their hungry eyes. Remy moved on his spot uncomfortable. He wasn’t the first one in line for being in the center of attention. Not anymore. This sudden burst of interest in him was scaring him, he could feel the lingering touch of their fingers but he decided to clench his teeth. It was for Logan after all. If Logan wasn’t there for him… he would have never been able to pursue his dreams. He would most likely still be stuck in that old factory or even worse, basing on the “offers” manager was putting down on his table. Remy could feel the electric nerves pulsing under his skin. He still had no idea how Logan managed to combine them with his body cells and make them respond to Remy’s will but somehow he did. And he was more than eager to show these freaks in ridiculously expensive suits how much of a genius Logan was. Just now his friend was explaining something to the men. Remy had no clue what were they talking about but basing on the look in their eyes it was something about Remy’s hand. And apparently, it was interesting. Their voices which reminded heavily of the sound made by buzzing bees, suddenly was cut by a man standing on the right. He smirked at Logan, who immediately turned red with anger.

“All of this sounds wonderful, Sanders but how could we know that this man isn’t wearing very tight glove?” he asked mockingly “After all it’s very hard to believe into your little story…” he innocently tapped the head of his golden cane.

The corner of Logan’s lips twitched a little bit.

“Everyone who knows human anatomy a little bit, know that under the heat of the bodies surrounding my friend, the skin under glove would start sweating, therefore making the fabric wrinkle. Or did you forgot the basic problems of biology, Josh?”

Josh Whoever-He-Was frowned before replying with sugary-sweet tone:

“Why won’t we demontage this limb then? It is an inventors competition after all.” he said sticking his tongue out for a second.

To Remy’s horror, the other men started nodding in agreement. Logan moved aside, hiding his friend behind himself.

“This may be an invention, but it’s being used by an actual breathing human. Not a machine. It would be very painful for the current user of the limb. Besides-” he stopped abruptly in the middle of the sentence, his eyes fixed at something behind the jury. Metallic buzzing filled the suddenly completely quiet hall. “Fuck-” Logan mumbled under his breath.

Eighteen was hanging in the air happily. It seemed that it lost part of the metallic limbs but there was no way Logan could be mistaken. It was the invention that he had lost few hours ago. And apparently it was looking for something. Logan gulped loudly. Eighteen had taken a new course. It was flying right in Logan’s direction. That ticking bomb, peacefully flew above the jury’s heads. Only then they noticed that small machine. Logan out of the reflex reached out his hand. His little Eighteen sat down on his palm as if it was doing it everyday. The buzzing didn’t stop. The sound was growing louder, making the nervousness in Logan’s tied stomach raising up.

“Could you explain this… noisy thing to us, Mr. Sanders?” asked one of the older men, adjusting the round glasses that were sliding down his nose.

“That is…” Logan coughed trying to hide his both surprise and awkwardness “This is actually the artificial intelligence I was working over. It somehow…” he looked over the shoulder at Remy, trying to boost his self-confidence. Remy’s eyes were wide open. “Somehow, it found its way here.”

The man standing in the middle, the chubby one with a leather notebook and old eyes, closed the said notebook and clapped his hand as if he was a child, who just saw the presents under the Christmas tree.

“Well, isn’t that wonderful?” he exclaimed, completely ignoring the buzzing. Logan faked a laugh trying to quickly figure out his strategy. He didn’t know if he should show off Eighteen which was starting to get really loud, despite sitting on his hand completely peacefully, or if he should carry on presenting Remy’s arm? His mind was in a stir. His career was depending on the next few minutes of the presentation and he, Logan Sanders, had no idea what to do.

“What else can it do?” the member of the jury reached out his hand before Logan managed to react. The sound produced by Eighteen in one single second changed from buzzing to high-pitched screech as the chubby man’s hand was suddenly inches away from it. The next thing Logan heard was a sound of small volcano exploding and the whole hall filled with thick, stinky fog.

~~~

“It was a disaster, Remy.” said Logan his eyes were staring at some point in front of him but both his heart and mind were far away from here. He couldn’t even say that he was sad or angry. He just felt numb. He lost everything. There were no more chances to give a try. Just emptiness, working as a mechanic in one of the factories up the hill if he was lucky, dying on the street if he was unlucky. And Logan did not have much luck, as of recently.

For the second time that day, Remy and him were sitting on the stairs, this time leading to small workshop which also happened to be Logan’s house. Basing on the sky, the sun was disappearing behind the horizon, colouring the grey sea with shades of orange and pink. Sadly, it’s warm reflects didn’t reach Logan and Remy, who were hidden in the shadows of the buildings. More likely forever.

In the given situation, even Remy had troubles with seeing a bright side. Eighteen apparently got stressed and exploded right in the face of the head of jury. Nothing happened to that poor man but Logan and Remy were immediately kicked out of the building, taking off in the company of insults and mocking comments. Not even one tear ran down Logan’s face. He looked, and felt, completely empty.

“We will figure something out, girl.” Remy gently patted Logan’s shoulder. He didn’t knew what else to say. The work and his inventions were everything for Logan and now… he lost it. All of it.

They barely noticed thin, tall man who had just entered the alley Logan’s workshop was situated at. Both of them were too tired to actually care about that. Remy lazily passed the bottle of gin to Logan, who hiccuped. Sadly, no matter how much alcohol he was drinking, nothing seemed to fade the vivid memories of the afternoon. It was only when he started examining the shape of the bottle (reminding him of a pipe he used as a primary structure in Remy’s arm), he noticed the human standing in front of the pair.

“May I help you?” asked Logan looking up. That stranger didn’t suit this alley at all. He was wearing a clearly expensive, velvet, purple jacket, elegant tight slacks and matching shirt. The untied strap was hanging loosely around his neck. Also his face was suggesting that he was born highly. His skin which color reminded of high-quality, rich coffee with milk, was perfectly smooth. Delicate, almost gentle features that were meant to be admired. Beautiful, soft lips that could speak through romantic poems and Latin quotes. Clever, dark eyes that were currently piercing Logan through, exploring his soul, his heart, his mind and thoughts.

“Yes, indeed, I think you can help me, Mister Sanders.” spoke the stranger. The tone was official, but somehow also lined with kindness. The way he was forming his sentences only confirmed that he must have received high education. 

Logan frowned confused. He had no idea who this man was and what he wanted. Putting the bottle aside, he tilted his head, encouraging stranger to explain.

“Oh, you may not recognise me, I was standing quite far away…” he cleared his throat and straightened his back, trying to look bigger. Despite his strong, deep voice and intimidating attire, Logan had already spotted a nervous glitches in his eyes. “I had pleasure to watch your presentation today at the gala and I was astonished with what you presented.”

Remy fretfully grabbed the sleeve of Logan’s shirt. The inventor gulped, trying not to give himself too much hope.

“I’m willing to sponsor your research…” said the stranger cautiously and Remy let out a high-pitched muffled sound. Logan blinked couple of times before, unsure of his own strength, he stood up.

“And what are the terms?” Logan was no fool. He knew that this man had to have some motives driving him. 

The stranger laughed nervously before carefully pulling something out of his pocket. Logan leaned a little bit forward as man opened his palm. Like a small worm, little pieces of metal were crawling on the man’s milky brown skin. Logan recognized them immediately. It was exactly the same mechanism that exploded just a few hours ago. So how was that possible that it was still moving? 

“I want you to work over this adorable creature. Only if you do so, I will support you financially” smirked the stranger and pulled his hand back, hiding the precious pieces of Eighteen back into his pocket as if he was scared that Logan would grab and take them away. He reached out his hand. “Do we have a deal?”

Logan bit his lip. He never planned to continue working on the Eighteen but given the circumstances….

“But Logan doesn’t even know your name!” explained Remy suddenly, pointing that fact almost with accusation.

A dark blush crawled on man’s cheeks and that’s when Logan grabbed and energetically shook his hand.

“Logan Sanders.” said Logan, smiling lightly.

“Virgil. Virgil van Dijk.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 

_ *takes place 6 months after Logan’s intro* _

 

Remy knocked the door several times but besides of loud  _ thud  _ coming from the inside, followed by loud, almost frantic screech, he didn’t hear anything else. A little bit worried, he pressed the doorknob to the workshop, the door was opened. The barber quietly slipped into the room, the sound of closing door completely muffled with the mortising sound of metal being cut down mixed with several loud swears. Remy smiled with relief upon hearing Virgil. At least he knew that Logan, with all his crazy ideas, wasn’t alone this time.

The man climbed on the stairs, passing the small kitchen and Logan’s bedroom. He has been the inventor’s friend for few years now and yet not even once he had seen him in one of these rooms. Always in the studio. Always working on something new. Out of curiosity, Remy peaked into the kitchen. It was a mess. Dirty plates covered with something that used to be food were lying around the table and the floor was heavily stained in at least few spots. Remy couldn’t possibly imagine that Logan, such a perfectionist when it comes to his work, could live in such a mess. He quickly walked out of the room and walked down the corridor, deciding that he didn’t have the nerve to actually check the state of the bedroom. The hallway was narrow and dark, ending with stairs leading down. Remy knew that they used to lead to the porch and a garden (as if there was a real possibility of any plants growing in such an impure environment) but long time ago Logan had paid for that piece of land and made it his own workshop.

A massive, thick fog, that smelled like a burned pie, greeted Remy as he walked downstairs, entering the studio. It was filled with machines, making it look almost claustrophobic.

“Goodness gracious, Logan!” yelled someone to the right. “Stop experimenting with those scent reactors! This is not our priority! And- oh, hello, Remy.” Groaning, Virgil opened the only window in the room, letting the fresh air in.

“For crying out loud, Virgil! Eighteen has to be perfect copy, meaning it has to react to various factors! Including smell of burned pie!” Logan coughed out, his silhouette slowly looming out of the white fog, leaning against the table. “Salutations, Remy.”

 

“Morning, girls!” smiled Remy, eyeing Logan’s apron which looked more like a weird dress than an uniform. Logan always had a very specific set-up when it came to clothes. He seemed to follow the rule “as long as it’s comfortable, it works”. “What are you messing up with today?” he asked sitting on the metallic plank which was for sure supposed to be something else in a few weeks.

“Well, Logan here has clearly lost his mind because today he declared that we can put the heart in any day soon!” hooted Virgil, taking a deep breath of the air coming through the window.

“I just don’t see a point in wasting even more time.” Logan took off his fogged glasses and started wiping them frantically.

“But, isn’t that a good thing?” pondered Remy looking at Virgil who clicked his tongue sceptically. 

“It would be if Logan didn’t suddenly decide to work over every single detail while we still don’t know if the heart would even work with the body!” Virgil raised his hands up, quickly turning his back to the window and facing the others. “There are so many things that can go wrong!”

“I clearly recall you yourself saying that you have no idea how much money this project will swallow and, oh need I remind you that you’re not in the position to divide your family’s assets.” pointed Logan.

Skin on Virgil’s tanned cheeks darkened in a crimson blush. Over the past few months, Logan and Remy, using various methods, tried to learn something more about Virgil’s parents, especially his father, who was the actual sponsor, but without any result. Every mention of the family faced a nervous silence and a change of the subject.

Virgil took a deep breath before leaning over a made out of glass box standing in the corner of the room. Eighteen buzzed happily as Virgil delicately poked the slightly fogged surface of the box. 

“I just don’t want to lose this, buddy.” sighed Virgil finally straightening up, sending a warning glare at Logan. 

“Could you stop referring to Eighteen as if it was an actual person?” scoffed Logan, folding arms on his chest. “It’s just a machine, something repetitive and, thank god, not as complex as human.”

“Eighteen can hear you…” whispered Virgil dramatically, putting his hands on the sides of the box as if he was trying to cover robot’s ears.

Logan groaned loudly and sat down on the chair next to the one covered with pieces of metals and bottle with half-liquids. With one move of a hand he put aside new pile of gritting bolts, propellers and screwdrivers. The sound was almost painful to one’s ears, but Logan didn’t seem to mind as he leaned over a small, elongated, silver wad. Remy cautiously moved a little bit closer, looking over Logan’s shoulder. He didn’t even realize that Virgil soon was standing behind him, until the latter whispered:

“This is one of the fingers. Logan is trying to instal the temperature sensors that would eventually be connected with the brain. You have the same thing in your own hand.”

Remy’s fingers twitched instinctively and for a while they stayed like that in complete quiet. Suddenly Logan got up and frantically started  fumbling in the pile of metallic garbage lying next to the table.

“I can’t find anything in this mess!” he groaned, cursing every creature that dared to appear on the surface of the Earth. 

An imaginative bulb lightened up in Remy’s head. He knew that Logan had big troubles with keeping his place clean, especially when he was so devoted to his work. On the other hand, neither Virgil nor Remy himself could be available all the time to help out with cleaning. From what he knew, Virgil had many other responsibilities and could only visit Logan occasionally. Remy knew that asking Logan about the permission would meet with instant rejection, but sometimes it was better to do things without his knowledge. The barber delicately nudged Virgil, gently gesturing to move a few steps from Logan, who was completely lost in his metallic world.

“Do you think you could find some money that you could pay for a housekeeper?” Remy whispered quietly, eyes still fixed at Logan’s back “We’re gonna lose him in this crap or, better, he would eventually choke on one of the bolts…”

Virgil scratched his chin, clearly trying to appraise the situation. 

“Well, I could find some money.” he said carefully, every word picked with the greatest care “But it’s really not much, I doubt we could find someone who would be willing to work with a bunch of freaks for so little money… Even if we put the heart into the mechanism and it works, there’s still a lot of things to do and the funds…” Virgil rubbed his temple, letting his eyes close “Let’s say we’re on thin ice…”

Wicked smile crept on Remy’s face and he finally gathered enough courage to properly face Virgil.

“But this is a yes?” he asked hopefully.

The sponsor nodded slowly, glancing at the room around him. He would be lying if he said that Logan didn’t need a help with organizing this whole mess. He didn’t understand much from the inventor’s senseless rambling but he knew that path to the a success that was left ahead of them was still long.

Remy’s cold, metallic hand founds its way to shake Virgil’s warm one.

“Great.” the barber grinned “Because I know someone he’s ready to start working right away!”

Saying that Remy without sparing a glance at Virgil and Logan who didn’t even notice him passing by, left the workshop. He was excited. It’s been thrilling to watch logan open up for new person over past months. At this point Virgil and him had grown so familiar that they were practically a family. Yes, there were still some taboo subject, but the previous sponsor-sponsored relation was long gone. Remy knew that Logan still didn’t like the idea of working with Eighteen and yet for Virgil’s sake and Virgil’s ask only, he continued to work over that stubborn mechanism. 

~~~

Nasty, cold wind blew out the sides of Remy’s coat as he walked on the street. The sun was hidden behind the clouds, like almost every day. The barber could feel the chilly breath of the world on his ribs and around his waist and he quickly buttoned the coat. He hated being touched like that. No matter if it was by human or by nature. Avoiding the chatter of the main streets, Remy chose to cross side streets where there weren’t so many people. He ruffled his own, tangled by the wind, hair. He could feel it even through the glove covering his hand. Smiled was dancing in the corner of his lips. Despite everything that had happened to him in his life, he was happy. He was happy and ready to do everything he could to make his friends happy. All of them.

~~~

Remy had been observing Roman for months now, watching him slowly lose the weight. He had always been rather fragile in his body built but recently, especially after the death of his so called uncle Arthur, his cheeks clearly became more hollow and his wrists skinnier. Even though he didn’t know Roman for long neither very well, he had developed a strong bond with him. The conversations they shared by the piano- the source of Roman’s income- had poured a lot of acceptance and love into Remy’s heart. He couldn’t be more grateful to Roman for introducing him to the idea of asexuality, which apparently wasn’t an abomination at all. Roman probably didn’t even know how much of burden he had taken off of Remy’s heart when he was patiently explaining him how stereotypical the mindset was in this country, how narrow minded people here were. It made Remy breathe more freely, he didn’t feel like a weirdo again. And it made him even more determined to help this poor, little man who was clearly having troubles with keeping himself on the surface.

As he was getting closer to the pub Roman was working at, Remy realized that there was something missing. It took Remy a minute or two to understand what it was. The street was quiet. Gentle, elegant music played on the piano wasn’t decorating the air with invisible rose petals and gems shaped like tears. The space was grey, numb and empty. Remy’s heart quickened up. Something was wrong. Roman rarely stopped playing. It was his life. With head filled with worry and fear, the barber rushed into the pub, not stopping at his own house to put down his bag.

As expected there weren’t many customers at that time. Only the few usual ones that always visited on Friday morning. Remy shot a glance at the piano and his heart sank instantly. The instrument was gone. He blinked few times trying to make sure that he was not seeing things. But nothing changed. The only things left after the old, chocolate piano was a blank space under the wall.

A soft, ripped sob rang through his senses and Remy instantly turned to the left. 

Roman was curled against the wall, in the darkest corner of the pub, looking even smaller than ever. The glass standing in front of him was almost empty but basing off the state of the man, he had emptied much more than just this one stein. Remy quietly and slowly approached him, trying not to surprise the man. Still not sure if Roman had noticed him or not, the barber sat down next to him, protectively wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“Ro? Girl, are you alright?” Remy asked quietly, rubbing small circles on the arm of hiccuping male.

Roman absently looked at him, his gaze blurry and dizzy. He shook his head few times.

“I am… Does it- I feel… Do I look as though I was alright, Remy?” he sobbed out almost as quietly as Remy, putting down his stein and leaning over his friend’s chest. His breathing was hitched and his slender body was trembling under Remy’s fingers. “It… This dumb- stupidly... ugly instrument… Piano! It was the only thing… the only thing that- kept me alive…” words were burning Roman’s throat like a poison. A few years ago, he would never have thought that he would be forced to say that out loud. He choked on his own breath.

“Sh… Try to focus on my heartbeat…” cooed Remy trying to calm down the crying mess that was currently curled up next to his chest.  “Follow the pattern of my breath… Breathe in… Breathe out… Yes, carry on… Breathe in, breathe out…” he was more than aware that the hazy eyes of the customers in the pub were on them but he didn’t care much about that now. He had to calm Roman down before he would hurt himself.

It took much longer than he expected it to take, but Remy had all the time in the world. Finally, a little bit more self-conscious, Roman unglued himself from Remy’s chest and straightened up, leaning his arms over the table, still looking like his whole future had collapsed. Remy knew that he had to speak slowly and carefully, this man was still slightly drunk and not in the best emotional state after all.

“Now that you’ve calmed down…” Remy coughed, dragging Roman’s attention back on himself. “I may have a solution to your problems…” 

Roman’s eyes lightened up, the little sparks in the color of pine needles shined in the way that always brought smile on Remy’s face. Despite all these rough months spent on work that the young man wasn’t used to, he still managed to redeem part of his natural pureness. Roman digged his delicate fingers of an artist into Remy’s arm.

“Oh please, Remy! Do tell! Don’t keep me hanging like that!” he cried out.

“I’m not sure if it’s suitable work for you but-”

“I can learn everything!” said Roman proudly “I mean, look at me here! I’ve been working so hard! My p-parents-” his voice cracked a little bit and Remy winced, it was first time Roman actually mentioned that “-they wouldn’t believe their eyes if they saw me now!” he hiccuped at the end but Remy couldn’t tell if it’s the drunkness wearing off or if it’s because of clearly unpleasant memories.

The barber rubbed the inner part of his hand, trying to gain some confidence.

“Do you remember how I told you that one of my arms is a little bit… dysfunctional?” he began slowly, eyes suddenly looking at everything except of Roman’s face.

“You mean, exquisitely unique? Yes, I do recall.”

“Prince Charming as ever, aren’t you girl?” smirked Remy under his nose before picking up the subject “Well, the offer I have for you has a lot to do with the dude that gifted me that hand…”

“The workaholic one?” asked Roman raising up his eyebrow.

“Yes, the same.” snickered Remy, praying mentally that Roman would let that slip on his first day of work “So he is in need of help… You see, Logan is pretty eccentric guy and a tiny-little-mini bit of a messy girl.”

“And you want me to housekeep for him?” echoed Roman staring blankly at Remy. “Does he even have money to…” he choked on his own breath “I mean, from what.. I heard he’s not… I don’t want you.. To…”

“This is not out of pity, Roman.” said Remy patting the smaller’s man shoulder “I know that this is not something you’re used to but… Logan’s sponsor agreed to assign some money to pay for a housekeeper and… I mean only if you want to… I kind of can recommended you?” he asked cautiously looking for a signs of offence in Roman’s eyes.

“You, Remy Rodya Levkin, are my hero, and I will forever be in your debt.” declared Roman strongly even though emotions were making his voice tremble a little bit.

“Aww, Roman. It’s no big deal… we’re friends.” Yet again that day, Remy hugged Roman close to his chest. He still smelt like an alcohol. Something that had to be get ridden off till tomorrow.

“You literally saved my life and you say it’s no big deal?” squeaked Roman quietly “You’re either stupid or an asshole.”

Remy snorted.

“Try me on both.”

~~~

“Breathe in, breathe out, Roman. It’s gonna be alright. You’ve been through worse.” Roman tried to give himself some courage, and muttered a bunch of swears under his nose because, indeed, it was hard to find in his past a situation as stressing as this one. His life was hanging on this one last string and his only hope was the man living behind the doors in front of him. And yet, he simply couldn’t make his hands knock the upon dark, old door. The sounds of chafing metal and machines were audible even despite the fact that the workshop was closed. 

Roman gulped. Remy had promised him that it was nothing like working in the factory. Because the factories were something that Roman feared the most. After all, his own father had owned a whole succession of factories and Roman was supposed to inherit that kingdom. Working in one of them… would be like his worst nightmare. He slowly raised up his hand, intending to knock the thick door when a stern shout stopped him in the middle of the gesture. Roman, shrinking, turned around in the direction of the voice.

“Do you have any business to Logan?” wearing expensive, elegant clothes, this male stranger was rushing in Roman’s direction as if he had at least broken a law. His black hair was ruffled by the wind but it was clear to Roman that this man was a part of the class Roman used to be a part of himself some time ago. A numb bit of fear pecked at his heart. This was one of his first interactions with someone from the aristocracy ever since he came back from his journey and found out that he lost his title and family. All of that must have showed on Roman’s face as the stranger, by the time he stood in front of him, added in a little bit calmer manner:

“Don’t worry. Logan after all runs a workshop, it’s just… no one really visits him often.” the male crossed his arms over his chest, resting one of the elbows on the crash barrier. “What brings you here?” his voice was smooth and warm and instantly made Roman relax at least a little bit.

“Actually, I was sent here by a friend. I… I am supposed to work here.” Roman said with slight hesitation in his voice.

In response to that, the male beamed a smile. His eyes lightened up like the darkness of the night brightens when the fireflies start their midnight dance. He looked much less intimidating smiling like that and Roman didn’t fail to notice that the man was actually very handsome with his a little bit oriental features and hair surrounding his face like a black halo.

“Oh it’s you! Wonderful! I’m the person who’s going to actually pay you for working here.”

“Logan Sanders?” asked Roman, regaining the strength in his voice.

“No, I’m his sponsor though. Remy must have fail to mention me…” the male sighed in disappointment before reaching out his slender hand “My name is Virgil van Dijk and whether you like it or not you’re going to be stuck with me in there.” he pointed at the workshop and Roman thought that he didn’t mind being stuck with that man at all.

“Roman.” he replied shortly.

Virgil arched his eyebrow in an unspoken question.

“Just Roman?”

“Just Roman is fine. Is there a problem?” Roman’s heart hammered in his chest like a hummingbird. In the given situation, he prefered to keep his last name for himself. Virgil was definitely an aristocrat and Roman’s last name could ring him a bell. And the last he needed was being recognized and being sneered at.

“No.” shrugged Virgil after few seconds of silence “There’s absolutely no problem. Shall we go inside?”

Roman nodded and Virgil opened the door in front of him, letting the new worker in first. For a millisecond, Roman could smell the sandalwood surrounding Virgil before his nose was pierced with a scent of metal and steam. He coughed lightly and in response to that the aristocat handed him a handkerchief.

“Thanks.” Roman mumbled, delicately putting the material up to his nose. It smelt just like Virgil- vanilla and sandalwood. “Not many people in your class treat people of my class like that, you know...” he pointed. He remembered the way his own father acted around the “poor wretches” as he used to call them. Compared to him, Virgil was an angel, who treated him like an actual human, not only as an object that was born to take orders. 

“I don’t believe in these crappy roles that society ‘entitles’ us with before we are even born.” hummed Virgil loosening the collar around his neck “Besides in this workshop, we’re all equal. You will find out what I mean soon… Logan!” he yelled, hitting a note Roman hadn’t expect to hear coming from him. “Hey, Loooogan! I have a surprise!” he kept screaming as they were coming to the ending of the narrow corridor.

As they entered the spacious room, presumably said workshop, Roman had to hold his breath for a few seconds. The metallic scent of machines and sticky, sweaty air, the onslaught noise of the whirring machines, each and every detail were attacking all his senses. He shivered a little bit, being so suddenly exposed to so many new factors. Trying to adjust to the new environment he tentiously closed his eyes, reeling a little bit to the side. Suddenly he felt a very gentle hand wrapping around his waist and soft, quiet murmur that didn’t match the noise of the machines at all:

“Take your time, it can be a little bit overwhelming at the beginning but I swear, you are safe here.” Virgil’s voice was really calming and smooth like the shade of his skin and delicacy in his dark eyes. 

“Who’s that?” asked another voice, much more sharper a little bit defensive and Roman abruptly opened his eyes, the grip around his waist disappeared quickly and Roman pondered if it ever was there.

“This is your new housekeeper, Logan.” said Virgil calmly and Roman opened his eyes widely. So that was Logan? The genius who saved Remy’s arm? Young man took a while to examine that inventor in front of him. He was an inch or maybe two taller than Roman himself, but where Roman had at least a sign of muscles, Logan was only bones and skin. His face was pale, almost grey but maybe it was the silver shade that machines surrounding them were throwing. His steel eyes were fixed at Roman in the way which suggested that Logan himself was trying to somehow classify Roman in his head. Finally the inventor frowned.

“I don’t have money for that and I can’t see how could he be useful here.” he declared, now looking at Virgil with something akin to betrayal in his eyes.

Roman’s heart stopped beating for a split of a second. He had so foolishly assumed that Logan would just agree to this, but after all Remy had mentioned him that it was a plan that was being conducted behind the inventor’s back. He had every right to slap Roman away, onto the streets, and there was nothing he could do about it.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Logan.” sneered Virgil, completely ignoring wild sparks in Logan’s eyes- he must had been used to that look.  “You’re not the one who’s going to pay Roman besides, let’s be honest. This place is a mess and one day I will lose you and my shit here.” Virgil summed and Roman raised his hand to his mouth trying to surpass a chuckle. It seemed that Virgil wasn’t a type of person who had any filters and to be honest, Roman was already starting to like this aspect of his personality.

Hidden behind his, slightly fogged, glass Logan viciously glared at Virgil for a minute or two, but it was pretty obvious that there was no actual hate between them. Finally, the inventor turned on his feet, mumbling something about doing whatever they want and waving his hand carelessly. Roman, unsure of what had just happened, glanced at Virgil, standing beside him. A bright smile was already settled on the man’s face and, catching Roman’s look, he winked at him. 

“Let me show you the place around.” he said, gesturing to follow him to the part of the flat where they originally came from.

Apparently Remy had stuck to the truth when he said that Logan was a messy person. In fact, Roman couldn’t remember the last time he had seen such a dirty house. The piles of rubbish of all kind were lying everywhere- across the kitchen’s table, in the half-broken cabinets, on the floor. Virgil awkwardly rubbed his nape.

“Sorry about that… I didn’t really have time or power to even try to clean this place up and Logan…” he sighed lightly, leaning against the doorframe “...You’ve seen him. He’s the man living in his own world.”

Roman turned around on his heels, trying his best not to look completely shocked with the state of the bedroom.

“Are you sure, he won’t kick me out as soon as you go out?” he asked worryingly. 

Virgil laughed melodically, letting his voice swing across the room, and Roman couldn’t help but wonder if he could sing too. He wouldn’t be surprised if Virgil, obviously being a descendant of illustrious family, could have received music education.

“Oh, believe me, Logan will soon forget that you’re even here. He lets his work swallow him up completely, especially now that, we seem to be so close to finishing one of the stages of the project… So don’t expect too may praises from him.” Virgil raised his finger, smirking at Roman.

In response Roman saluted, straightening up his back.

“Yes, sir!” he said, and smiled, showing the row of his white teeth. Being around Virgil was surprisingly easy. Roman had been scared of contact with aristocrats ever since his own family collapsed down the social ladder, but Virgil was so different from the other people in his class that Roman had the pleasure to meet. Having that and a piece of luck in his heart ,he asked carefully “What project were you referring to earlier?”

Some thought has apparently crossed Virgil’s head and he was parting his lips to answer the question when a very loud scream beamed across the household.

“Virgil!” Logan stormed into the room faster than a lightning bolt “Gather your family and friends because we did it!” he yelled Virgil right into his face, probably spitting at him a little bit, before rushing out of the room.

Roman, completely lost and confused above beyond of understanding, moved his gaze back at Virgil looking for a clue on his face. Virgil’s mouth was wide opened and his eyes were filled both with terror and excitement.

“Roman, if my guts are right you are about to see the project with your own eyes!” he exclaimed and grabbed Roman’s cold hand. A small spark of excitement went through Roman’s arm up to his heart but he couldn’t figure out if it was Virgil’s emotions transferring into him, or something else. He was being dragged down the corridor, almost running to the main room of the workshop. Logan’s voice hurrying them up was trying to make them move faster.

They entered the room and Roman immediately sensed that something was different, though it took him a while to understand what exactly changed. All machines were turned off, it was completely quiet. They found Logan standing in front of a piece of curved metallic block, the only source of faint, almost non-existential noise. To the squarish block, made of iron and copper, there was fastened a thick, elastically looking pipe with a egg-shaped ball, with many little holes and blinkers around, on the top.

Suddenly the egg-shaped, silver ball moved a little bit to the right and Virgil gasped loudly. Roman hopelessly tilted his head, in attempt to comprehend what was so wonderful about it. He could almost hear Logan and Virgil’s beating hearts. It was until he realized that the rhythmic sound of a heart hummering slowly against the rib was really filling the place. That was when Virgil took step forward and gently placed his hands on to sides on the block.

“Open your eyes for us, won’t you, beautiful?”

The eyelids of the machine flickered heavily, before it finally managed to uncover its navy eyes which looked like eyes of an actual human being.

Roman screamed in horror and machine looked at him.

“Sorry.” it murmured, the voice raw and rusty.

Logan with trembling hands took a scrapy notebook out of his pocket whispering quietly to himself:

“PAIHMA18 not only opened its eyes but also activated its speakers by itself, moreover-”

“I don’t like _ it. _ ” purred said robot mechanically, though much more smoothly than one could expect.

“What?” asked Logan absolutely shocked. His machine wasn’t supposed to like or not. It shouldn’t matter to it.

“I…” crunched the machine, turning its head more in Logan’s direction, fixing its glassy eye-balls at him. 

“Go on…” encouraged Virgil quietly, almost purring with content. Roman watched all the spectacle of emotions with mix of awe and fear.

“I don’t like… the way… you called me… Lo…” the machine murmured and Roman could have sworn that if it could it would blush fiercely.

“Lo?” squeaked Logan arching his eyebrow.

Virgil laughed with delight.

“See? It already has a pet-name for you…  _ Loooo _ .” the man hit his thigh with his opened palm as though someone had just told him a juicy rumor or an amazing joke. After few moments of cackling while Logan’s face slowly changed colour from grey to the shade of deep red, Virgil turned his face to look at the robot “So you don’t like your numeric name, right? Good, then I guess we should decide your name here and now.” he hummed “Maybe we could leave the first syllable in the name of good, old time, what would you say?”

“Or maybe we could stick to Eighteen.” suggested weakly Logan.

“Eighteen is in his chest. He is not Eighteen anymore, Logan.” growled Virgil.

“He??” echoed Logan, but his comment was completely ignored.

“Besides, who would want a name that is a number.” said Roman quietly for the first time since the machine opened his eyes “Come on, be at least a little bit creative.”

Virgil nodded in agreement.

“So…” he picked up the subject again “Pa...Papapapa… Patrick? Paul? Pax? Parker? Paco? Patton?”

The machine squealed in a tone that suggested cheerfulness.

“Patton.” he said simply “I like Patton.”

Virgil smiled brightly.

“Patton it is, then.”

Just as he finished the sentence the machine, now Patton, quietly turned off.

“Its accumulators needs to be upgraded.” mumbled Logan to himself, sitting on the chair nearby.

He was not pleased.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 

Just like Virgil predicted Roman quickly got a grip of the rules that allowed the workshop to keep running. First of all, despite the calling it a workshop Logan didn’t have any clients, mostly because he didn’t take commissions. He was working only on his own projects, which lead to Patton who was slowly starting to remind human. A few weeks had passed ever since he opened his metallic eyes, and Logan gave him his own arms and hands. Turned out that somehow Patton had developed his own personality, with curiosity being one of his main traits. If it wasn’t his appearance, Roman would have thought that Patton was a child. A child that was growing surprisingly fast. There were weeks when Roman didn’t have to come few days in row and when he was finally back at the workshop Patton was always more advanced in both physical and mental way. 

Roman gulped eyeing Patton anxiously. He seemed to be resting, Roman sighed with relief and put few discs back at their places. Today was actually the first time he was left alone in the workshop as Logan had some business to do downtown and it wasn’t Virgil’s visiting day. Roman liked working when Virgil came over. He was sarcastic, intelligent and his company always brightened up Roman’s day. Logan was different and though Roman liked him a lot, he was sometimes very hard person to be around with. It was shocking how their creativities were different, thought Roman sometimes. He himself had always been driving to the art while Logan’s ideas always stayed within the field of science. 

Something murmured behind Roman’s back and he abruptly turned around, gripping the shirt on the level of his heart.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you…” said Patton quietly, heavily blinking his eyes. His voice was much smoother than few weeks ago. Logan said that within a month of so, the rustling should be completely gone. 

Roman took two steps forward, hand still clenched at his shirt. Patton was astonishing, the fact that he could move, speak and think was absolutely wonderful but Roman couldn’t help feeling a little bit uneasy in his presence.

“No, it’s fine.” said Roman, moving another step closer “I just thought that you were asleep.” he tried excusing himself watching crooked expression, akin to a smile on Patton’s face.

“Asleep is nice word.” replied Patton, letting out a hum. Steam went out of his ears creating small cloud over his head. “It implies that I can dream.” he added.

“You don’t dream?” asked Roman sitting on the chair nearby, still keeping the safe distance.

“I do but in a different way than you, I think.” he said “Do you want to hear…?” he asked a little bit hesitantly and Roman nodded energetically.

“Of course, I do!”

“Well, my dreams consist mostly of noises. And there’s always dark. Not terrifying dark but almost black, I can barely see anything.” explained Patton “At least that what I was thinking. But Lo, Lo-gan explained to me that these aren't dreams at all. It’s my attention being focused on my insidings. The noises are all these mechanism inside of me and it’s dark because… there’s no light inside.” a string of sadness tugged his voice “So I don’t really dream. I only check up if everything is alright inside.” Patton poked his chest, grinning again.

“Maybe it’s because you haven’t seen much of the world yet!” suggested Roman.

“Yes… Maybe…” hummed Patton unconvinced. “But you know… Sometimes I have these… images… Me finally having legs and walking… Or me helping you with cleaning. Little things like that.”

Roman chuckled. 

“Look at you. So you do have dreams after all!” an idea popped into his head “Ha, I promise you that I will show you things that are worth dreaming of! I can show you whole collection of things worth dreaming of! You just wait, Patton! You have all the time in the world, to uncover its secrets! You just need to learn what do you want to explore!” Roman pointed at blinking in surprise Patton. He looked truly shocked.

“But you’re scared of me…” rustled Patton, his silver hand caressing the back of his neck, a gesture he must had learnt from Virgil.

Roman blushed fiercelly.

“I’m not scared. I’m just…” he closed and opened his mouth upon the lost of words “You… I mean… Umm… You’re like no one else I have ever met, I guess.”

Patton’s eyes narrowed as he smiled widely, hearing Roman.

“Well. I’m not even fully a person.” he gestured at his unfinished, silver corpus. “I may never be…”

“Ah! Don’t say that!” Roman got up and breaking the first boundary between them, put his hands on Patton’s arms. The metal was cold under his touch. “Logan is a marvelous inventor! You will get the rest of the body in no time!” he gently patted one of Patton’s shoulders. The body responded with numb, knocking noise. The smile washed off Patton’s face, his eyes fixed at Roman.

“I don’t have to be long on this world, to notice the difference between you and me.” he shook his head and looked at Roman’s hand, gripping his arm. “For example the appearance… I look a little bit too stiff to be considered a real person.”

Roman’s lips quirked up a little bit at this attempt of a joke.

“And all these emotions and feelings… You had years to learn all of these and I… I just have these waves of strange vibrations in my heart.” continued Patton, putting his hand at the chest “Even my heart is artificial. I’m not real.” he finished sadly.

Frowning, Roman covered Patton’s hand with his own. With the other he grabbed his chin, forcing Patton to look up at him.

“I may not know you for long and you may not be at this world for long either but I can already tell that your feelings and emotions are valid. And it shall not stand if you feel bad because of the way you look. You are perfect the way you are.”

“But-”

“But, if you don’t feel well now, then I’m willing to change it. If you let me and if Logan allows me.” declared Roman with determination in his eyes. He could do it. He knew he could. The months filled with paint and clay would finally pay of. He could finally give it to someone.

“How?” asked Patton simply. His voice was quiet and careful. He clearly didn’t want give himself too much hope.

“I can paint you with colours! I can give you appearance as close to mine as I can! It may take a while but-” before he finished, he was brought into a hug. His chest against, Patton’s chest. His own beating heart, against Patton’s artificial one. He could feel it. Roman knew that Patton wasn’t born like any other person. It didn’t make him fake though. For sure the warmth spreading across Roman’s own body coming from Patton was real.

Patton’s chin rested in the crook of Roman’s neck. 

“Thank you, Roman.” whispered Patton. At this moment Roman realized how little of differance there was between them. 

He moved away after few minutes of silence. Patton fell asleep.

“Have sweet dreams.” Roman smiled before leaving the workshop.

~~~

Logan didn’t mind Roman working on Patton’s appearance as long as he didn’t interrupt his own work. Virgil was absolutely marvelled with the idea, which made Roman even more excited himself. As soon as he shared his idea with Logan and Virgil, the second one insisted on going shopping in order to find everything that Roman needed.

“The cost doesn’t matter. Logan and I were fools to forget about his aesthetics.” summed Virgil, practically dragging Roman out of the workshop. “I had no doubts that you would become so much more for our team, than just housekeeper.” he added, purring with satisfaction and sending the brightest smile Roman had ever seen. He couldn’t say no after a confession like that. Especially when his heart let out such a adorable noise of content.

That’s how Roman found himself standing on the pavement in the busiest part of the city. The street was filled almost only with people from higher class, followed quietly by their servants. 

Roman blushed slightly. That’s how he must had looked, following Virgil in the crowd. He cursed quietly at his fate. If they met earlier, under other circumstances, it wouldn’t look like that. They would go next to each other and he wouldn’t have to be ashamed of his scruffy look. For the first time in many months he found himself thinking about his previous life. He missed it. He missed some of its aspects. Raised in the spirit of being respected, it was still extremely painful for him to stay calm, whenever he was mistreated or ignored. He looked at the Virgil’s back. His tanned neck, softly covered with black hair, elegant, expensive shirt. Even he didn’t know. It hurt. Virgil probably didn’t even realize how the way they walked was humiliating to his companion. How could he know? There was no need to bring up Roman’s ancestry. No one would believe him anyway. Roman looked down in shame. 

In some ways, the life he lived, the reality he existed in, during his studies overseas was perfect. Sure, that country struggled with many issues too, including poverty and constant political changes but at least the social ladder wasn’t as ruthless as here. Roman knew that he didn’t pay much attention to that when he was actually there, but now that he thought about it… It sounded almost like paradise. Joan’s face appeared in his mind. He wondered how were they doing. If Joan saw him now, would they recognize their old friend…? Roman would give a lot to see them again. To visit that country again. Maybe even stay there forever. He smiled to the vivid memories, letting them fill his head. 

The escape from reality. 

What would life be without dreams and hopes?

~~~

The air was filled with people running their daily errands. So was Virgil’s head. Roman was right, Patton had full right to have an actual face. The man had stopped thinking about Patton in terms of machine long time ago. It almost felt as though he was his uncle, responsible for luxuriant presents and spoiling the nephew. 

Virgil didn’t regret getting involved in business with Logan. It brought him more joy than anything else in past few years. If he only could, he would spend every day in that old workshop. Thanks to Roman’s help, it wasn’t even than dirty anymore—something that always bothered Virgil a little bit. Despite not being born within the richest class, his parents always paid attention to things like appearance and neatness. He knew that if his family wasn’t a cultural mix, they would already have a title along with the important place on the political stage. But honestly, Virgil didn’t mind being where he was.  

He had only one problem, a problem that had troubled him for a while now. Money. Hiring Roman was a necessity. Besides as soon as he saw the man, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to refuse him. Unfortunately, it didn’t have a good effect on the state of his personal assets and it was troubling him constantly.

What was he doing here again? Virgil looked around. Where even was he? Ah, right. They had to go buy some materials which would allow Roman to create skin for Patton. Roman, right… Where was he?

No one paid attention to him when Virgil suddenly stopped.

“Roman, where are you?” he asked a little bit lost.

“I’m here.” said quiet voice behind him. 

Sighing with relief, Virgil turned around. They were the same height and yet in the middle of the noisy street, Roman appeared much smaller than he was in reality. Virgil tilted his head, trying to understand sudden change of behaviour. In the workshop Roman had close to zero stops- he was joking around, occasionally teasing and singing when he thought no one would hear him. Now Roman looked like he was absolutely terrified but did his best not the show that.

“Is everything alright, Roman? Why are you going behind me? I don’t want to lose you in the crowd.” he asked casually, ignoring the people shaking their head upon seeing him blocking the way.

Roman seemed to be at a loss of words for a moment, before he shook his head and replied seriously:

“I’m simply following the etique. I doubt you want to be seen with someone like me, walking next to you on the street.” though Roman’s voice was perfectly calm, it held some bitter undertones that Virgil couldn't ignore.

“What the hell are you talking about Roman?” Virgil huffed out, grabbing Roman’s hand and dragging him aside. The crowd looked at their linked hands in disbelief and Roman found his blush growing bigger. He looked at Virgil. His face remained serious.

Finally Virgil stopped at the beginning of one of the alleys, leading to the more peaceful part of the district. The sandy colour of the wall was a perfect background for his kept in dark tones outfit. He looked almost majestic. Dark eyes were shining like a hot coals, warming up the colour of face. Roman cautiously took a step behind, trying to create a distance between them. He really didn’t want to cause any more trouble for Virgil.

“Explain Roman.” Virgil sighed a little bit shakily “Here I was thinking that we were friends who don’t give a crap about their social class. Don’t you think of me in that way? What have I done? Was I too arrogant? Haughty? I swear, it was never my intention! I didn’t mean to… I just wanted... ” he was spitting the words out of himself as if they were poison and with terror Roman had realized that Virgil’s face was growing more and more pale, his eyes more and more lost and he was barely breathing at this point.

Not wasting much time Roman grabbed Virgil hand and put it on his chest, lying the other one on his shoulder.

“Look at me, Virgil. Look at me.” Their eyes locked. Virgil’s pupils were almost as large as his irises. Despite that, he didn’t pay much attention to the surroundings. It occured that he barely recognized Roman. “Breathe with me, Virgil.” 

Roman pressed Virgil’s hand closer to his own chest. His heart was beating quicker than usual but it had to do for now.

“Can you feel my heartbeat?” Roman asked gently, never losing eye-contact with Virgil. The other nodded. “Good, then focus on this and this thing only.”

His hand was cold compared to Roman’s warm chest. Long fingers were twitching restlessly and Roman, a little bit hesitant, squeezed Virgil’s palm, trying to bring him back on earth. The physical contact seemed to be working quite well. After few minutes, Virgil could finally breathe again and the pure fear disappeared from his eyes. He was still a little bit paler than usual but as soon as he realized in what position he had gotten himself into he abruptly took away his hand, flushing. Roman had to bit his lips at the adorable expression of confusion and shyness that was painted on the other’s male face. It was refreshing to see that side of him.

“I’m sorry to go off like that.” mumbled Virgil finally, refusing to look back at Roman “I didn’t see that coming. I just… I panicked and… I’m just really sorry that you had to witness it. I usually deal with that by myself.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have to.” Roman rubbed Virgil’s arm in a comforting manner. The silk under his touch was smooth and delicate but he could still feel the tensed muscles under Virgil’s skin. He was cold. “It’s okay, really. I’m just sorry you had to go through this.”

Virgil shook his head firmly, brows furrowed.

“It doesn’t matter. You shouldn’t have seen that.” he looked up “But thank you for helping me. It means a lot.” Virgil smiled weakly and made a gesture as if he wanted to grab Roman’s hand but before his fingers reached Roman, he moved it back.

“Anytime you need.” smiled Roman softly. The memory of the shape of Virgil’s cold hand slowly fading away. “Does… does it happen often?” he asked cautiously, trying to maintain the eye-contact with Virgil who avoided it at all cost.

“Why do you care?” snored Virgil, folding his arms on the chest and absently looking away. Few longer strands of his hair, fell at his forehead.

The ground shook beneath Roman.  _ Why did he care? Why did he care? _ How could Virgil ask a question like that. Wasn’t he the one who passionately rambled about their friendship? It felt like Roman had been thrown into an icy cold lake. Did his previous behavior crossed him off from the list of Virgil’s friends? His own thoughts, coming after him like a violent storm, made him shiver. His tongue felt numb, as he afraid of the possible answer to his words, he said on one breath:

“We’re friends so it’s obvious that I care.” 

Like in slow-motion, Roman watched Virgil turn his face back to him again. Dark eyes were shining, and the most lovely, gentle smile was starting to crawl in the corners of his lips.

“Really?” Virgil’s voice was silky soft, he sounded touched. The burden was taken off Roman’s heart again.

“Of course.” confirmed Roman, wanting to bow gratefully more as a joke than a sign of respect, but before he managed to do that, Virgil pulled him into tight hug.

Their hearts were beating against each other, being so close that they almost felt like one organ. Roman stiffened a little bit at first but soon relaxed in the warm embrace. The noisy streets and judging people didn’t exist. All that mattered was the stable breath against his neck and rhythmical heartbeat against his chest. After few moments Roman rested his chin in the crook of Virgil’s neck. The velvet tickled his skin but he couldn’t care less. The hug around his neck tightened and only then he decided to put his hand around Virgil’s waist. He smelt so nice, like home and safety. They stayed like that for a few more minutes before Virgil gently stepped away.

“Thank you for that.” he muttered quietly, rubbing the back of his neck. The blush was spreading from across his cheeks, down his neck, where it disappeared under the dark shirt. Roman bit his lips. His heart was still hammering, crushing his ribs in every way possible and yet not hurting him at all. 

Slowly and lazily like a cat after a nap, daily life started reaching for them again, ringing them back where they were. The middle of a quiet alley in one of the most exclusive parts of the town. The intimacy of the moment hit them with double strength, when an elderly Chinese woman appeared at the entrance of the alley, followed by her daughter. The ladies seized up two men who were still standing surprisingly close considering their social classes.

“You should probably get going. Logan is going to be worried.” said Roman, staring at the ground. The footsteps of the ladies, echoed across the alley as they passed them. He tried hard to wipe out that goofy smile off his face, to avoid any suspicions from their side, but no matter how much he tried, it kept returning like a boomerang. 

“Oh, I doubt that he will be worried, but you’re right.” laughed Virgil nervously “Let’s get over this.”

This time they were walking through the crowd side by side. It felt nice even though Roman could physically feel the eyes of other pedestrians on himself. Whenever someone dared to mumble something in his direction, Virgil immediately turned around and pierced said person with his icy cold, black eyes. He didn’t remind him of that man who had a panic attack in the alley few minutes ago at all. Roman tried not to stare at him for too long but he couldn’t help wondering how often Virgil had to put on a mask like this one. He tried coming back to the teaching his parents shared with him when he was younger.

 

_ Show no weakness. _

_ Nobility doesn’t panic. _

_ Tears are highly inappropriate. _

 

Something was telling Roman that Virgil received similar training and rearing during his childhood. There were so many parallels between these two and Roman wanted nothing more than to share his own stories with Virgil. He knew, he wanted to believe that he would be listened to. But he couldn’t tell. He was too embarrassed of his legacy, too scared of the reaction. The temptation was big but it wasn’t the right time to share a news like that. Maybe it never would be.

Virgil opened the door in front of him, just like always letting Roman go in first. The store wasn’t big but Roman immediately noticed that he should be able to buy most of the necessary materials here. He pulled folded piece of paper out of his pocket. Luckily he made a list earlier, afraid that he would forget about something. Roman walked over the stationer, instructing what kind of paints and glues would he need. The lady saizened him up with her green eyes.

“Do you have money to pay for that, kid?” she asked, almost mockingly. She couldn’t be much older than Roman himself but her words still stung him. Well, of course. Stationary were always expensive. It was obvious that person looking like him, buying long list of professionalist products would seem suspicious. Roman opened his mouth hopelessly and in the same moment he felt someone’s hand resting on his shoulder.

“This young gentleman is with me and I would rather you to treat him as any other customer, miss.” said Virgil slowly. Even though he wasn’t talking to Roman, cold shiver still ran down his spine. 

The stationer immediately bowed respectfully, muttering dishonest apologies and avoiding Virgil’s gaze. Soon after that she disappeared in the back of the shop.

“Thank you for that.” coughed out Roman, Virgil’s hand slipped off his shoulder.

“I didn’t see that coming, sorry.” explained Virgil “I thought that she would treat you like any other customer and I wanted to give you some space. Besides, I didn’t know what to ask for.” his voice was getting breathy again.

“It’s alright, Virgil really. Not your fault.” Roman stopped the stream of words quickly, sensing the possibility of another panic attack if he didn’t so something. “You couldn’t know. Thank you for your intervention.” he added, sending him a bright smile.

“You don’t have to lie, you know.” said Virgil quietly. The temperature in the room dropped by few degrees.

“I don’t know what you mean?” Roman tried playing dumb, fear spreading across his body.

“I can see that you’re uncomfortable being treated as someone lower class than me.” Virgil explained, glancing at the entrance to the store. They were the only customers. 

“I-”

“No need to explain. I completely understand why you feel that way. I would feel like a piece of shit too. We should all be born equal.” Virgil scratched his chin, looking at Roman.

The sun was getting into the room through the colorful glass in the windows, throwing soft pastel rays at the floor and men. They were completely covered with rainbow little dots, dancing on their clothes and skin. It was warm again. The danger of being exposed that Roman feared of so irrationally had passed and he allowed himself to smile again. Small fragments of dust or maybe pieces of hope were twirling in the air. Roman drawed air into his lungs.

“Hey Virgil, what would you-”

“I think I found everything!” exclaimed the shop assistant, heavily rolling into the room with various boxes and packages. 

“You will ask me later, okay?” said Virgil quietly and Roman nodded, though unconvinced. The moment had passed. And he wasn’t sure if he would ever be alone with Virgil for long enough to talk like that. 

His heart ached as he watched the man paying for the stuff. His elegant clothes, long, slender neck, black hair, skin coloured like coffee with milk. Then he reminded himself of Virgil’s kindness, unique sense of humor and intelligence. And once again Roman regretted deeply that he was pushed on the bottom of social ladder. He thought of the faraway country from his memories where love was allowed in all its shapes and colours.

Virgil handed him few boxes, smiling lightly.

He truly had beautiful eyes.

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 

The beamed daily light was filling the room, adding golden reflexes to the silver mechanisms spread across the table. Most of the machines were turned off, so the workshop was almost silent. The tranquility from time to time torn apart by Logan’s swears and Roman’s giggling.

“And?” asked Logan a little bit impatiently “How do you feel? It shouldn’t be that heavy now…” he added, making away. He grabbed the notebook and opened it where he left it marked with his pen. His fingers were anxiously waiting from a sign to write.

Patton jumped off the table, almost soundlessly. He confidently walked few steps forward, raised the left knee up and drew a small circle with his feet. Then he did the same thing with his other leg.

“It’s much better!” he grinned, shaking his head. Soft, hazelnut brown locks, twirled in the air, creating a lovely, curly halo. Only then Roman came closer, smiling brightly.

“Well, Patton! Now you can walk a distance!” laughed Roman, admiring Patton’s smooth movements. 

“Does it look natural?” Patton asked, twirling around.

“I wouldn’t do that better, friend!” replied Roman, watching Patton giggle. His voice was silky and laugh very melodic and perfectly natural.

“Yes… Indeed, it’s amazing how much a few weeks of hard work can do.” Logan said, scribing something in his notebook. He watched Patton walk, run, and jump around the room. Something in the way Patton moved, reminded him of the small mechanism closed in the mechanic chest, bringing back all the memories it of problems it caused. Logan rubbed his temple and sighed “I feel like we’re slowly getting there, though there are still some things we need to work on. Sit.” he ordered shortly, closing the notebook. “I have to open the chest.”

The smile immediately dropped off of Patton’s face but he obeyed without a word of complaint, putting both hands on the back of the table. It was no secret that Patton disliked when Logan opened his body to check something, even if it meant fixing an issue or solving a problem. “The examination” usually had negative impact on his mood and till the end of the day, he was much more quiet than usual. It got worse when Roman finished working on his skin and hair. Now Patton’s face looked as if he was born human. Although it didn’t get cold, nor warm, it was soft and the curves of the metallic plates under it were barely visible. They could easily be mistaken as a sharp jawline bones. Patton was extremely happy with the effect. He spent days touching his own face and adjusting the wig. In this situation Logan’s “examinations” were like a painful reminder that he in fact wasn’t the same like the rest of them.

Before Logan managed to reach for the first button of Patton’s shirt, the other one lightly pushed his hand away.

“If you excuse me, I would prefer doing it myself.” he said and though he was speaking perfectly casually, it was hard to pretend that he wasn’t sad “And Roman?”

“Hm?” hummed the man in reply, looking through the window on the harbour. 

“If you didn’t mind…” Patton bit his lips. Roman did really good job with this part of his body, making it soft with a special plasma which was created with Logan’s help “Could you go out until I’m all closed again?”

Roman smiled lightly at the ask.

“Of course. Someone has to open the doors for Virgil anyway!” his eyes brightened up slightly “Oh and Patton? If you don’t mind, I want to do a check up on your sews later, is that alright with you? Because I have a feeling that they are asymmetrical and-”

“No problem!” beamed Patton “Just make sure to be careful this time! I don’t want another needle in the neck situation! You could use one of these small nails this time! You almost  _ nailed _ that technique!” he joked lightly, slowly opening the first button of the shirt.

“Will do, Pat. Call me when you’re two are done.” Roman suggested and walked out of the room, leaving Logan and Patton alone.

The workshop instantly filled with uncomfortable silent, only the sound of the sea coming from outside, destroying the perfect peacefulness of the place. Patton looked at Logan who was currently adjusting the chair so that his face could be directly at the level of his chest. 

 

“You look so serious, Lo.” mumbled Patton, unbuttoning his shirt, slowly revealing the cracks covering his skin. Even though major part of his body was perfectly covered with something akin to a skin, the chest and back looked like a patchwork blanket. The flappers were uneven and the shades of squares differed from each other. Each of the cracks covering his chest marked place which could be opened. Through each of them someone could get inside Patton’s body and he couldn’t do anything about it. 

“Well, this is serious work.” replied Logan, putting Patton’s shirt away. Without a warning, he pressed one of the flappers on the left. The mechanism let go, slowly, revealing a hole on the level of Patton’s heart and left lung.

“Is it necessary?” asked Patton when Logan’s hand dived in his chest. He knew that there’s nothing to fear- Logan wouldn’t hurt him, but the feeling was unsettling. It made him feel like an  _ object _ again. 

“There’s some issue I want to fix…” muttered Logan, but it seemed that he said that more to himself than Patton. Something clicked inside and Logan took out his hand “How do you feel?”

“Hmm….” hummed Patton “It seems that my right ear isn’t working and beside that I’m fine.” he smiled brightly, hoping that Logan would smile back.

“So that’s not the problem caused by switchers…” sighed Logan, not even trying to hide the disappointment and put the hand back into the chest. If Patton didn’t see him doing that, he wouldn’t even feel that there’s something inside of him.

“Maybe I could help?” suggested Patton softly “I know myself the best, right?’

Logan looked up at him, adjusting the glasses. His eyes revealed a mix of surprise and disbelief.

“Technically, I know you the best.” he said, maintaining the eye-contact. Patton’s heart let out a soft squeak and if he could he would blush. That sounded like a beginning of actual conversation. Something Patton was dying to do with Logan for a long time.

 

“No. You know me best from the technical side. That’s different.” he pointed proudly “I’ve done my homework and read all these dictionaries you left me, Lo. There’s a difference between word ‘technically’ and ‘technical’.” The switcher under his collarbone clicked again.

“You don’t understand it, do you?” Logan shook his head, getting up “I mean, I’m not surprised. How could you?” he turned away from Patton, walking over to the shelf standing nearby.

Patton frowned. If he got a penny every time Logan shook his head at him, he would be rich by now. And he could provide some money for better accumulators. That would made Logan happy, wouldn’t it?

“How could I understand what, Logan?” something in Patton boiled and he firmly closed the flapper on his chest and pulled on his shirt. He wished for nothing more than an explanation on what he should improve. He would do anything to be more of a human.

“Nothing.” shot Logan.

“Tell me! I can learn this, i promise!” whined Patton, jumping off the table and trying to button his shirt with one hand, while the other rested on the wall as he tried to stood straightly. The sensors always needed time to adjust to the new position.

“There are things that are out of your range of knowledge.” cut Logan, taking another screwdriver out of the box. Patton immediately froze at his spot.

“Do we have to use this nasty thing today?” he said quietly “It burns every time… Like you were stabbing me.” he added, looking at the ground. 

“Preposterous. How could you know how does it feel like to be stabbed.” Logan sat back on his chair. “Sit back. I want this to be over just as much as you do.”

“I read about stabbing in the book, Virgil loaned to me… There was a prince and he was fighting an evil dragon to save his friend. And he got stabbed and it hurt.” mumbled Patton. This time he let Logan unbutton his shirt by himself. He felt a slight  _ pang _ when Logan pressed another part of his chest. He had been thinking a lot about that. That he shouldn’t feel anything whenever he was opened but he couldn’t help the shiver. The cold air, broke into his insidings, penetrating every dark corner of his body. A reminder that he was in fact hollow inside.

“Books can’t provide full knowledge.” hummed Logan, putting the screwdriver into the corpus. Patton hissed quietly.

“But you said yourself that books are the key.” he said after few minutes quietly. He didn’t want to interrupt Logan in his work but he craved for the conversation more than usual.

Logan’s lips quirked up and Patton’s heart squealed again. The sound was soft, as if his heart wasn’t a clumsy ball made out of wire and mixture of metals, that somehow came to life. It sounded like something alive. Embarrassed of his reactions Patton put one of his hand on the chest, trying to muffle the sound but he couldn’t help it. He loved when Logan smiled.

“They are the key indeed.” agreed Logan, pulling out the screwdriver “But not books like these ones that Virgil brings. Not fairy tales. They don’t provide actual knowledge. I don’t understand why you insist on reading them.” He said, looking at Patton and covering the hole with one hand, gently pressing the flapper back on its place. The sign that they were done for today.

“They help me learn how to dream!” declared Patton proudly. Logan snorted.

“I told you that you don’t dream.”

“Roman, insists that I can!” cried Patton, the emotions rolled through his body.

“I’m losing my patience here. Haven’t I put it clear?” asked Logan “You just do check-ups on the mechanism inside you.”

“But I feel things when I’m asleep!” Patton grabbed Logan’s arm and frantically shook the other man, jumping off the table. “Once I had a dream that I was flying!”

“Eighteen moves when you sleep. That’s why.” dwelled Logan through clenched teeth. His face was flushing in the deep shade of red. His words added only more fuel to the anger boiling in Patton’s heart.

“There’s no Eighteen!” shouted out Patton “I’m not Eighteen, I’m Patton!” black, thick tear rolled down his cheek. Patton tried wiping it off but instead he smared the liquid across his cheek.

“I am aware of that and don’t get overexcited, it may be dangerous for the mechanism.” pointed Logan, sighing as if he was dealing with a stubborn child. He handed an old handkerchief. With one firm gesture, Patton slapped away Logan’s hand, leaving a mark stain on his palm.

Patton’s eyes filled with black tears, making his eyes almost completely black. He tried blinking them away but it only made everything worse. His vision was almost completely dark and he gripped the edges of the table behind him even tighter, afraid of losing his consciousness. It happened often, whenever emotions were too overwhelming for him. Patton breathed heavily. The cold air drawn through his nostrils, were tickling him from the inside, causing nausea. It took him all his self-control not to spill the dark liquid that was circulating in his circuit everywhere around him.

“If you’re aware then why don’t you even use my name?!” cried out Patton, “Why it’s never Patton? Why is it only ‘you’? Or ‘it’?! You think i don’t remember, do you?”  laughed Patton bitterly, the thick tears were running down his face, creating black streams. “I do remember everything! I remember being a small ball locked in a box! I remember your voice! I remember you saying so many times that you can’t wait until I… until I would break down forever so that you could work on something better! But I also remember your gentle voice when I made a sound for the first time! I remember how you fell asleep trying to work out how I could work better! And yet! You-” Patton didn’t care if whole house could hear him or not. All he could see was Logan’s face, unreadable as always, the most advanced books of them all “I’m sorry for being such a disappointed to you! I’m sorry for being… I’m sorry for being Patton not Eighteen or Seventeen or-” he stopped abruptly. His eyes closed and he stumbled across the table. Logan caught him in the last moment before Patton collapsed on the floor. 

Sighing, the man put Patton on the small couch nearby. The thick tears desiccated on his face. Small, black bubbles in the dark streams under his eyes, looked like mold. Logan crouched down next to the lying Patton. He looked as if he was sleeping. Cautiously he used his handkerchief to wipe the black streams off his face. He only managed to make them look worse, painting Patton’s whole face with unhealthy shade of dark grey. Sticking out his tongue, Logan adjusted the wig which slipped to the left in the process. Patton’s hair was soft under the touch and for a moment Logan wanted to play with it a little bit longer. Until Patton would wake up. He backed off quickly. No. He shouldn’t think like that. This… abnormal creature was his project, and it should stay that way. 

Walking out of the room, he passed Roman and Virgil standing nervously in the corridor. He looked at them and they looked at him, eyes full of worry. 

“It fainted but should wake up soon. A lot of goo smeared on his face. It may be hard to clean up.” Logan said clearing his throat. 

“Why did he cry?” Virgil’s eyes were dark and hunched.

Logan blinked.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. It was interior error. I will try to get rid of it.” said Logan coldly before disappearing in his room. The door shut with loud bang.

 

\----

 

Roman and Virgil exchanged half confused and half scared looks. They didn’t hear everything from the conversation but the cries that escaped Patton’s throat were more than highly disturbing. 

“You’re gonna talk to Logan and I will talk to Patton?” asked Roman with the hand on the doorknob leading to the workshop. 

“Sure but I want to wait until Patton is at least a little bit awake.” nodded Virgil.

The atmosphere in the workshop wore the signs of argument. Roman as an official housekeeper, quickly noticed that the chaos on the tables and shelves was different from the casual messiness. The negative vibes were still twitching in the air, making Virgil shiver. He hated loud, aggressive voices, no matter how much he wanted to get used to them. Seeing his trembling hand, Roman gently squeezed Virgil’s arm, sending a reassuring smile. 

They didn’t have any troubles with finding Patton in this mess. He was sleeping in his usual place, in the nook in the corner. Books were piling next to the couch. One of Patton’s hands was dangling off the edge. On the contrary to when he was awake, now his chest wasn’t moving. He looked like a sculpture or a doll with face marked with black tears.

“We should clean his face before he wakes up.” whispered Virgil and kneeled next to the bed. His fingers ran through Patton’s unkempt, curly locks. “Could you bring me a glass of water to wet the cloth?” 

“Of course.” nodded Roman and left the room.

Virgil sat next to the couch, back leaning on the arm holder. Suddenly he felt utterly and completely lonely. He looked over his shoulder. Patton’s chest still wasn’t moving which meant that he’s deep asleep. Virgil took the first book lying on the top of the pile. He knew all of them, as most of the titles he remembered from his childhood. Old, colorful fairy tales, full of brave knights and beautiful princesses. With surprise, he noticed that some parts of the books were marked with a grey pencil. He read the first fragment.

It was the story about a shy prince who was afraid of going outside. Because of that he locked himself in the highest tower, to dedicate his life to studying old volumes. One day the kingdom was attacked with a plague. Despite the danger, prince decided to stay in the castle, letting his family escape to the faraway land alone. The prince didn’t even notice when the plague was gone. His family never came back and he stayed in his tower. Finally one day, a competition was held under his tower. The citizens of the country forgot about the prince many years earlier and thought that the tower is abandoned. Prince from his tower heard exactly what was the goal of the race- the first knight who climb on the top of the castle would win. A shadow of fear fell on prince’s heart. He was afraid that someone would find him and force him to go out of the tower. Terrified prince, hid under the bed. He could hear the sound of battles coming from the staircase. Finally, someone opened the door widely, letting the scent of sweat and grass inside. The smell was so intriguing that prince crawled from underneath his bed. At first the knight wanted to fight! But prince quickly explained his situation. The knight immediately felt sorry for the prince and decided to help him. Bringing prince out of the tower wasn’t easy- it took them months of honest conversations and hours filled with tears. Finally a year after the competition, the prince and knight went out of the tower. It turned out that prince’s family was waiting for him to go out all that time. He reunited with his family and made the knight his personal adviser. And they lived happily ever after.

Salty tear fell at the page and Virgil with terror noticed that he was crying. He tried to wipe of the tears quickly before anyone sees, when someone grabbed his hand from behind. Virgil turned around. Patton was looking at him with his clear blue eyes.

“I cried today too.” he smiled weakly, his curls spread across the fluffy pillow.

“Did…” Virgil’s voice was rough and quiet “Did Logan hurt you?”

Patton hummed, putting the finger on his lower lip.

“No, I don’t think he did. Well, except for the screwdriver. It always hurts.” Patton covered his forehead with his arm as though he was trying to protect his eyes from the sun.

“If he didn’t hurt you then why were you crying?” asked Virgil, fully turning to face Patton.

“I had a disagreement with Logan. But this is normal.” Patton tried smiling but it also made him look sadder, the dark stains were still covering his cheeks “We’re different after all…” he added after a while.

“Logan is jealous of you.” said Virgil quietly.

“I doubt that.” laughed Patton “He despise me, I think. I’m nothing he expected me to be.” and before Virgil managed to deny that, he asked: “Virgil, can I ask you something? Why did you take me back then? When I exploded into pieces? I remember the fire that was eating me from inside and I thought that it was the end of me. And then I felt something warm and smooth. Your hand. You gathered every single piece of what used to be my body and demanded Logan to fix me. Why?” 

Patton’s eyes were big, curious and pleading and Virgil knew that he simply couldn’t escape from the truth. He rubbed his nape, trying to buy himself some time. Virgil, however, was never a good liar.

“There were many reasons for that.” He sighed, watching Patton prompt on his elbows. Virgil waited until he made himself comfortable before picking up the subject “Mostly because I was sent by my parents to sponsor something extraordinary which would make our family even more famous and noble. I was searching for something that would speak to my heart, to my soul. And I’ve seen many wonderful inventions but they were nothing but empty objects, aimed at the marked. And then I saw you. I saw a soul. And I knew that if I have to support something financially, it has to be another soul.” He exhaled shakily. The amount of words flew through him like a wild river, washing his bangs, splashing water on his insidings. Bringing both freshness and the feeling that something had passed and would never come back.

“Can I ask one more thing?”

“Shoot. It’s a saying.” he explained beforehand.

Patton chewed on his lips, playing with small pencil between his fingers.

“Did your family approved the choice? Of the project you decided to support in their name?

Virgil looked Patton right into eyes, trying to figure out if he could lie about this. Two deep blue mirrors of the soul were staring right at him. For a moment it felt like Virgil could see himself crying in these magnetizing orbs.

His lips formed into a perfect circle but no sound came out of his mouth. Patton nodded with understanding. He didn’t need words to know.

In the same moment, the door to the workshop swung opened and Roman walked into the room, carrying a big buckle of water and clean clothes.

“Oh, Patton! You’re awake! How magnificent! Are you feeling better?” He asked worryingly rushing to the couch. Virgil quickly moved away, leaving more space of him. 

“I feel much better, I just needed a nap.” said Patton, revealing two rows of perfectly white teeth.

Unsure of what to do Roman glanced at Virgil who coughed loudly before getting up.

“I will leave you two here. I have some… business to attend.” he excused himself.

“Logan left. I tried to stop him but he told me that he had to go.” said Roman quietly, carefully washing Patton’s face. The water in the bucket were slowly tinting in the shade of faint black. The color of Patton’s tears. 

“Shit.” cursed Virgil. He bit his thumb anxiously, trying to think of what to do next.

Roman put down the cloth.

“Go home, Virgil. I know that you planned to come here only for a minute today. You should really go home.” he sighed, folding the cloth again. He wanted Virgil to stay longer, they barely got to talk but he knew that he was probably very busy man. It was not Roman’s intention to stand in the way of Virgil’s career. “I can deal with this myself.” he added, avoiding to look at Virgil. He decided to focus mainly of washing off especially dark stain in the corner of Patton’s eyes.

“If you say so…” mumbled Virgil and lightly patted Roman’s shoulder. The kneeling man smiled to himself at this awkward but innocent gesture. “See you soon, Patton.” 

“And you too Roman.” he said and turned around.

Only when Virgil was climbing up the small stairs that were leading to the door, Roman let himself send a longing look at the back of disappearing male. He loved his posture. He was tall, but not too tall. Slim but not skinny. Well-built but definitely not muscular. There was something graceful even in the way he walked up the stairs. Closing the door, Virgil caught Roman’s gaze and before the other managed to turn away, he sent him a shy smile. Roman blushed and started rubbing the stain off with even more energy than before. He had completely forgotten that he wasn’t alone.

Patton hummed quietly, dragging Roman’s attention back to himself.

“Am I interrupting something?” asked Patton arching his brow.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” answered Roman shortly, refusing to look at Patton.

“If you say so…” said Patton, innocently fluttering his eyelashes.

Roman’s blush deepened but he didn’t say anything at this remark. He worked for a few minutes in silence. As soon as he finished cleaning up Patton’s face and neck which also suffered from his thick, dark tears, he immediately started checking the small sews and stitches that ran down Patton’s neck. They were barely visible from the distance. Roman was aiming for them to look like a scar, that an actual sew.

“Well they look quite nice. I’m pretty sure that we don’t have to change them any time soon.” he declared finally, rubbing the place where neck was meeting with the shoulder’s frame. He gently nagged one of the middle stitches checking if they weren’t to lose, almost purring with pride.

“But you will check them next week too…?” asked Patton worryingly, touching the spot which Roman examinted few seconds earlier. He sat up on the couch making a space for Roman to rest next to him. 

“Of course!” smiled Roman “That’s no problem for me!” he threw himself on the couch, sighing heavily. It took him longer than Logan and Virgil to get used to Patton but ever since he started working on his appearance, they grew significantly closer. It was a tough and rocky path but they finally have created something that could be called a close friendship. Roman also helped Patton find the answers to the most abstract questions, explaining feelings, emotions and relations between people. With Virgil’s help, they taught Patton about proper etiquette, which felt a little bit as though they were raising up a child. But Patton was very clever student, he never asked the same question twice and if he had a problem with something, he usually tried to find the answer by himself first before asking any of them.

“Oh, I see that you read some new fairy tales!” said Roman excitedly.

“I took your advice! I think they really help me understand what is to dream!” smiled Patton brightfully, leaning over to grab the book which Virgil read. “The drawings in this one are so pretty!” he squealed in joy. “Like small pieces of art! I can’t decide what I like more: drawings or the story itself!”

“Who said you have to chose?” laughed Roman “Life is all about compromises, dearest Patton! Especially when it comes to people or things you care about!” he said dreamingly. 

Patton smiled slightly and leaned over the book.

“Virgil really likes this story, I think.” hummed Patton, immediately gaining Roman’s attention.

“How do you know? What is it about? He told you so?” He shot the questions faster than Patton could answer.

“Well, he read it and…” Patton bit his lips, he suspected that Virgil would prefer if he didn’t reveal that he cried “He just read it and looked like he liked it!” Patton skimmed the book, trying to find the ending of the story. Finally, he opened it on a beautiful hand-drawn drawing marking the end of the story “Look, at the end the knight and the prince were both happy and successful! And they conquered their fears! Happy ending, right?” smiled Patton and Roman only shook his head.

“You know what would be a happy ending? The prince and the knight falling in love and living together forever! I would want an ending like that. Especially for myself.” said Roman blushing fiercely. 

“Oh.” gasped Patton, putting his hands on his lips. Roman’s heart hammered loudly. Maybe he should not have said that? After all, this was not a relationship approved by the society in this land. The fear came after him like a cold shower. This felt different than talking with Remy about the asexuality spectrum. Patton was his close friend and if he didn’t accept Roman… he wasn’t sure what he was going to do.

“I… I mean…” Roman tried to explain but his own voice refused to cooperate with him. With eyes, filled with terror, he looked at the man, sitting next to him.

“That’s so cute!” squealed Patton finally. His eyes were big like a plate, shining with all shades of blue “I just realize that it’s like Virgil and you! You could be a prince and he could be a knight!”

“Nonsense!” laughed Roman nervously, the hotness on his cheeks spreading down his neck, coloring his warm skin tone with red shades. “We’re just friends!”

“Mhm…” murmured Patton, skimming the book and smiling mischievously. 

Roman sighed with relief. So it seemed that Patton wouldn’t mind. It was a nice, comforting thought. His thoughts went to Joan and the support they showed to Roman once. He knew that he would never forget their help. He loved Joan in the most platonic way possible but it was also that kind of love that he would never want to forget about. 

“You know Patton…” he started, trying to pour all his deepest dreams and desires into one, simple sentence “No matter what shape, love is something worth dreaming for. And it’s also worth all kind of compromises. As long as both of the people give, not only take; as long as they love to the point they are willing to overlook each other flaws… Love is worth it.”

Patton tilted his head to the side. Creamy stitches shined in the beamed light coming through the window.

“Has that  always been your dream, Roman? Love?”

“No… Not really... “ humms Roman “Just like you, I had to learn how to dream. You think that I had this all figured out since I was born? Fat chance! Oh, if you met me few years ago… You wouldn’t recognize me.” chuckled Roman, playing with his short braid. “Well, dear Patton. It’s getting dark and I would prefer to get home before the street fills with disgusting, drunk, stinky men. So if you excuse me, I will take my leave.”

Patton nodded energetically to show that he understood, but before Roman managed to walk away, he pushed the book with fairy tales into his hands.

“You can borrow it. I’m sure that Virgil wouldn’t mind and I have a feeling like you need this more than I do.” smiled Patton brightly. Seconds later Roman’s arms wrapped around Patton’s neck. Hugs had became an unavoidable point of their daily farewells. 

When Roman left, Patton let his head rest on the pillow once again. He was tired. The thoughts were spinning in his head. He had many things to think about but he knew exactly what to do- Roman explained it clearly. If Patton wanted to make Logan happy he had to go on compromise.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 

Memories flew through Patton’s head with the speed of a firebolt when he heard the creaky front door open. Logan was always so quiet, but he could easily recognize his footstep. After all it was one of his favourite sounds, a sound of home. He closed his eyes, deciding that there would be no benefit in letting Logan know that he’s awake. Maybe he was still mad? There was no use in making him even more angry. Another sound caught Patton’s attention. Much heavier but still quite familiar. He smiled lightly. Maybe it was silly of him, but he liked when Remy was around. Patton probably had more in common with Remy than with any other person he knew. And that was relaxing.

He saw Remy’s hand only twice in his life and yet these two brief seeings left a significant mark in Patton’s memory. If Remy, who was partly artificial, was human then Patton could be human as well, right? He had an artificial body but he knew, he wanted to believe, that his soul, feelings and even existence were all more than real. He was human. He would learn how to be one if that’s what it takes.

Patton leaned over the wall behind him and held his breath. He could stay in this position however long he wanted, pretending that he was asleep while in reality he was perfectly aware of his surroundings. It was an easy trick and though Patton felt wrong every time he acted like that, he used this ability from time to time.

_ “If you were a real person, you couldn’t do that.” _ whispered doubt in his heart but he quickly visualized wrapping the nasty thought with a blanket, putting into a box and hiding it in the darkest corner of his heart. Roman told him once that visualizing his emotions may help him feel more conscious of himself. And it was working. For most of the time. 

Meanwhile Logan and Remy walked into the workshop. The second one was chatting lightly bringing in fresh air and scraps of life from outside of this room. This room that Patton has never left in his life ever since he was shaped into a human. His only trip outside was only when Logan wanted to take him to that unfortunate gala few months ago. It seemed like a century ago but since then Patton was too scared to even try to leave this room. Though his heart ached for something new and exciting, the terror he felt thinking about leaving his safe place was too paralysing. After all last time he was outside, did not end up well for him. 

Time before he wasn’t in usage of his current body, Patton remembered only briefly. He remembered Logan and how much he admired him even back then. He remembered the glass box. He remembered fragments of their conversations, Logan never heard his answers but it didn’t matter to him. He treasured all of them. Patton also remembered the bubbling street and screams of strange, unknown people. He remembered falling down, the crash and losing Logan out of his sight. It was the worst thing Patton had ever experienced. The wind was throwing his little body wherever it wanted and he couldn’t do anything about it. The view from the skies at the city beneath him, should be exciting but all Patton could remember was plain, blinding fear. And the hope that he would find Logan because Logan for sure was looking for him too. Finally Patton remembered, catching a scent of Logan and finding him in some large building, surrounded with many other people. Patton’s little body started shaking back then filling with uneasy and unpleasant, rambling feeling. After that, he remembered only some inner power that ripped him from the inside. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Logan once again. The happiest moment of his life. Logan took him back!

Someone sat on the chair nearby bringing Patton back on earth. He couldn’t tell if he didn’t imagine all of that or were those for real his memories.

“It works fantastic, girl! I have no idea why you insist on these check-ups.” punted Remy.

“Sit straight and don’t move.” mumbled Logan, completely ignoring Remy’s whining.

Patton resisted the urge to giggle. He didn’t want to reveal that he wasn’t asleep. Remy was always so funny to listen to. He was the second person that Patton had came in contact with and he would never forget how weird the man seemed at the beginning. So different from Logan. In so many aspects, not only the personality!

Ever since Patton could remember Logan’s vibes were changing depending on the day. He couldn’t point that quite right at the beginning until he met Remy. But even after that it was hard to place the feeling right. Patton understood fully when once some woman knocked to Logan’s door. Though the inventor told her to leave almost immediately, Patton managed to grip exactly what he needed to understand Logan better. Remy’s gender was always the same. Always a man while Logan... It was as though in Logan’s case, it changed from time to time. But Patton wasn’t sure if Logan was fully aware of that, so he reminded silent. The only difference was that on days when Logan appeared to feel more feminine, Patton called him “Lo”. He was really proud of that secret idea.

“Is Patton asleep?” asked Remy suddenly and Patton himself stiffened. Last time Patton saw Logan, was during their fight, in the middle of which he passed out. When he woke up Logan was already gone.

“It seems so. Today was draining.” hummed Logan emotionlessly. The metal screeched as Logan was making sure that the gristles were attached tight enough. They were sitting in silence for a few minutes before Logan spoke up again: “Can you believe that all the memories made in the first phase of the construction was saved in the cloud? I didn’t think that the memory core was so advanced back then. Not to mention that it wasn’t destroyed during the explosion!”

Patton could feel his metallic heart rattling in his chest. Logan was surprised with his abilities! It almost sounded as though he was pleasantly surprised.

“It opens new perspectives, Remy! That means that the core mechanism is almost undestroyable!” Logan rambled happily. 

“Yes, but his body is. And he seems to like it quite a lot from what I’ve noticed.” pointed Remy quietly and Patton’s heartbeat changed the tone.  _ Oh. _

Patton wished he could open his eyes and see Logan’s face now. 

“Logan…” started Remy again, receiving no response. “You are aware that Patton is a living creature, right? Just like you and I?” he dwelled, his voice quiet and serious.

Patton was silently counting his how many times his heart rattled in the chest between Remy’s question and Logan’s reply.

“Yes.” said Logan finally. He sounded as though he had a big lump in his throat. “I do realize that there is  much more than I expected it to be.”

“And yet you still address him by ‘it’!” Exclaimed Remy, a shadow of betrayal and disappointment in his voice. Suddenly Patton was glad that he had his eyes closed. The dark tears gathering in the corners of his eyes had no chance to come out.

“It’s not that easy!” Logan groaned with annoyance. The sound of the chair moving away from the table broke the silence with numb screech. Patton hated this noise.

“Yes it is!” Remy jittered. “You just refuse to face the truth because it is different than your plan! But look at him-” shouted Remy “-he is much more better than what you have planned!” His voice bounced across the room, tracing marks of aggravation and cry of hopelessness.

“But it’s not what I planned.” replied Logan quietly. The atmosphere hanging in the air was unbearable, heavy and thick like a fog, clinging to the skin, clothes and hearts.

Remy sighed.

“I will better go home now, Logan.” his footsteps filled the silence. It was almost as if he was walking on fresh, bitter snow. “Think about what I told you. Patton is just like you and I, and he deserves to be treated as such. Besides… I think that he’s awake.” he said instead of goodbye and left the room.

The door closed with a loud bang and Patton opened his eyes. There was no point in pretending now. Logan was staring right at him, standing few meters away, his eyebrow arched and arms folded on the chest.

“You lied to me.” he spoke quietly.

“I did not.” Patton shook his head, despite the fear bubbling through his body, he was speaking in calm manner “I never told you that I was asleep. I didn’t want to interrupt your work, that’s all.” There was something in his heart, he couldn’t place the feeling right but it felt like it was merely a part of him. However he decided to brush it off for now.

“Well, then… How do you feel about this conversation?” asked Logan but it felt like it was more of a test than a question.

Patton knew how he felt about this. He felt sad and devastated. Tears are waiting for the right moment to burst out of his eyes again and he could feel as everything inside of him was trembling. But did Logan want to hear that Patton feels bad? Probably not. It was not what he expected when he first helped Patton form. 

_ “He wanted… No,”  _ Patton frowned at the whisper in his heart _ “Logan dreamt of something other than me.” _ wreckled thought crossed his mind, followed with another voice. Roman’s advice that one have to compromise when it comes to love. Patton gulped.

“How do you feel about this conversation?” repeated Logan and Patton understood that his time to think had come to an end.

“I feel alright.” he said, ignoring the twitching in his chest. “I don’t know why you ask.” Patton added, perfectly emotionlessly.

Logan’s brow raised even more. A blink of interest in his eyes.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes. I’m alright.” repeated Patton, ignoring the crushing feeling in his heart.

“This is unexpected.” hummed Logan with pleasure. Small smile appeared in the corners of his lips and Patton’s heart, despite being in pain, sang with joy. “You’re not lying to me, are you?” he asked one more time.

“No.” Patton said shortly, everything in his heart and mind screaming for someone to notice. It felt as though it wasn’t him speaking, but some creature that grew on him. Strange and terrifying. 

Logan walked few steps closer, resting next to Patton and putting his hands on the sides of Patton’s head. They were so close and Patton felt as though his heart would escape his chest any minute soon. Logan’s grey eyes were staring into his intensively, Patton could take his time to admire his beautiful, gentle features. Slim face, sharp cheekbones, long eyelashes and slightly pink lips. Suddenly he wanted to bring Logan even closer, hug him close to himself and stay like that forever. But it would deny everything he decided to achieve. He wanted Logan to be happy more than anything else. That’s why Patton didn’t even blink when Logan let go off his face.

“You appear to be honest.” hummed Logan getting up. He started walking circles around the room. Patton’s blue eyes never left the man, tracing his every move. “Well, basing on my research you reached another level of expansion. It has happened much faster than I calculated but it’s good. And if that’s the case, maybe I should start giving you some basic tasks to fulfill.” he stood next to the window and looked outside. The horizon was blurry as usual. “Are you willing to try?” Logan asked finally.

“I’m ready to work.” declared Patton proudly. He tried to make it sound as emotionless as he could. “Maybe I could try to organize your drawers?” he suggested flatly.

“Oh.” Logan’s lips formed a perfect ‘o’ “This is great idea. I will escort you to my room” he offered, immediately crossing the room. “Follow me.” 

Patton got up shakily. That was it. He was leaving the room. It would be the first time he climbed the stairs. Patton tried to calm down the beating of his heart. He couldn’t afford another black-out. He was learning to be emotionless after all. He was learning to be how he was supposed to be from the beginning. First step was easy, since the stairs weren’t that high after all. Logan opened the door in front of Patton and for the first time he found himself standing outside of his room.

Feeling a little bit dizzy, Patton placed his hand on the wall. It was different than the walls in the workshop. Corridor was covered with grey paint and Patton wished he could feel the difference under his fingers.

“Are you alright?” asked Logan behind him. He sounded concerned. Patton allowed himself to smile a little bit since Logan couldn’t see his face now. _ Logan was worried about him. _ What a wonderful feeling. With the corner of his eye he saw Logan’s hand on his own shoulder.  _ Logan was holding him to make sure that he’s okay. _ Patton bit his lips. He couldn’t let the mask slip off. Not now.

“Yes, I’m alright.” Patton stated calmly “Where is the room?”

“Ah! Right.” mumbled Logan. His hand let go off Patton’s shoulder, slipping down, until he grabbed his hand. “Let me lead you.”

Patton’s heart was trembling as they were walking down the corridor. He could barely feel the touch but it was there. Logan’s hand was so warm compared to his own. He was so… full of life. 

_ “You will never be like him.” _ echoed in Patton’s head.

Logan stopped and his hand slipped out of the grip, however subtle it was to begin with. He grabbed the doorknob of the dark door, looking at Patton.

“So this is my room and all you have to do is organizing stuff inside the drawers, is that clear?” he asked adjusting his glasses and let Patton inside. “I never let Roman do it but you… I don’t see why you couldn’t try.”

“I won’t fail you!” nodded Patton, walking into the small, yet quite messy, room. Roman must have had a hard time cleaning up this mess at least once a week. 

“Then I will take my leave. If you have any questions, I will be in the workshop.” said Logan and he was about to leave when he stopped in the doors “Are you sure you feel alright?” his silver eyes once again caught Patton’s blue ones into a trap.

Patton’s heart skipped a beat. It was much harder to say that looking into his eyes. He shook his head, trying to break the connection.

“I’m fine. My previous behaviour was childish and I’m ashamed of it.” stated Patton strongly.

“No sadness? No tears?” continued Logan, unknowingly pinning needles into Patton’s heart.

“No sadness and no tears.” echoed Patton. 

“I see.” muttered Logan and disappeared behind the door, closing it quietly.

_ “Now, you lied.” _  thought Patton before falling on pillows on Logan’s bed. It felt terrible. Lying to Logan. And it was just the beginning. The deceit in his heart was poisoning his non-existing veins, pouring toxins under his false skin.

“I can do it.” he mumbled to himself. “Nobody needs to know.”

He was determined to make Logan proud and if that meant going on compromise with himself… Roman said that it’s worth to do that. Patton had many doubts. He was scared if the feeling he kept safe and sound in his heart was real. If he could feel love, friendship… If any of these was valid. He got up from the bed, stretching out his limbs, looking at his slim hands. They looked real. He caught a glimpse of his own face in the mirror on the wall. He looked real. But did his appearance even mattered? Patton stroked his curly locks. Roman once told him that it’s what's on the inside that matters the most. And inside Patton was… empty. And cold. And he was nothing like human inside. He opened first drawer. What he felt didn’t matter. As long as Logan would be happy, Patton would be fine too.

~~~ 

Something was wrong and Logan subconsciously felt it. The problem was that he didn’t want his hunch to come on the surface. He chose to ignore it instead, but the feeling in his guts was constantly nagging him.

“Oh, Logan.” he sighed to himself, sitting in the empty, for the first time in many months, workshop. “Everything is starting to run the way you wanted so what else do you want?”

The notebooks which he used to record the development of Patton were standing neatly on the desk in front of him. Their brown ridges reminded Logan of the colour of Patton’s hazelnut locks. He growed with annoyance. His mind was running circles. He wanted to accept things as the were now but they facts… seemed illogical to him. He opened the newest notebook, briefly looking through his notes. Something changed in Patton during last few hours and he didn’t know what that was. In fact, he didn’t even know if he liked the change. 

Frowning, Logan with one firm gesture closed the notebook. Where was Patton’s cheerfulness? Why wasn’t he sad after he heard what he heard? Just mere few hours ago, he literally passed out from the amount of emotions trembling him. 

The workshop was too quiet for Logan. He got up from his chair and started turning on random machines standing on his way. Half of them were completely useless, some even broken. He left all of them untouched ever since Patton appeared in his life. It seemed like only appropriate thing to do. And he would do that again.

“Patton.” Logan whispered quietly to himself, knowing that he was alone and the noise was so loud that there was no chance someone would hear him. “Patton. Patton. Patton.” 

He knew this name, he even came to like it. But in Patton’s presence… Logan couldn’t bring himself to say it. It would be like breaking the last wall between them and Logan was scared what was behind it. 

“Patton. Patton. Patton.” he repeated.

Being so different from any of Logan’s other inventions, Patton was absolutely unique to him. Was it because of Patton’s unpredictable nature? Was it his nature? Or was it just Patton himself? Logan couldn’t understand that no matter how hard he tried. He didn’t know if it was the right thing to publicly acknowledge the connection he shared with Patton. Was it appropriate? If someone told him this story few years before, Logan knew that he would laugh that person right into face.

And yet, here he was. Logan Sanders. Great inventor with big dreams. Scholar who somewhere along the way, lost the track. Who forgot what he was doing. Who saw a person in his invention. Person with own complicated personality, who easily got hurt and was worth protecting. A person who seemed to be in great pain, and yet he couldn’t understand why. Logan was never good in contacts with other people. That’s why he wished to create Patton at the first place- to avoid his own embarrassment and problems that usually follow social relations.

Here he was in the middle of his own workshop. Logan Sanders. He was too afraid to say all his thoughts out loud and decided to pushed them away in the process hurting an innocent being. 

Patton’s strange behaviour was only making it harder. Logan ran a hand through his thick hair, soothing the tangled snarl and sat back at his hair. His head was pounding. Why all the problems appeared at once? 

As if his problems with work wasn’t enough, Logan was having an existential crisis. He had never felt like the labels society gave him very right. But usually he didn’t mind. Usually. Because Logan wasn’t deaf, he liked to let his work absorb him completely but even then he wasn’t deaf. He heard stories Roman shared with Remy. Stories of people who felt as if their gender was fluid.

Logan looked at the mirror, studying his own face, trying to imagine himself with more gentle features. Longer hair maybe. He shook his head. Ridiculous. Society knew best who he was, right? Just because it was wrong so many times didn’t mean that this time it was wrong again. Or was it?

“Oh, my god. I’m so done with this world.” huffed out Logan, covering his head with the notebook.

Suddenly the noise of machines around him was unbearable.

~~~ 

Remy came to Roman on the same evening, saying something about giving Logan some space until he would come back to his senses. He explained that Roman shouldn’t take it personally and that Logan sometimes suffered from issues like that and he simply needed to rethink some stuff. 

“Does he want to fire me?” asked Roman worryingly.

“Oh, nononono!” Remy shook his head “He just tends to get bitchy and it’s just healthier for you to stay away. Besides, if I’m not mistaken it’s Virgil who pays you for sticking around with that crazy man. I doubt he wants to fire you.” he said with a spark in his eyes. Spark that went unnoticed by Roman.

“Right…” agreed Roman, staring at his feet “He’s pretty awesome.” he mumbled quietly, the voice almost muffled by the noises coming from behind the wall. Because of the rental price, Roman lived in the room above the old tavern not so far from Remy’s barbershop. After his old butler, Arthur, passed away Roman had to find a new place to live and he knew that he wasn’t in the position to complain. So there he was- renting a room in the poorest district of the city. It was hard at first but he eventually got used to that.

“Oh, girl!” squealed Remy, hitting the bed with his right hand. “You’re blushing!”

Roman’s eyes opened in tremor. Only then he realized that indeed his face was burning. Because of Virgil. Again.

“I am not!” he tried to play it off, closing his eyes and making the most intimidating and proud pose, he could afford in the middle of the most shabby room in the world. Remy snickered.

“You’re sooo blushing!”

“I have no reason to blush!” cried Roman “Must be the weather. It’s really hot recently.”

Remy gave him the ‘don’t bullshit me, child’ look before throwing one last bomb at the poor man.

“Yeah, especially hot when Virgil enters the room, am I right?” 

“Remy!” screamed Roman with horror, putting his hand over his friend’s mouth. From the light brightening in Remy’s eyes from inside, he could already tell that he lost.

His face was burning and so was his heart. Was it possible that his grand, great love was supposed to never be returned? He knew that there was no way he could get himself into a relationship with Virgil. His hand slipped and he let Remy go as the realization hit him. Not only Patton but also Remy noticed that. At this rate he could start counting down days until Virgil would realize and kick him out. He was probably already engaged. Just because he never talked about that didn’t mean anything. Roman knew how it looked like in the higher social classes. It was a deal between families for most of the time. Parents picked the person the heir was supposed to fall in love with. Always. 

“I’m lucky enough that he calls me his friend… I don’t want anything more.” Roman muttered. He shifted on his place and the bed crackled under his weight. He knew that even if by any chance he still held his title, there was no chance for him to win Virgil’s heart. These kind of relationships were not accepted here. Roman shivered and his eyes filled with tears. “Please don’t tell anyone, okay?” he pleaded to Remy, too ashamed and afraid to look at his friend.

Protective arm wrapped around his shoulders bringing him closer.

“I won’t. Just… be careful. None of us know much about Virgil or his family. I doubt he would mean any harm to you but…” Remy leaned a little bit and partly covered his mouth with a hand “You know, he isn’t like us. I like him but you never know what a person with a social position like his may do. You can never get too careful.”

Roman swallowed the saliva gathering in his throat. Right, he wasn’t one of Them anymore. And though just like Remy, he doubted that Virgil would harm him, no one knew how he could  react if he found out about the feelings Roman had for him. He sighed.

“Don’t worry, Remy. I will stay safe and silent.” he said, with eyes fixed at the small drawing hanging on the wall. It was one of the last pieces of his art that was left unsold. Made with pastels, it showed a small cottage in the middle of the meadow. Roman had been there once. It was lovely place, far away from the civilization. Joan and him laughed that they would die of boredom if they were to sit there longer than for a few days but now… now Roman thought that he could get used to breathing with fresh air and freedom around him.

“Well, it’s time for me to go.” Remy said, getting up. He pulled his long, leather coat on himself, making sure that the glove didn’t slip off his hand.

“I could cover your hand with the same thing I used to help Patton…” offered Roman, shyly “It doesn’t have to be bare metal, you know?”

Smiling, Remy shook his head.

“I like it the way it is. It reminds me what really matters in life.” he rubbed his wrist before looking Roman straight into eyes “And how easy it is for everything to slip away from your hands. Bye, Roman. See you soon.” he winked in much more subtle manner than usual and left the room. Roman flopped back on the bed. 

“It’s easy to let the happiness slip out of your hands, huh?” he asked himself and opened the book Patton borrowed him to sink into the world of big dreams and hopes.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

 

“Do you want me to do anything else?” Patton asked, politely standing in the corner of the room.

Logan was leaning over the mechanism lying on the table, humming some random melody. He didn’t bother to respond, plainly ignoring the question. In many aspects this relation that they had now reminded Patton of the time when he was still little, round machine, resembling more of a fly than human. 

First day was hard. Pretending that he had no feelings, but today was better. Patton was glad that neither Roman nor Virgil were around. It would have been much harder if he was in their presence. He still didn’t know how they would react to the change he forcefully put himself through. He was mostly afraid that they would blame Logan for that, when they shouldn’t- it was Patton’s and Patton’s decision only. The heart was quietly beating in his chest. Every beat brought him pain but he was sure that he could get used to that. Sometimes compromises are tough, aren’t they?

“Could you hand me the liquid nitrogen?” said Logan suddenly, eyes never leaving the invention spread on the table. Patton knew exactly where to look for it. He didn’t say a word, while putting the liquid next to the table. Logan thanked absently with a short nod. Patton came back to the corner in which he stood before.

Only when he made sure that Logan was fully focused on the work, Patton allowed himself to smile. He didn’t know how to explain how he felt. Everything inside him was hurting him emotionally. The feelings were bulging under his skin to the point when it felt that there was no air inside. At the same time, his head and heart were light like a feather. At least partly. Logan was smiling and this style of life really seemed to be working for him. It’s been only 24 hours and he already found himself some new task. Until yesterday he had to devote most of his time to Patton, so now he had plenty of free time. It stung a little bit. Patton felt like nothing more than an object. But that what he was supposed to be right? 

Suddenly someone took his hand. He liked the warmth but the gesture itself seemed completely out of place. Shocked Patton raised his head and met Logan’s silver eyes.

“Are you alright?” asked the inventor.

“Yes.” nodded Patton. “Why are you asking?”

“You’re crying.” pointed Logan, bringing his other hand to touch Patton’s cheek. He could almost feel it, but the touch was too faint for his reactors to catch it.

Patton blinked his eyes rapidly, realizing that indeed his vision went dark, almost black. How could he not notice that. Blind horror floos his heart. It was wrong. Logan would be mad that he showed emotions again. He was doing so well for past day. So why now…?

“I don’t know why. Maybe tear duct broke?” implied Patton, as though he wasn’t being torn apart by his own emotions, “Do I even have tear ducts?”

“I…” Logan seemed to be surprised with the question “I don’t know actually.” he admitted finally, turning away his gaze. Logan sighed, before sitting back on his working table. The pieces of mechanisms were covering almost whole of its surface.

“What do you mean by you don’t know?” Patton tilted his head. “You don’t remember putting them in?” he asked moving closer to Logan. Something seemed to trouble him and Patton felt like he had to find out what was that.

“It’s not that.” said Logan shortly. He moved the chair closer and put his foot on it, resting the elbows on his knees. The thoughts were visibly piling up in his head.

“Then what’s that?” dwelled Patton, sitting on the corner of the table, in the distance of one meter from Logan. His toes were barely touching the ground.

“I didn’t install tear ducts for you but at this point you are not what I was creating back then.” explained Logan, avoiding Patton’s gaze.

Taking out a tissue Patton, hummed softly. The words hurt him again but there was no more tears for him to spill. The black stains were already covering his cheeks. Suddenly Patton was very angry at himself for letting the tears flow earlier. He didn’t agree on that, he didn’t want that. He started harshly rubbing his own cheeks. At least he could feel that. It wasn’t burning as it supposed to be the feeling was making him uncomfortable anyway.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Logan snapped, he kicked the chair away and jumped off the chair “Don’t try to wipe them in such a roughless manner! You’re gonna tear apart your skin. Here…” before Patton realized what was happening, Logan grabbed his hand, taking the tissue away and pulling out his own one “Let me do that.”

Not asking for permission, Logan started gently wiping the stains covering Patton’s face. Startled with the gesture the other man dried up completely, closing his eyes, focusing on his breath. Logan was almost caressing his skin with the cloth, it felt like as though it was the finest silk, not cotton handkerchief. Patton heard his little, mechanic heart, beating faster in his chest, he only hoped that Logan wouldn’t hear that. He was so close after all. It was much harder to keep up the emotionless mask when he was close. 

“You look terrible with your face dirty like that.” mumbled Logan after few minutes, filled with nothing but silence. Patton opened his eyes surprised with the confession. Logan’s face was almost covered with stains, similar to his own, but in color of red.

“I’m sorry for causing trouble.” apologized Patton, not sure what he was supposed to say.

“It’s nothing… Just… Try not to cry so much from now on…” he said but his voice was soft and quiet. Patton wasn’t used to hearing Logan speaking like that. He moved the cloth away, and examined Patton’s face before putting the handkerchief away. He, himself didn’t move from his spot even by an inch.

“I will.” Patton nodded, biting his lips. He knew that Logan didn’t want him to cry. Of course, Patton wasn’t supposed to feel emotions after all.

“That’s all you have to say?” asked Logan “No reproaches? No frowny faces? No sad smiles?” he counted on his fingers, never breaking the eye-contact with Patton.

“Excuse me?” Patton dumbfounded. They were staring at each other for a while before Logan closed his eyes, rubbing his temples.

“Nevermind.” groaned finally, turning away.

“No.” Patton stopped him “Explain.”

He was confused to say at least. Logan dreamt of Patton being perfectly emotionless helper and now that he had him, he asked all these strange questions, instead of accepting the truth. Was he being suspicious if Patton didn’t fake that? Well, even if he did, could Logan just live his dream. The way the man acted was frustrating for Patton. He needed answers.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.” cut Logan, avoiding his gaze.

Patton jumped off the table and put his hands on his waist. The determination was lightening his eyes from inside. This man dared to refuse answering his question? That was the only thing Patton was always allowed to do- ask questions. Even if they were silly, even if they annoyed Logan… Patton had full right to get the answer he wanted. That’s one thing that Logan had actually promised him.

“You own me some explanation. At least this one!” Patton didn’t bother to hide his anger. “How am I supposed to understand humans when you don’t give me answers?” his heart was hammering in his chest.

Logan bit his lips. The waves were burbling behind the window. The storm was coming. The wind shut the window with lou crack but neither Logan nor Patton moved.

“You can’t just learn how to understand humans.” said Logan finally, sighing “You have to become one to fully understand them.” he spoke slowly, distancing himself from his own kind.

“But you told me-” Patton choked on his own words. The lump in his throat was growing bigger with every minute.

“I made a mistake.” Logan fixed his gaze at the ground, refusing to look at Patton’s face. He wasn’t deaf, he heard the pain in his voice. For the first time in 24 hours since he began acting so strangely. “I made more than one mistake.” he added after a while.

Patton let out a noise akin of a whine, unable to form a proper answer. Alarmed, Logan looked at him. His silver, ashamed eyes, met Patton’s blue ones. Blue like an ocean.

“I put pressure on you. And hurt you. More than once.” Logan declared finally, walking over Patton. “But my biggest sin was not apologizing even once, not feeling shame or guilt. I was wrong.” for the first time in years Logan could feel the tears as they began to fill his eyes. “I wanted you to understand humans, when I at some point stopped being one myself. You-” he put his finger at Patton’s chest, on the level where his heart was “You are so much better at being human than I am. So please forgive me. Forgive me for that and… come back to being yourself.” 

Hesitantly Logan pressed his whole palm against Patton’s chest and dropped his head down. His ears and hand was burning red but it was nothing compared to the heat that was filling his eyes, running down his face. The tears were dripping on the ground, between them too. At first he didn’t realize when his hand suddenly felt so cold. It was pleasant feeling, soothing and cozy. Logan raised up his head. His own hand was covered with Patton’s one. The chest under his touch rumbled, as though Patton wanted to say something. Afraid of destroying the fragile peace they had, Logan moved his gaze at Patton’s face. 

Ocean blue eyes were surrounded with tiny drops of tears, but his lips were spread in the brightest, most honest smile.

“I said I wouldn’t cry…” said Patton weakly “But I didn’t expect you to say something like that. I wouldn’t promise if I knew.”

Logan laughed, causing more tears flow out of his eyes. He didn’t trust his voice enough to let any other noise out. Patton’s fingers moved from his hand to his face, gently caressing Logan’s cheeks. 

“May I hug you?” whispered Patton. 

Maybe before Logan would ponder on the answer but today, after such a confession, it didn’t even cross his mind. Instead he pulled Patton into a strong hug, to which he poured all his sorrow and guilt that was left. Logan didn’t remember when was the last time he held someone so closely. His hand was still trapped between Patton and him and for the first time in his life he actually felt Patton’s heartbeat.

“I’m so sorry, Patton.” he said quietly, right into Patton’s ear.

The man stiffened and for a split of a moment Logan was terrified that he managed to mess up again. But Patton only rested his chin in the crook of Logan’s neck whispering:

“This is the first time you said my name.”

“Patton.” repeated Logan again.

“Yep. This one.” giggled Patton.

He must have started crying again as Logan felt his shirt getting wet in the place where Patton rested his face but he didn’t mind. They let the feeling embrace them for few more minutes before suddenly Patton moved his lips to Logan’s cheek. For a beat of a second, his lips brushed against Logan’s skin. Almost immediately Patton moved away, realizing what he just did. Logan may had apologized and even hugged him but it didn’t mean that he wanted more physical attention. It didn’t mean that he felt similar about Patton. Red stains tinted Logan’s cheeks again.

“I’m so-sorry.” stuttered Patton, cautiously taking a step back “I read in a book that kiss may be a reward.” 

If possible Logan’s blush deepened as soon as Patton said ‘kiss’.

“Oh…” he uttered finally, rubbing his cheek a little bit “I don’t mind.” he smiled slightly.

Patton felt like exploding. It was too good to be real! His heart was pounding and he really wanted to wrap his arms around Logan’s neck again, until suddenly his vision went blank.

Logan barely managed to catch falling Patton. He held him in his arms carefully, like a fragile doll. He took first step in the direction of the couch on which Patton used to rest, but he stopped half of the way there and shook his head. Logan, still carrying Patton in his arms, almost cuddling him to his chest, opened the door to the corridor, leading to the rest of the house. With one firm kick he made his way into his bedroom. He frowned at the neatness of the room. He made Patton work so hard, to distract himself from his unusual behaviour. To think that remedy to that issue was so easy. 

Delicately, Logan lied Patton down on his bed. He looked to defenceless and pure. 

A sudden realization hit Logan. The thought was so shocking that he had to move closer to Patton, to confirm his observation. Gently, Logan cupped his face, touching the area around Patton’s closed eyes. It was wet from tears but they weren’t black anymore. They were clear in a faint shade of blue.

~~~ 

 

Patton slowly fluttered his eyes open. All of his limbs were in pain for some reason. Once again Patton closed his eyes and stretched his body, sighing heavily. Only then he allowed himself to, once again, open his eyes. He looked around himself. Logan’s room. He hardly remembered getting there though. The bed was dipped under him, in a way that made him wanna sink into the softness and forever. The blanket was draped around his lean shoulders. 

“Well, that is unexpected…” Patton mumbled to himself quietly, trying to catch any sound coming from behind the door.

The workshop seemed too silent for his liking. All of the machines were turned off, almost dead. The workshop seemed too silent for his liking. Not even the slightest rumble was coming from the room. It couldn’t mean anything good. Patton once heard Logan saying that sitting in a quiet workshop was driving him crazy. It made him recall all these moments of painful silences he shared with Logan.

“But no more…” he whispered to himself, smiling as he remembered what happened shortly before he blacked out. Lo  _ accepted _ him. Lo  _ said _ his name. Lo  _ acknowledged _ him as a person. Could life get any more beautiful?

He suddenly heard a noise. Quiet, almost shy cry. The heart stopped in Patton’s chest. He would recognize Lo’s voice everywhere. No matter the distance or his emotions. Patton mousily sliped of the bed  and walked to the doors, his hearing sharp and alert of every noise. Another cry. His hand lingered on the doorknob. Did Lo want his company? Or would it be better to pretend that he’s still in a slumber? Just because he was accepted, didn’t mean that suddenly they were super-close, right? Upon hearing the sniff, Patton lost it. He wouldn’t just sit around when Lo,  _ his _ Lo, was seemingly in pain.

Thankfully, the door opened without a creak and Patton made a mental note to thank Roman for fixing that problem a few days earlier. Slowly moving along the walls, Patton made sure to make no noise, ready to turn back and tug himself into the bed if the situation required.

Air smelt like a dust and salt but Patton wasn’t sure if it’s saltiness of the sea or the scent of Lo’s tears. His nose was incredibly good. He suspected that Lo didn’t even realize what a marvelous job was done with this part of Patton’s body.

_ “Wait... Lo?” _ Patton stopped in the middle of the corridor, caught with his own thoughts. He was sensitive man, always had ability to read even the slightest changes of mood or atmosphere. So he pondered but a minute was enough to confirm the feeling in his guts. Behind the wall was definitely Lo, not Logan. Hurt Lo. He wouldn’t stand it any second longer.

Patton opened the door widely, not bothering to hide his presence anymore. What he saw in the workshop broke his heart instantly. Lo was sitting next to the desk, the glasses tossed away, face covered with hot, angry tears. Lips folded into a thin line, holding both bitterness and rage. Eyes twisted in the spiral of doom, opened widely at the sight of Patton standing in the doors.

“I thought that you were asleep…” mumbled Lo, red stains starting to colour slim face.

“Shush.” said Patton shortly, the determination in his voice surprising even him. In a matter of second he was kneeling next to the sobbing Lo who tried to hide face in his hands. “Tears are okay. We’ve already been through that.” added Patton firmly before pulling Lo into a hug. 

There was no fighting, no denial, as Patton swung his arms around Lo’s shoulders. He felt proud, oh so proud, of the inventor. For not fighting the painful feelings, for allowing another person to come into the circle. He knew that for now he shouldn’t ask any questions, just allowing the latter to cry on his shoulder. Stroking the trembling back on the person in his arms, Patton looked out of the window. He must had been sleeping for more than 12 hours, as it was morning already. The horizon was almost invisible behind grey clouds, blocking the perspectives out of the range of sight. The sun barely managed to fight its way through the thick veil of fluffiness, covering the sky. At this moment it felt to Patton that he had all the time in the world, that he could stop everything for a while, until Lo felt better. He had this power in himself. But doing that would require letting go of the sobbing mess curling to his chest and that he couldn’t do that.

A minute passed, and then another flew and they didn’t even realize that they were sitting like that for almost an hour. Finally Lo muttered something into Patton’s chest and moved away.

“I apologize for this incident.” declared Lo seriously. Not even the dry tears on the face made the words lost its power.

“I’m happy to help.” smiled Patton, reassuringly. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, half expecting that Lo would deny instantly. So how big was his surprised when he heard:

“Actually… It would be very much appreciated.” Lo’s voice was quiet and coy in a way Patton had never heard.

“Really?!” 

“If you don’t wanna listen, then don’t ask.” huffed Lo, crossing arms on the chest, as if they were able to protect the fragile heart inside.

“No, no. I would love to listen!” Patton shook his head, feeling like he missed a step. “I was just surprised.”

Lo smiled. It was sad smile, as though he heard something that he expected to hear.

“Yes, I suspect that I didn’t put enough faith into your ability of keeping a secret.” 

“It’s alright.” Patton rubbed Lo’s arm “It’s something you have to grow up to do.”

They looked at each other and broke into a laugh. From the two of them, Lo was older after all and yet still, sometimes it felt like Patton was the more experienced one. As their laughters slowly faded into the grey zone of the room, Lo furrowed. Was it truly a good decision to share the confusion? Was it safe to discuss this with Patton if even the core of the problem wasn’t clear? Lo sighed.

“Okay so here’s the thing-”

“Wait.” Patton stopped Lo in the middle of the sentence “We’re not doing this here. Let’s go to the kitchen and I will make you some tea! Tea always works good for you.” He smiled pulling the other up. Their fingers tangled as Patton was leading the way out of the workshop. 

He felt useful. Truly useful. Sure, he helped around the house, not to mention his impact in Lo’s research, but this is the first time Patton felt really useful. He could feel Lo’s uncertainty, crawling under the skin. Maybe he could hardly feel warmth with his body but reading the feelings was something Patton was really good at. And it was a moment to make use out of that. He sat Lo at the chair in the kitchen, giving some space, and started making tea. 

There was something relaxing in the way the small leafs were floating on the surface of water. Patton watched them slowly sink into the water, just as the restings of Lo’s anger were sinking out of the atmosphere around them. Finally, he placed the cup on the table and slipped at the chair. 

“Now, you can tell me.” nodded Patton, watching Lo take a sip of the warm liquid. They had time. No need to be in rush.

“I’m just… So confused and angry because of this confusion.” the words came out quiet but maybe because of that much more powerful than intended.

“And sad.” Patton pointed, his blue eyes, staring into the silver ones.

“And sad.” agreed Lo after a moment of hesitation.

“Why?” Patton knew that the person in front of him needed encouragement to admit anything, supportive questions were much appreciated.

“Because…” another sip “I don’t like the way society labels me. I know that it’s biologically correct and for the most of the time it is correct also mentally but sometimes… It’s just isn’t right.”

“Mhm…” hummed Patton, hearing the words spil. Words that not so long ago were hidden deep in the dark corners of Lo’s soul.

“Today, I went into the market. You know, usual stuff. I didn’t want to wake you and Roman won’t come until tomorrow.” explained Lo messily, rare occurrence considering the logical personality. “And people addressed me as…” deep breath in, long breath out, “They called me ’mister’.”

“And you didn’t like it?”

“It’s been a long time since I was so angry and confused. I rarely interact with society, you know that, Pat.” Lo kept talking, not noticing how the nickname slipped out, causing Patton to smile “I know that they couldn’t know, there is no one to blame, logically speaking. But nevertheless, I lashed out. If you saw the way they looked at me… Awful experience. It never hit me that hard. I thought I could fight it. Or just… accept it. Or at the very least ignore this!”

“But why would you ignore your own feelings, Lo?” asked Patton tilting his head. He sensed, he knew, he could feel that physical comfort is not needed at this exact moment. Lo needed more questions, that would help confirm the truth. 

“Very true, Patton!” Lo pointed at Patton, shaking the finger “Exactly! My feelings are valid! Just because I don’t like that I  _ feel _ , doesn’t mean that it’s wrong!”

Nodding, Patton smiled softly. “So tell me how do you feel. How do you feel right now? How do you feel today?”

“For sure not like a ‘mister’.” Lo snorted with annoyance, folding arms on the chest. Mocking words escaped before a reasoning managed to capture them. 

Patton grinned, smile reaching not only his eyes but also heart hammering in his chest.

“Bravo.” he whispered, with awe in his eyes.

“Umm…” Lo’s eyes opened widely “I mean… I don’t… not exactly… I don’t exactly know if it’s… correct to feel this way? It feels almost like a lottery? Am I sane? One day I feel like… a male and on the other, I don’t. It’s… confusing.”

“Of course, it’s correct!” exclaimed Patton “If you doubt it ask Roman! He knows a lot about different genders! Or so I’ve heard! And you…” Patton got up from his seat, resting his palms on the table and hovering above Lo “You don’t let people tell you what is correct for you to feel and what is not.” he took a small break, asking himself how to form next question, “Alright m’lady?”

Lo snorted again, sinking deeper into her seat, glasses slipping of her nose. “No need for you to call me that.” she pointed blushing slightly.

Patton giggled with ecstasy. 

“Well you liked it, so I think I will stick with that, Lo.”

“For now, I guess it fits…” Lo whispered, soft smile tugged in the corners of her lips. She shook her head getting up “Umm, I mean… Whatever.” She snapped walking out of the room quickly. But there was no use Patton had already noticed the light in her eyes. His guts had been right yet again.

The machines in the workshop started working again.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Life had been better for Patton now. Everything was easier. Waking up in the morning, falling asleep, breathing. Everything. 

Currently, he was sitting in the kitchen studying the cooking book, he asked Lo to get him the day before. He carefully read the recipe and then looked at the drawing under it. It seemed almost impossible to make something so beautiful out of these random products. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to taste it anyway but it made cooking even more of a challenge for him. 

He opened the storage. Thanks to the attention Roman paid in keeping the kitchen clean, they almost completely got rid of the mice and other pests. Apparently, certain herbs kept them away and they smelled amazing too! Patton, with satisfaction, calculated that he had almost all ingredients to prepare a cake. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful gift for Lo? Carefully he put everything on the table and with a little bit of hesitation looked at the stove. It was clear that lo had made some improvement in the original design so probably the whole baking process would run a little bit differently but Patton was determined to figure it out.

Someone quietly walked into the house, closing the door behind and Patton smiled. Just in time when he might need a helper. Soon after that Roman’s head peaked behind the door frame. His hair was completely wet, making the curls even bigger.

“Hello, Patton! Logan is gone?” he asked almost immediately, still unaware of the talk Patton and Lo had the other day. And honestly, before making sure their relation was solid, Patton didn’t want to spoil the information yet. He decided that for now, he was going to keep it in secret. It had only been one day after all.

“Yes, Lo is out. Will be out till the late afternoon. Something to do with Remy and some materials.” replied Patton, eyes glued to the recipe in the book.

Roman shook his head, trying to get rid of the water on his hair.

“Do you have any towels, friend?” asked Roman, “I will gladly help with whatever you’re doing in here, but I would really love to dry my hair first.”

“Ah, yes of course! Silly of me. Follow me.” laughed Patton, gracefully passing Roman by and leading him to the bedroom. 

A pile of freshly washed clothes and towels were lying on the bed. Patton passed one of the towels to Roman and rubbed his chin, looking at his friend. Not only was Roman’s hair wet, so was the coat and a big part of his shirt.

“Give me your clothes, we will hang them to dry. Take one of Lo’s shirts instead.” suggested Patton finally. “You getting cold is the last thing I want.”

Roman’s eyes widened in surprise.

“But wouldn’t Logan be mad?” he asked when the first shock passed.

“Pfff, please. If I wouldn’t remind this human to wear some pants, Lo would go out pantless.” giggled Patton at the memory of very frustrated Lo and her speech about how clothes limit people. He tossed one of the shirt to Roman. “Get changed and go back to me to the kitchen. We’re gonna do some baking!” Patton added and walked out of the room to give Roman some privacy. 

Lo’s shirt was a little bit weirdly sewed (probably to make it more comfortable) but Roman didn’t mind, everything was better than the wet, heavy rags he was wearing. He quickly got changed and rolled the sleeves up above his elbows. 

When Roman walked to the kitchen, Patton, with his tongue stuck out, was carefully pouring milk into the bowl. It was taking forever, since he seemed to take a break after each drop of the liquid, just to put the bowl on the kitchen scales. Roman laughed.

“Let me help you, Patton.” he said, his hipbone bumping into Patton’s. Roman skillfully grabbed the eggs and added them into the mixture.

“Wooo…” Patton’s eyes watched Roman’s movements in awe. “Have you ever done this before?”

“You could say so…” hummed Roman. “When I was a kid I used to sneak into the kitchen and watch my ma-, ugh my mother bake quite often.” he bit his tongue as the word ‘maid’ almost slipped out of his mouth. He had to keep his secret hidden no matter what. “I loved watching her. No matter what she cooked, it looked like she had everything under control.”

“That’s so cute!” squealed Patton. “And now you’re the one who does it like a pro! And I’m just like small Roman!” he said, passing Roman the sugar.

“You could say so, yes.” Roman smiled. He came back to the moments when he was sitting in the grand kitchen watching one of his nannies, prepare pudding for him. Back then, all he wanted was to be allowed to help them. But he couldn’t. He was too “noble” to do that. Jokes on them now. Roman handed the spatula to Patton. “Here, now it’s your turn.”

Patton grinned. And suddenly Roman saw the resemblance between Patton and little Roman. Their happiness was equally pure.

Virgil arrived while they were putting the finished cake into the stove. The whole house smelled like cinnamon and sugar, creating their own colorful island in the middle of the grayest part of the world.

“Woah, what smells so nice?” asked Virgil walking into the kitchn. He put his umbrella on the side. Despite the awful weather, his hair and outfit remained flawless.

“I baked a cake with Roman!” cheered Patton, patting Roman in the back. 

“I can’t wait to try it.” grinned Virgil, sitting on the chair, which happened to stand right in front of Roman. “I didn’t know you can cook. Admirable.” he added. The question, in theory, could have been directed to anyone in the room, but Patton was well aware that it was meant for Roman.

“Just a little bit. As long as I have a recipe and it isn’t too complicated…” Roman shrugged, a faint blush tinting his cheeks. “I can teach you one day if you want.” he said quickly before realizing that it could have been read as something offensive to someone like Virgil.

“Honestly, I’d love that.” replied Virgil, smiling softly. He leaned a little bit forward. Roman felt as though his dark, round eyes were piercing through his soul but he didn’t really mind that.

Patton smiled knowingly between them but they were too busy staring at each other to notice. He mumbled something about having to do something in the workshop and in a glimpse of a second they were left alone with themselves and the growing cake.

Thunder rumbled somewhere above them but the sound appeared to be so distant that almost unrealistic.

“Sometimes, it feels like it’s always raining here.” said Virgil finally, breaking the eye-contact and resting his back on the backrest.

“You know what they say- the only thing that rains for the rich is money.” snorted Roman sarcastically.

Virgil laughed uncontrollably. 

“Well, then I suppose that I’m not as rich as I thought I was.” he added when he calmed down a little bit. Even though his tone was still cheerful, the concern could still be heard in his voice.

“What do you mean?” frowned Roman. It didn’t sound good. Everyone had financial problems but what Virgil said sounded awfully serious. 

“Ah, don’t worry.” Virgil waved his hand as if he was brushing the wrinkle on his shirt. “You shouldn’t be concerned with that. Some temporary problems. They will pass eventually.”

Roman wanted to say more but at the same moment something sizzled loudly in the stove and both of them turned around.

“Holy shit, what is this thing?” asked Virgil, he jogged to the device. “I’ve never seen a stove like that? Is that sound normal? Should I go for Patton?”

Indeed the stove started turning its colour to weird shade of turquoise and the flames burning beneath it were growing bigger and bigger.

“I think that Logan… improved it... a little bit.” Stuttered Roman shocked.

Virgil cursed again and rolled up the sleeves. 

“There’s a crank behind it. If you move the stove away, i may be able to turn it down a little bit.”  he said rapidly. The temperature of the air was getting higher and higher. “I doubt Patton knows anything about it. You know that Logan rarely shares information like that with him. Or information in general.”

“You’re right.” agreed Roman. “Move away. I got this.”

“Are you sure, you can handle- Oh, shit. Yes you can.” uttered Virgil watching Roman almost effortlessly moving one side of the stove up. 

“Quickly, it’s heavy as hell.” breathed out Roman, first drops of sweat appearing on his forehead. 

Virgil fell on his knees and put the hand under the stove, trying to find the crank he saw earlier. Even more curses fell from his lips. Roman laughed.

“Swearing like that, you remind me of my old friend.” he said, struggling to keep the stove in one position. One wrong move, or a moment of distraction, and he could crash the stove onto Virgil’s arm. And that would be a pity. He had amazing arms.

“Excuse me if I don’t seem to appreciate the compliment enough.” replied Virgil, still trying to reach for the right crank. “It’s not easy when you’re on your knees.”

Roman blushed fiercelly hearing the last sentence but blames it on the temperature. 

“Ha! Got it!” cried Virgil. Something clicked loudly and he pulled his arm out. The fire almost immediately stopped growing. Virgil sighed and rested his back against the wall, still sitting on the ground. His styled hair was sweaty and now ewas sticking to his forehead. His eyes were closed and he was trying to calm his breath. “That was a ride, oh goodness.” he added after a moment, letting his eyes close.

Roman hesitantly sat down next to him. Their arms brushed but Virgil didn’t move away. Roman relaxed a little bit.

“Good job, Virgil.” he said finally. The warmth was radiating from their bodies as they were resting in the small grey kitchen, after saving Patton’s first cake.

“Thank you. Same goes to you by the way.” Virgil opened his eyes and looked at Roman. “Also, sorry to point this out, but you also have beautifully muscled arms.” the heat was licking his cheek from inside and Virgil thanked the heavens that his face was already red from the temperature and work.

“Oh…” escaped Roman’s parted lips. He didn’t expect to hear that. “Thank you, but I’m considered rather skinny among the labourers, actually.” he laughed, trying to hide his embarrassment.

“No! You’re perfect!” slipped Virgil but he didn’t even notice that. “Everyone is just like ‘ho ho, so beefy and tough’” Virgil modulated his voice to sound a little bit lower making Roman chuckle. “And you’re just… Your body build is just so graceful! Everything you do looks so elegant really! As though you were taught that since you were a kid!” he kept rambling, the tiredness, making words easier for him to say. “Amazing! You’re like a prince!” laughed Virgil lightly, looking at the ceiling.

Meanwhile, every cell in Roman’s body was burning with pure fire, much bigger than the one they had just put down few minutes ago. 

“Thank you.” he mumbled finally, choosing not to say anything more. Instead he got up and carefully opened the door of the stove. “The cake looks nice, I will go tell Patton.” he said, disappearing from the kitchen. In the corridor, he put his hand over his mouth and quietly squealed, trying to get rid of the emotions. If he wasn’t head over heels for Virgil before, he was now.

~~~

The cake turned out to be delicious and soon, in the cheerful atmosphere, the night fell upon the three friends and so Virgil and Roman had to go back to their own households. Humming to himself, Patton started cleaning up the mess. He stopped for a moment to open the window in the kitchen. The air was fresh after the rain and the sky was clear and starry after the storm. Patton rested his arms on the balustrade, watching the quiet street. A stray dog crossed it quickly, not sparing a glance at him.

Patton wondered how it was actually going outside and experiencing what the world had to offer if he was out on his own. But he was scared. He was scared that everyone would know how imperfect he was. He was scared that, despite everything, Lo would be ashamed of him. He was scared that once again something would go wrong and he would lose everything. He didn’t want to be a small ball anymore. It was only his heart but he needed a body, he wanted to remain in the human form. Patton sighed and closed the window. Maybe some things were still out of his range. Maybe the would stay like that forever. He didn’t know. He could dream but were his dreams really about that? He couldn’t be sure even of that. 

Directing his footsteps to the workshop, Patton grabbed some random book lying on the table. Lo always reminded him that if one doesn’t know what to do, they should read. Patton lied down on his couch in the corner of the room and pulled the blanket over his legs, opening the book. It was about music- subject Patton had very poor knowledge about. He quickly went through few pages until stumbling at a passage about a very interesting instrument called a piano. He was sure that he had heard that name from Roman. He bit his lips in excitement.

If he couldn’t go out to the world yet, maybe a part of the world could come to him? 

Like music, for example. 

He was more than aware of the fact that Lo had a lot of unnecessary materials, could he possibly use them to build his own piano?

Just as the thought crossed his mind, the main door opened, the echo of that sound crossing the hall and flowing into the workshop. Patton quaked at first. He let his senses search for the visitor and only when he was sure that it was Lo, he relaxed.

“Hello m’lady!” he greeted cheerfully as Lo came into the room. Lo blushed slightly. “How was the day out?” he continued.

“Not bad but I prefer staying indoors after all…” sighed Lo, taking off her jacket. She looked tired but surprisingly happy. 

They stayed quiet for few minutes, Patton reading his book and Lo with her eyes closed just enjoying the peace and quiet.

“You know, Patton…” she started, causing Patton to put his book down. “I’m glad that you’re here. I used to come back to an empty shell and now I feel like I can finally say that I’m back home.” 

Patton felt the fizzy feeling take over every piece of his body. He smiled.

“You sound incredibly poetic.” he pointed.

Lo laughed. “That’s what you get from being around Roman, I suppose.”

“He is kind of poetic, isn’t he? If I didn’t know him, I would say that he is some kind of a prince…” said Patton, eyes a little bit hazy. “Princely attire would fit him perfectly.”

He missed the very confused look that Lo gave him. He also didn’t focus on the energy. Maybe if he did he would sense a hint of jealousy.

“Oh! That reminds me, Lo!” Patton reach for his book. “I want to do this. Could you help me? You’re so smart after all!” he waved the opened book in front of Lo’s eyes.

“Wait, Pa-Patton. I can’t see anything when you keep moving your hands like that.” groaned Lo and gently grabbed Patton’s wrists. For a beat of second they looked at each other over the book. Finally Lo carefully took it out of Patton’s hands. Her eyes wandered on the opened page. “A piano?” she arched her eyebrow.

“Yes!” nodded Patton with excitement. “I want to learn more about music and you have so many stuff you don’t use here.” he made a circle around the workshop with his hand. “I’m sure we could find something to build a piano among the garbage!”

“Excuse me, but these are highly selected but sadly… Agreed half of this is garbage.” sighed Lo, crossing her legs. “But Pat, I have remotely no idea how to build an instrument. In my past, I was also quite well known for being really poorly gifted in the field of music.”

“Oh… I see…” the corners of Patton’s lips curled down. He looked heart-broken. And that would not stand for Lo.

“You could, however, make it your first self-project.” suggested Lo rubbing her chin. “You could use any materials you need and find in the workshop and just try doing this all by your own. If I’m not mistaken, Roman used to play a piano. At the end, he could help you with the tones and actually show you how to play.”

Patton’s face brightened up almost instantly. His eyes started shining in a way that made the moon outside shy to the point that it hit behind the small cloud, making Patton its proud replacement. 

“This is a wonderful idea! Oh, just thinking about it makes me all excited! A little bit nervous… but excited! Lo you are a genius!” Patton leaned forward and quickly kissed Lo’s cheek. “Thank you so much! I will start looking right away!” he said and without a further explanation turned around, disappearing between the rows of mechanical garbage.

If Patton had looked behind him, he would’ve seen Lo raise her hand to her cheek, touching where Patton had kissed with a red blush coming below it. He would have seen the lovestruck look in her eyes. 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

 

Roman was crossing the streets, head ducked down, gaze fixed at the ground. He didn’t want to look into faces of people that despised his person now but wanted to be like him a few years ago. 

Cards had turned for him and he accepted that but he would never accept the eyes filled with disrespect and mockery that followed him sometimes on the street.

He knew that according to the general etiquette, there was no reason for him to be in this part of the city alone but he was determined to find out about the prices of paints and canvas. He spent two whole weeks re-reading the old fairy tales and he really wanted to paint an illustration for at least one of them. Or two paintings! One for Patton, to remind him of the importance of art and dreams and one maybe for Virgil… As a thankful gift for letting him read the book, of course! Technically it was his volume after all. Though Roman still wasn’t sure if Virgil knew that Patton lent it to him.

Afraid of getting robbed he kept his hands in the pockets of his light coat, clenching the coins, so that they wouldn’t make a sound. He knew that the higher class would never touch him or even willingly come close to him but deeper into the dark alleys… who knew who he might meet there. 

The street wasn’t very busy but Roman still congratulated himself a great orientation in the field. He easily recreated the path Virgil and him took few weeks earlier to the stationer’s. He hoped that the shop assistant would recognize the unusual customer and wouldn’t kick him out of the store the minute he crosses the entrance.

Joan was right when they told Roman that he’s an artist by heart and soul. Once he gave himself to the beauty of art it grew in him, never leaving his heart alone. Even after Roman’s plans for the future crumbled almost two years ago, he still remained an artist deep inside. He learnt how to see subtle beauty in the smallest things, like rays of sun on the floor of his room or a little grey bird singing on the branch of a tree. These things brought joy and colour into Roman’s world. He wanted nothing more than to allow his fingers create again. 

Until he was kicked out of the pub where he used to play on the piano, he managed to pour his artistic soul into music. He missed this time. It was like a tiny surrogate of the dreams he once had. Sometimes Roman looked at his hands, imagining that he had the piano under his fingers. He pretended to gently stroke its imaginative keys. He could almost hear the melody he was playing in his heart.

Flowing on the edge between daydream and reality, Roman walked around the corner not expecting someone to walk from the other side. They bumped into each other and Roman felt as if cold blood filled his veins. He didn’t want to open his eyes, struggling not to fall on the ground. Roman could already hear the loud, offended gasps coming from the person he ran at. He opened his eyes, his head filled with worst possible scenarios. 

The face of the woman in front of his was beat red which didn’t look good considering the fact that she was wearing a dress in the colour of kissed by sun peach. Her arm was being held by another woman, a little bit older with beautiful heban complexion and eyes big like almonds. They both looked as if they saw a ghost. Very rude ghost. But what scared Roman the most was the fact that these elegant women looked strangely familiar.

_ “I’m going to die.”  _ flew through Roman’s head as he looked around himself. He knew that he had no chance to escape. Though the street wasn’t very crowded, a few people had already gathered around them whispering among themselves. He had no chance to run away. They would capture him immediately.

“Boy!” squeaked Peach-Lady, making Roman look back at her with fear “Oi! Listen to me” she yelled and before Roman noticed what was going on he received a hard slap right in face. The hit was so sharp that if felt as though his skin was ripped open. It burnt as hell but he didn’t know if it wasn’t the embarrassment running through his body. He grabbed his cheek, caressing it gently. His mouth filled with blood. The humiliation was eating him alive.

“I’m sorry.” he mumbled, trying his best to hide the shakiness of his voice. Green eyes of the stranger were shining with anger, while his own tried to blink away the tears.

The apology seemed only to fire up the Peach and her companion. As the both started laughing with the coldest laugh, Roman had ever heard.

“He’s sorry!” cheered the Peach and the people that gathered around them started clapping as though it was some kind of a joke. Roman’s face was beet red and he had no idea what to do. He was suffocating.

“How dare you look Elleanor right into her eyes? Don’t you know your place?” squealed the companion of Peach, whose real name was apparently Elleanor. The moment Roman heard the name, he understood why these ladies seemed so familiar. He met them before. On one of his father’s domestic banquets. 

Terror that came with that realization made him open his eyes even wider. He was screwed. If they recognized him…. He could as well start digging his own grave. Or just throw himself right into the ocean.The fear in his eyes was however read in a completely different way and few seconds after Roman received another slap into his other cheek. He stumbled. Someone grabbed his arms from behind. The grip was strong and there was no way to wiggle out of it. 

“Are you alone, boy?” asked a deep, masculine voice from behind. The breath of the man smelt like awfully sweet milk and Roman resisted the urge to vomit. His stomach was all knotted. He wanted to say something, anything but the words couldn’t come through his throat. Roman tried to imagine that he was still one of them, that they look at him like at their own man but the strong grip from behind and scratching his chest shirt, flushed away this vision.

“So arrogant he was crossing the street and now he can’t utter a word! Ha!” laughed Eleanor. Apparently the first anger passed and now her thin lips were spread in a smile. Roman didn’t like this smile, at all.

“Now that I look at him…” hummed Elleanor’s friend “he reminds me of someone… Don’t you think, Elle?”

Roman hopelessly wiggled, trying to set himself free. His breath was shallow as he was trying to draw as much air as he could. They couldn’t recognize him. He still didn’t know who to trust. He didn’t know who did this thing to his parents. He didn’t know if that person was still trying to find him- the heir of del Ray roughless trading machine. At this moment, for the first time in his life, Roman wished he was dead.

“He does indeed!” agreed Elleanor, moving her face a little bit closer. Roman could smell the scent of rosy perfumes. The woman was about to grab his chin, to examine him better, when someone repeated her name from the distance few time. Low, masculine, calm voice. Roman closed his eyes, his cheeks started burning even more.

“Elleanor, why-” Virgil stopped in the middle of the sentence, as he entered the circle “Roman?!”

It took a lot of strength for Roman to open his eyes again. Virgil was standing right between Elleanor and her companion. Shameful tears filled Roman’s eyes. How could he stand this amount of humiliation, he didn’t know.

“You know this man, Virge?” asked Elleanor, pointing at Roman with reproach.

Beautiful, dark eyes were wide opened, tracing between Roman and Elleanor. The man who held Roman, immediately let go off his arms.

“Yes.” said Virgil weakly, he coughed “Yes, I do. He’s my-”

“I’m his new assistant.” finished up Roman.

“Yes, I sent him-”

“Early this morning to run some errands, that’s why I was alone.” stated Roman,  and though his cheeks were still burning and he couldn’t be sure if Virgil was willing to confirm his version, he felt safer. The only thing that hurt him, so deeply, was that this situation even took place. Trying to hide is hesitation, Roman dusted off his shirt.

“Right.” nodded Virgil, walking closer to Roman, their shadows, melded into one “Did you check the thing I asked you for?” He arched his eyebrow and Roman sighed with relief. He was safe.

“Yes, I did… young master.” the last words rolled through his through as if it was covered with thousands of bumps, literally burning his tongue in the process. But he knew that he had to put on a perfect act. He was looking Virgil right into eyes and noted that the other man slightly winced when he hear the title.

“Great. I would love to discuss the issue with you in my office.” declared Virgil smoothly. “Elleanor, Linna, if you excuse us I shall take my leave. Business calls. We will finish our lovely conversation another time.” he bowed a little bit.

To Roman’s surprised Elleanor took off her lacy glove and reached out her hand. Roman knew the etique and he also knew what that meant. These two were close if she took off her glove. He watched Virgil lean and gallantly kiss her hand. With malice he noticed that his lips barely touched her skin but he also knew that it didn’t mean anything. Virgil could be just straight-up gentleman. He quickly moved away from the Elleanor, anxiously glancing at Roman who with grace bowed deeply to the thinning crowd around them. He made sure to follow Virgil’s every step as they were walking down the street. Elleanor’s gaze was mostly likely fixed at his back. Only few streets away from the main alley, he dared to make up the distance between Virgil at him. He glanced at the man beside him. His face was perfectly stick but the small row between his furrowing brows, suggested that he was deeply in thoughts.

“I can go alone from here.” Roman offered. He understood that Virgil wanted to make sure that the act was authentic but he was pretty sure that no one followed them. Virgil looked at him surprised.

“What do you mean, Roman? We’re going to my house, like I said.” he shook his head. His dark, smooth hair looked so elegant in the shade of afternoon’s sun, making Roman ponder how was that it was almost always sunny here while in the lower part of the city, it was usually grey and rainy.

“Virgil, you don’t have to pretend. It’s fine.” smiled Roman. Only that made him realize that slap which he received, must have cut his lips. He tasted metal with his tongue. Once again he blushed, he doubt he would ever forget this humiliation. Virgil stopped.

“If you think I’m gonna let you go through the city with this cut, you must be crazy. The infection only waits to attack your pretty face!” Roman blushed upon hearing the compliment “You know how polluted the air is! Maybe not here but…”

“Sure, I know.” Roman crossed arms on his chest “But downtown the conditions are much worse.” He still thought that Virgil was overreacting but the thought of spending a little bit more time with him alone was awfully tempting.

“It’s settled then! We’re going!” he clapped his hands as though he was a child and had just received a caramel candy. 

They walked for a moment in complete silence. Roman was still wondering if it was really the appropriate thing to do. He knew that what he was doing was selfish, the cut couldn’t be that serious. He knew that and Virgil most likely knew that too. So he had to have some other purpose to invite Roman. Well, it hardly could be called an invitation but for a moment he allowed himself to think that way. As though they were equal. In his soul they were and that’s what he was the most ashamed of. 

Streets were almost perfectly quiet in this part of the city. There were hardly any stores here but to Roman’s utter surprise, Virgil didn’t lead them to the mansion district. Instead they walked into long street filled with quite tall, 3 or 4 floored, elegant tenements. Though he knew that living in these was also expensive he was a little bit surprised as he had always imagined Virgil to live in a big, old mansion. He realized that he was the first out of the company from the workshop whom Virgil invited to his more private space. This thought made him raise his head a little bit higher. Not only he was invited into Virgil’s house but he also was about to walk into there as an equal.

“Won’t your parents be surprised that you brought me to your house?” asked Roman carefully. Just because Virgil treated him this way, didn’t mean that he would be accepted by his parents. 

Virgil snorted.

“I live alone.” he said simply before falling into silence too. Apparently after few steps he realized how cold it sounded because he added: “I moved out a few years ago. My father is very difficult man.”

Roman nodded. Now, he could understand that.

“How about your mother?” 

“She died soon after I was born. Apparently I resemble her a lot. Not only in the terms of appearance.” hummed Virgil.

“I’m sorry.” Roman bit his lips.

“Don’t be. I don’t remember her.” summed up Virgil “Oh, look. We’re here.” He stopped in front of a tenement built with dark, grey stone. Small garden in front was divided from the street with black, iron fence. The whole building appeared a little bit intimidating but surprisingly lovely. Or maybe it was just the fact that when Roman was staring at it, Virgil managed to walk over the door and was now waving at Roman. “Come inside, don’t be afraid.”

Smiling softly, Roman entered the building. The hall wasn’t big, since it was still a tenement but even this room was telling a lot about owner’s personal taste. The walls were covered with purple wallpaper decorated with natural patterns. On the opposite side of the corridor there were two doors but Virgil once again managed to surprise Roman by going upstairs.

“Follow me.” he said simply. Roman didn’t even realize when the other man took off his jacket, leaving him only in neat white shirt. Walking behind him, Roman could see the shoulder blades moving smoothly under the material. There was something intimate in this image. Intimate and beautiful to the point that Roman sighed with disappointment when they reached the floor. Like always Virgil let him go through the door first. He must have led him to the personal bungalow. Big, dark desk was standing in the central part of the room, under the window. Most of the walls were covered with bookshelves. 

“Sit somewhere, I will be right back.” murmured Virgil, and disappeared behind the doors.

Roman smiled widely. Not only he was alone in Virgil’s private rooms but also it was his first time being surrounded with this amount of books in months. He ignored soft, crimson sofa standing in the corner and walked over the first bookshelf. His fingers touched the first book standing in the row. It was a history of art. Familiar sensation ran through his body. Out of all books he chose this one. It couldn’t be an accident. As much as he wanted to take it out, snuggle in the corner and read, he knew that he couldn’t do it. There were boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. His hand lingered few more seconds on the books, before he moved a step away. 

Sighing Roman walked around once more, only then noticing the painting hanging above the fireplace. He walked closer. A woman wearing traditional sari was looking at him from the painting. The shape of her face, eyes and lips matched Virgil’s features, along with characteristic coffee-like skin colour. She was truly beautiful, another thing that Virgil and her had in common. 

“My mother was quite a beauty, wasn’t she?” asked Virgil quietly sneaking into the room, like a cat. Roman jumped on his spot, gripping his shirt with one hand.

“Don’t sneak behind me like that.” he breathed out heavily “I almost had a heart attack!” 

Snickering, Virgil walked over the sofa in the corner. Only then Roman noticed a tray with water, some rub and few smaller bandages. He once more looked at the painting in front of him. Yes, the resemblance between Virgil and his mother was burning his eyes.

“Indeed, she was exquisitely beautiful.” Roman declared, tearing his gaze away “Just like her son.” he murmured to himself, quietly. Virgil seemed to didn’t notice the last remark, as he was opening the small, lacquered box, filled with pieces of white, fluffy cotton wool.

“Come,” said Virgil, petting gently place next to himself “We’re gonna clean you up.” he smiled softly, making Roman’s heart skip the beat.

His eyes widened. Oh, no. There was no way he could sit peacefully, without staring when Virgil would touch his face. Even if it was with a piece of cotton. Roman’s gaze wandered around the room and stopped on a small mirror, lying on the desk. He quickly grabbed the object, turning around to Virgil with determination in his eyes.

“I would prefer doing it by myself.” Roma said bluntly, pointing at the mirror, he held in the left hand. “I have my pride. I’m not a damsel in distress.” he added.

Virgil quirked his eyebrow, which was almost immediately followed with a small smirk forming in the corners of his lips. Roman more than ever was proud of his decision. If Virgil smiled like that when their faces were be only few inches apart, Roman would have died for sure.

“As you wish.” shrugged Virgil finally, making more space on the couch. 

Roman, as gracefully as he could, fell on the velvet sofa, dipping in the furniture. Silky pillows were touching his back and for a split of a second Roman felt as though he was still 17, living in a huge mansion with his parents. His life used to be so easy back then… He sighed and raised the mirror. As soon as he saw his reflection, he winced. He looked absolutely terrible. Those of his curls which managed to escape from the lose braid, were sadly hanging around his face. With terror, Roman realized that he had been sulking on his appearance for months now. Of course, he had a mirror but there was no need to care about his looks as much as he used to. Maybe it was this beautiful little mirror, maybe the luxurious room or maybe man next to him, but suddenly Roman felt as though the weight that had been gathering for the past few years, fell at him at once. He shook his head, trying to hide how much his hand trembled. 

“Maybe I could at least hold the mirror?” asked Virgil worryingly.

Without a word Roman handed him the object. He didn’t trust his vocal cords. Instead he decided to focus on taking care of the cut on his lower lip. The fresh blood was still appearing in the crack. Carefully Roman took one of the cotton balls and drenched it in water. Virgil held the mirror on the level of his face and only his dark hair and eyes were visible for Roman. He decided on focus all of his attention on cleaning up the cut.

It didn’t take much time and after few minutes Roman was done. He neatly placed the utensils on the silver tray, lying on the coffee table nearby. He put his hand on his knees and straightened up, not sure what to do next. All the time, ever since Virgil raised the mirror, Roman could feel Virgil’s attentive eyes on himself. He shivered a little bit, realizing that it was probably Virgil’s reaction to his misconduct. 

“I should probably go home now.” said Roman finally. His voice was awfully loud in this empty room. He knew that being a kind host Virgil wouldn’t kick him out of his house by himself. According to the general social rules, the guest had to announce the leaving themselves. Roman was about to get up when Virgil stopped him with a gesture of his hand.

“Stay a little bit longer.” he asked quietly. Though their hands didn’t touch even the slightest, Roman felt as if the warmth was already in his palm.

“Why?” he realized his gaze. The atmosphere between them was completely different than in the workshop.

Virgil blinked, surprised with the question.

“I… Um… Actually…” he scratched the back of his neck “Oh! Actually I wanted to ask you for something!” he got up from the sofa, walking to the desk. Roman watched him with quite an interest. The atmosphere shifted again, it was much lighter than earlier but seemed to be sewed with nervousness. “Here.” said Virgil and handed Roman and piece of paper and beautiful, heavy pen. 

“Emmm…” Roman hummed a little bit lost, but took the items “And what am I supposed to do with that?”

“What do you mean?” frowned Virgil “I assume that you were looking for something in the shopping district? I don’t want you to run into troubles again, so it would be much easier if you listed things you need and I would buy them for you!” he smiled, softening Roman’s heart.

“Perhaps… perhaps you’re right.” he hummed in reply and started writing down the things, in as detailed way as he could.

“Of course, I am.” Virgil grunted quietly and Roman giggled. That was the Virgil he had gotten used to. A little bit grumpy and sarcastic but with a heart as clear as a tear. “You have nice handwriting.” Virgil pointed out after few minutes.

“Oh, really? I guess the lessons paid off then…” replied Roman absently, trying to think of another thing that he needed to buy.

“Lessons?” Virgil repeated surprised. 

The pen slipped out of Roman’s hand.  _ Oh. _

“Y-yes! My mother really paid attention to my education!” laughed Roman, trying to smooth the situation “I remember the days when she used to sit with me and made me re-write my own name until she was satisfied with the effect!” that wasn’t entirely a lie which made Roman feel a little bit better. His mother really wanted his handwriting to be as elegant as possible.

“Ah, I see…” nodded Virgil with understanding. “Anyway it is still very admirable of her. She sounds like a wonderful mother!” 

“She was really kind, indeed.” agreed Roman, smiling sadly. “To bad she passed away so quickly…”

“My condolences.” bowed Virgil lightly but Roman saw that the gesture was genuine. That was the first time someone, other than Arthur, felt sorrow upon hearing that his mother was dead. 

“Thank you.” Roman bit his lips. He wanted to continue the conversation but in the same time doors, probably front ones, opened with a loud bang.

“Virgil?!? Where are you, son?” low voice echoed across the whole building and Virgil’s eyes filled with terror. He glanced at the doors and than at Roman sitting on the couch.

“Stay here.” he whispered leaning to Roman. For a short moment they were so close that Roman would feel Virgil’s breath in his hair. Seconds later he disappeared behind the door, leaving it slightly opened.

Roman could hear the man running downstairs, greeting the guest, presumably father. He couldn’t hear the conversation quite well but after few minutes of muffled voices, the stairs lightly crackled again, suggesting that the party was moving upstairs.. Cold blood flood Roman. Was it all just a joke? A mystification to make him feel even more miserable? Roman shook his head. No, Virgil wouldn’t do that. Still, cautiously Roman decided to stand behind the door, just in case, the guest wanted to go inside the room.

“No, no! I haven’t finished that report yet, father!” exclaimed Virgil with a faint cry of panic in his voice. Roman’s breath hitched and he decided to put a hand on his mouth. Precautions never hurt.

“What do you mean, boy?” shouted Virgil’s father. His voice was tough and it was obvious that he was disappointed with his son. “Didn’t I tell you that if you wouldn’t prove the practical aspect of this project, I would not spend a single dollar more on this?”

“Yes, you did mention that…” admitted Virgil, his voice was quiet and trembling.

Thoughts were racing through Roman’s head and he was trying to connect the dots. Was Virgil’s father speaking about Patton? About Logan’s project? 

“And yet you still…” groaned the man. 

“I ran out of money a few weeks ago, alright?” snapped Virgil suddenly “You gave so little, it was impossible to support Logan with so little money! I had to invest my own cash into it just because you’re a stubborn buffoon!”

So it was about Patton after all. Roman thought about all these past few weeks, he had spent in the workshop. Virgil was paying for everything all by himself, no one to support him. They were basically living on this young, utterly beautiful male and he didn’t even let them know who they should be thankful to. Roman was considering even stepping out of the room to defend Virgil, when the next words, made him turn into an ice cube.

“I’m very disappointed with you, Virgil.” sighed Virgil’s father “You had one job and you messed it up. After I took over the del Rey’s mechanic empire, I thought that I would made you a perfect leader. First you couldn’t find that Rey’s bastard! Who knows if he won’t come back for his legacy one day! And now sponsoring this… this… toy project! I’m deeply disappointed Virgil. Not to mention the marriage…”

The stairs crackled again, letting the whole house know that Coenraad van Dijk was about to leave the household. Very offended.

“Dad…” cried Virgil weakly “Wait… You don’t understand…”

“Shush,son! I need time to rethink some things.” Coenraad hissed “Goodbye, Virgil.” he said loudly. The entrance door shut coldly, shattering the atmosphere in the house.

For a few minutes it was completely quiet. Roman blinked a couple times. So it was Virgil’s family who teared him off his previous life? Killed his parents? Planned on killing him? Roman’s heart was racing. With trembling hand he took the piece of paper Virgil handed him earlier and scribed few more words on it. He felt as though he was suffocating in this house he had to leave. He had to leave now!

Abruptly opening the door, Roman stormed out of the corridor. Virgil was standing next to the staircase, staring blankly into the void. He looked painfully empty but at this exact moment it didn’t matter to Roman and his hot, boiling blood.

“I have to go.” he growled in Virgil’s direction and only then the man looked at Roman. His eyes were hollow. “Sorry.” added Roman and few seconds again he was gone.

Virgil watched the door close for the second time this day. He didn’t know how to feel. It was stupid to tell his father about the investments. He knew it. So why did he do that? Was it because he knew that Roman was standing behind the door? Was it his unique cry for help? Plea for reassurance? The tears started rolling down Virgil’s face.

“What did I do wrong?” he sobbed quietly before moving to his office.

On the couch lied the paper with the list of products Roman needed. Virgil would ignore it but his sharp eyes noticed a fresh ink in the corner of the paper. He raised it to his eyes, quickly running through the eyes. The cry of pain that rolled out of his through could hardly be called human.

_ “Here’s what my mother made me rewrite until I achieved perfection: _

_ Roman del Rey. Roman del Rey. Roman del Rey.” _

 


	10. Chapter 10

**_Chapter 10_ **

 

Roman walked into the workshop hesitantly. The previous night was… restless to say the very least. He had been tossing around the bed, trying to figure out if it’s worth the risk to come to work again. But then, he looked around his own room, that he had been renting for past few months, and he realized that he didn’t really have a choice. He didn’t present the finest working material after all and working at the workshop was a strike of luck. The house was quiet.  _ The calm before the storm? _

“Logan must be out.” Remy said to Roman’s ear, soothing his nerves a little bit. Roman knew that it was childish to ask Remy to come with him but he really couldn’t help the twisting, retching feeling in his guts. If he would meet Virgil… he had no idea how to react, and if he would manage to look at him for more than a second before having his own throat slitted open.

“Yes, he must be…” muttered Roman. He couldn’t tell if it’s a good or bad thing. Maybe Virgil asked him to go out so that he could get rid of Roman instantly. Because he surely told Logan about the link Virgil’s family shared with Roman’s, right? He didn’t tell Remy the truth behind his anxiousness. The less people who knew about his real identity the better. Roman wanted to have at least one person by his side, one loyal friend as long as he could afford it.

Before they managed to do it themselves, the door leading to the workshop swung open in front of them, showing Patton’s smiling face. He had made a promise that he wouldn’t mention the strange silent war he had with Lo few days earlier. All that Virgil, Roman, and Remy were allowed to be told was that Lo accepted Patton as a rightful part of the the group and humankind. 

“Hey Roman! Oh! And Remy’s with you! What a nice surprise!” he grinned at the friends, letting them inside “Do you want a cake? I made some yesterday and there are still some leftovers, I think…”

Remy and Roman exchanged surprised looks. What Patton was saying implied that he had been roaming around the house which was for sure new. Especially considering that Logan and him were alone for past few days.

“Sure.” said Remy finally, resting on the corner of the table.

“Amazing!” chirped Patton lightly. “Just give me a second then.” saying that he disappeared in the corridor.

“Is it just me, or does he seem more-” started Roman.

“Cheerful and pure? Yeah, girl, I noticed that too.” Remy quirks his eyebrow. 

Their confusion must had been visible on their faces because as soon as Patton walked in he sighed with understanding. He put the plates with cake on the table, clearing his throat.

“You seem surprised.” he started, waiting for them to admit what he already knew.

“I mean… We…” stuttered Roman shoveling a piece of carrot cake into his mouth. “Mm, it’s delicious, Patton.” he added, trying to change the subject.

Remy chuckled at his friend’s attempt.

“What Roman wanted to say is that you shine brighter than the motherfuckin sun. No offence.” cleared up Remy.

“No offence taken. Also no swearing under this roof.” Patton shook his head in a manner that should make him more intimidating but in effect made him smile even more. “And I’m simply happy because Lo and I explained some things to each other. Now the trust between us is much more solid and I was finally acknowledged as a person!” he declared, careful about the pronouns he used in reference to Lo. They agreed that they would wait before coming out to the rest of the group.

“Oh my God! Patton!” Roman cried out happily, putting his empty plate away “That’s amazing! How can you declare that so calmly?” he asked before capturing Patton into a hug and lightly squeezing him.

“Careful there. He can’t breathe!” laughed Remy, watching his friends struggle. Finally Roman let go off Patton, putting him on the ground and gently patting his head.

“No worries here, Remy. I don’t have to breathe.” Patton winked. “I’ve made my peace with some aspects with my body, now. I don’t have any doubts that it’s not my body but my heart and spirit that makes me human!” he grinned cheerfully. 

“I proud of you.” smiled Roman softly. At least out of the two of them, Patton had a good time recently.

“Okay, guys as much as I would love to stay and chat a little bit more, I have furry customers to deal with. Their terrible beards won’t trim themselves!” said Remy after few minutes of comfortable conversation. He eyed Roman, looking for confirmation and receiving a small nod, he got up from his seat. “It was  nice to see you again, Patton. Us men out of steel must stick together, right?” He smiled, sliding down the glove which was decorating his hand. The silver metal shined in the daylight.

“Yes, we do!” clapped Patton. “It’s great that you found time to drop by!” he waved at Remy and soon Roman and him were the only people left in the workshop. 

Patton gathered the plates, excusing himself to the kitchen. Meanwhile Roman, anxiety still present his heart, decided that he should do what he was hired to do. Meaning he started cleaning up the workshop. Over the past few days, the amount of spilled glues and broken pieces of machinery increased significantly so he had a lot of work to do. 

He liked working when Patton and him were the only people around. It created a lovely, homey atmosphere. Sometimes they talked and sometimes they let cozy silence fall upon them. A question was burning Roman’s tongue but he kept himself in check, knowing that it’s better to stay silent for now. He didn’t want to reveal more than Patton knew. Virgil’s name was ringing in his head and every noise made him jump. He was scared that Virgil coul walk in any minute and god knows what would happen then. What Roman didn’t know was that he was constantly being watched by Patton. And though, Patton had to admit, he wasn’t as good at reading Roman’s mood as he was with Lo’s, he still easily picked up the anxiety.

“So…” started Patton, he had a plan in his head and since Roman was a anxious today, it made a perfect moment to share it. He hadn’t shared this plan with anyone else, waiting for Roman to support him. “I have this plan, Roman, and I need your help. Only you can help me.”

Roman put down the cloth he was using to polish one of the core membranes. A flicker of curiosity lightened up his brown eyes, making him look at least 5 years younger. 

“You got me interested, Patton.” Roman said, smoothly jumping on the countertop. His legs dangling in the air. 

“Well, you see…” Patton hesitated for a moment, he didn’t want to look like a complete fool “Some time ago, I started building something…”

“Then why won’t you ask Specks to help you?” Roman quirked up his eyebrow. “I’m no inventor here.”

Patton chuckled at the nickname.

“Actually, this is hardly an invention.” he cleared up. 

“Oh? Pray to tell me more?” Roman’s eyes were literally sparkling with curiosity. Patton sighed. He studied some books and heard Roman mention the object once or twice but he had never really seen it. 

Biting his lips, Patton waved at Roman to come to the corner. As soon as the man stepped closer, Patton carefully pulled an old tablecloth from what seemed to be a big chest. Beside him Roman let out a loud gasp. 

The prototype of a piano was barely reminding of the wooden instrument Roman used to play at in the pub, not to mention the grand piano he used as a child but nonetheless, the view took away his breath. Roman gently touched the lid, as though he was afraid it could break. Patton saw that he could hardly hold himself back, before sitting on the chair and testing the keys.

“Is it working?” asked Roman quietly, with surprise noticing that his eyes were getting blurry with hot tears.

“That’s the problem…” Patton mumbled shyly, causing Roman to look back at him “I don’t know… I’ve never heard music so I don’t know if it works right…” 

“Oh my goodness, Patton!” exclaimed Roman dramatically before falling on his one knee. “I’ve stained my honor by not making sure to colour your life with the blessing of music but fear not my friend, I shall make it up for this mistake.” Saying that he pulled Patton’s hand and squeezed it firmly.

“It means that you’ll help me?” Patton grinned cheerfully, the attitude of his friend being both terrifying and hilarious.

“Of course! How could I not offer you my help!” Roman let Patton pull himself up. He brushed off his pants before turning back to the piano. His fingers touched the key but didn't press it yet. “Luckily for you, I actually know this instrument pretty well. It may look rusty but it doesn’t mean that it is incapable of producing the most enchanting sounds!”

Roman’s voice hung in the air as though he wanted to say more but wasn’t able to. Patton glanced at him, not even bothering to hide his interest. Roman once again caressed the keys gently, as a way of greeting the instrument. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath because gently pressing one of the keys. The noise rang in the air before escaping through the opened window. Roman gulped and opened his eyes. Tears threatening to spill from the corners of his eyes.

“And?” asked Patton “How is it?”

“It’s…” emotions were piercing Roman’s voice, making it tremble a little bit. He cleared his throat. “It’s appropriate but can do better than that. It needs tuning.” He moved his gaze from the piano back at Patton. “How did you construct it, by the way?”

“Books.” said Patton simply, smiling widely. He rushed to one of the bookshelves and took out one of the volumes. “I think that Lo forgot even having this book even. And I was bored so…”

“Woah!” Roman whistled quietly. “Let me get this clear: you figured out how a piano is built basing on one book?” he quirked up his eyebrow, hands resting on each side of his hips. “Logan doesn’t give you enough credit.”

Patton smiled shyly and shrugged in response. 

“It’s really no big deal...”

“But it is! Your impact shall not be forgotten!” grinned Roman and lightly knocked the box of the piano. “So, tell me, how exactly do you open this thing?”

“Ah, right! Let me show you!”

The inside of the instrument was much more complicated than Roman had ever seen. Strings were going in all possible directions and it seemed that Patton added a little bit too many mufflers but it didn’t matter. Roman had something to work on and he was determined to improve it, so that he could play something for Patton as soon as possible. His friend deserved to hear Roman’s marvelous performance of Vivaldi's  _ Autumn _ on the piano. He rolled up the sleeves of the shirt and began working.

Patton kept to himself at a distance, only bringing some tools that Roman asked him for. He was in awe. Every few minutes, Roman tried another key, and every time the sound coming out of the instrument was more pure and more melodic. He was glad that he asked Roman for help. Not only because he really wanted to listen to music for the first time but also the happiness that was reflecting in Roman’s posture was extremely rewarding. 

Still, Patton couldn’t help but notice the nervous looks Roman was throwing at the door. He was much more relaxed, that’s for sure, but still something was clearly bugging him. He didn’t have to wait for the answer to his question for too long though.

“Hey, Patton?” asked Roman, his head disappearing in the box of the piano, one finger striking a single key. “Is Virgil coming today?”

Though he couldn’t see him face, Patton sensed the anxiety instantly. It was really unsettling. It almost sounded as though Roman was afraid of Virgil, while just a few days ago these two had been giving bedroom eyes to each other.

“I don’t know.” replied Patton, after a moment on reflection. “I haven’t seen him for quite a long time, now… Why?”

Roman’s finger struck the key a little bit more firmly. The sound bounded across the room. The tone which a few minutes ago sounded like the beginning of the purest melody, now was a herald of a nocturne.

“No particular reason.” Roman mumbled, his eyes peeking above the wall of the box. The natural shade of golden hazelnuts lacked its natural warmth. “Just wondering.”

But Patton wasn’t blind. He saw from the behind how Roman’s muscles on his back tensed, upon hearing the question. He saw the small drop of sweat rolling down his neck. And finally he also saw the defeat in his posture as his arms dropped. 

“Have you seen him recently?” asked Patton leaning over a wall. His arms crossed on the chest. 

“Maybe.” 

“How long?”

“... Some time.”

“Problems?”

“You could say so.” Roman sighed and closed the box. He stood for a moment with his hands placed on the lid before turning around. “It should play nicely now.” he quickly changed the subject, avoiding Patton’s gaze. ‘If you provide me with a chair, I will gladly check how it works in real practice.” he shot a bright, and only a little bit fake, smile.

Patton hummed softly. There would be no use it trying to squeeze something out of Roman. His lips were sealed and he clearly didn’t want to cover the subject today. 

“Go wash your hands, they’re all dirty.” pointed Patton jokingly. 

Roman snorted, shaking his head but directed his steps to the bathroom anyway, leaving Patton alone. 

The bathroom was small and no matter how many times Roman cleaned this room it remained foggy and moldy. He hated that room, which remained him of how his life looked like comparing to the past. Roman tried to sooth his thick curls in the mirror. Due to the humidity it kept curling in the most annoying way. He sighed and tied the hair into his usual braid. 

“God bless Remy for being a barber. I would look like a barbarian if he wouldn’t trim my hair from time to time.” mumbled Roman, tucking several strands of his hair behind his ear. 

He rested his hands on the sink, eyes fixed into the silver plughole. The sinks in his family house used to be porcelain with golden handles. He was foolish for recollecting these little things but he couldn’t help it. In his head he was strolling through the corridors of the mansion. His steps, and the soft melody played by his mother in the guest room, were the only sounds that disturbed the silence. 

“Piano. Right.” said Roman out loud, snapping out of the maze of memories. 

Shaking his head he came back to the workshop. The instrument was standing where he left it, at the side, almost hidden in the shadows. And yet it was the brightest piece of furniture in the room. The corners of Roman’s lips uncontrollably traveled up. He was going to play, for the first time in months. And not only that. He would bring the light of art and music into Patton’s world. What a beautiful and joyful day.

The chair was already waiting for him. Patton was looking out of the window, probably because he didn’t want to make Roman feel shy. But Roman wasn’t the one who was afraid of showing off his talent. Not this one at least. 

“Don’t you need notes?” asked Patton, still staring at the horizon.

“No.” Roman replied quickly. He already knew what he was going to play. A melody coming straight out of his heart.

_ Here’s the song Roman is playing: _

[ _ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Cq175HNWu0 _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Cq175HNWu0)

As soon as his fingers touched the keys, striking familiar notes, he closed his eyes. He didn’t have to see the instrument to play the melody. He was pouring his feelings into every tone but his touch remained soft and gentle as though he was talking with an old friend whom he thought he’d never see again. His eyes were burning, even under his eyelids and he knew already that a few drops had already rolled down his cheeks. The music filled him completely as tones were swinging into the air. He could almost smell the rain and see the rainbow that appeared on the sky. It didn’t take him long enough to start humming the parts his mother used to play on the cello. 

It was a composition about how both sadness and hope cross into one’s life. About how the rain on his face can bring happiness and how sun on his skin can make him burn. It was a  song about about loss and love. About beauty in both grand and small things. The melody was filled with bitterness on his tongue and sweetness running in his veins. Roman had played this piece before, but it had never hit him like that day. Suddenly it wasn’t just a beautiful melody. It was a song about him and his life with its ups and downs.

When he was slowly arriving to the end, he opened his eyes. He couldn’t end it with his eyes closed.

Finally his fingers moved away from the keys and he sobbed silently. For the first time in days, weeks, even months, he felt gloriously at peace with himself.

He looked at Patton, completely ignoring the streams rolling down his cheeks. He wasn’t ashamed of them. The other man smiled at him softly. He said no words, but Roman saw what Patton meant in his eyes. There was everything there: pride and happiness, sympathy and warmth. Maybe even sentiment. 

“Thank you for letting me play this. I was honored.” Roman said softly. His voice smooth like a honey and velvety like a silk. 

“Thank you for playing it for me.” Patton smiled back. “It is one of the most beautiful moments of my life.” he confessed honestly.

“Ah, don’t mind it.” Roman waved his hand. “I haven’t practiced in months, so it probably sounded a little bit stiffly.”

“If I may join, it sounded perfect to me.” added silky smooth voice and Roman felt as though his heart stopped beating for a moment. Hesitantly, he turned around to face the door. Virgil was leaning over the door frame. One hand resting on his hips. Though he was smiling slightly, it was clear that he was nervous, yet Roman couldn’t get a hint as to why he was feeling this way.

“See, Roman? Even Virgil admits that you’re amazing!” Patton gently patted Roman’s shoulder, passing him by. Their looks crossed for a split of a second. “I have to go… do some things.” he added quickly. “If you boys need me, I’m in the kitchen, okay?”

Virgil nodded absently, letting Patton out of the room. It seemed that only a few seconds later, he realized that he was left completely alone with Roman. The anxiety became even more visible on his face.

“It’s been a while…” he started hesitantly, walking deeper into the room.

Roman took a step back. He could feel the cold, cement wall behind his back.

“Please don’t run away from me.” asked Virgil weakly, he looked… heartbroken. “Please.” he repeated.

“I have no space to back away to anyway.” muttered Roman, earning a sad smile from Virgil.

“You know what I mean.” he said, now being only few meters away from Roman.

“Do I?” Roman tilted his head.

“You seem scared.” pointed Virgil, completely ignoring his question. 

“I would be a fool if I wasn’t scared.” replied Roman, watching Virgil sit on the chair. He noticed the deep frown between his eyebrows, the dark look in his eyes, the sadness contorting his handsome features. 

Neither of them knew what to say.

Biting his lips Roman, looked down at the ground. Maybe it wasn't safe for him to turn his gaze away from the very person that was an heir of a family that killed his own parents but Roman couldn’t stand looking at him. He realised it only now, when Virgil was just few meters away- Roman could never fully hate him. And he felt guilty for that. He glanced up again and their eyes met. There was no violence nor darkness in Virgil’s look. Only fear of hurting someone whom he cared about. But recently, Roman didn’t know how to read this emotion right. 

“Look…” Virgil started again “I’m not here to hurt you, though I wouldn't blame you if you thought so.” He took a deep breath in, trying to calm himself down. “I’m here to apologize.”

“I’m all ears.” Roman nodded. He couldn't refuse listening to him.

“Please don’t… Don’t judge me so harshly, Roman.” Virgil’s eyes shined like cobalts. “I played no part in the cruelty my father had done. I didn’t even know until a few months ago when I accidentally read one of his secret mail.” His voice was bitter, almost ranging at furious. “I was so angry and hurt. My father, my role-model, turned out to be cruel man with close to zero morals… I cut myself away from him in all the ways I could but you know… he was still my family and it was just…” Virgil’s hands curled into fists “It was just so hard… And when I learnt who you were… I just… Even though I wasn’t the one who did that… I’m just…” his head dropped, eyes fixing at the floor “I’m so sorry, Roman. I could never make it up to you. What my father did… I’m so ashamed of that. I’m so sorry.”

Thick tears started covering the floor between his legs as Virgil cried for all the damage and sins that he never made but felt responsible for. Roman gulped. He still was scared. It could always be a trap but something in Virgil’s posture, the trembling in his voice and just his personality, made Roman want to believe that it was an honest apology. 

He didn’t wait much longer. Within one second, he moved to Virgil’s side, embracing him in a hug. Virgil sobbed into his shoulder and only then Roman realized that somewhere along the lines he started crying too. 

Virgil was cold under his touch, as he always had been but there was something relaxing in this coldness. His chilly fingers were stroking Roman’s back, sending shivers down his spine. But it felt good. He even dared to think that it felt safe.

“I’m not sure if I can tell you if I forgive you.” whispered Roman when the tears stopped flowing out of his eyes. His hot breath was tickling Virgil’s ear.

“I’m not asking for forgiveness.” muttered Virgil into Roman’s shirt which was almost completely wet with tears.

“Would you let me finish?” groaned Roman but there was no annoyance in his voice. “What I mean is that… I don’t know if I can forgive you because I don’t blame you for anything. It wasn’t… it was not your fault. And while I don’t think I can ever forgive your father… You… I… You’re not the one to be blamed.” he moved away from his previous position, to face Virgil. He had also stopped crying.

Closing his eyes, Roman rested his forehead against Virgil’s. His hand made its way on the back of Virgil’s neck. He started delicately stroking the base of his hairline. It felt smooth under his touch. After few minutes he started speaking again:

“I accept your apology, Virgil. I do accept it from the depth of my heart, but know that you have nothing to apologize for.” Roman opened his eyes again and realized that in fact their faces were only a few inches apart. Neither of them moved away, but maybe it was because Roman’s hand was securing the Virgil’s neck. “You’ve been nothing but a ray of sunshine to me. Always treated me as though we were equal-”

“We are.” opposed Virgil quietly. His hand resting on Roman’s knee. 

“Shush.” Roman smiled. “I wanted to say that not only I accept the apology but also humbly ask you to accept my deepest thanks for being who you are.” 

Roman knew that it hardly had anything to do with Virgil’s speech, but that was the perfect opportunity for him to say that. Though it was far from the confession he had dreamt of, the feelings crowding in his heart needed to be vented out of his system. At least partially. He wanted to search for something in Virgil’s eyes, but instead he let his hand slip off his neck and got up.

He expected to be let go off, maybe even being pushed away but what came next surprised him beyond his level of imagination. 

Still sitting on the chair, Virgil grabbed the front of Roman’s shirt, pulling him down again. He looked deeply into Roman’s eyes, the dark orbs lightened up with a spark Roman didn’t recognize. He didn’t have time to dwell upon that because a second later, those same eyes closed and he felt something surprisingly warm and soft on his lips. 

Virgil was kissing him. 

It was as though they had done it hundreds of times when Roman kissed back, closing his eyes. The kiss was tender and warm and almost familiar. Neither of the pair were thinking about the possible outcomes and results of their actions. 

Roman wrapped his arms around Virgil, pushing him to lean over the back of the chair, tilting his head up to have better access to his lips. He tasted like cherries, smell perfectly matching the scent of the sandal wood that was always surrounding him. For a moment he felt ashamed of the sweat that seeped into his shirt but Virgil by deepening the kiss, quickly swept these thoughts away.

Finally they parted, drawing the air into their lungs. Blood was rushing through Roman’s veins and under his touch he could feel that Virgil must have felt in a similar way. Their gazes locked together once again.

“I had no idea who you were, Roman.” said Virgil quietly, the softness in his voice surprised Roman. He got up, brining Roman’s hands to his chest. “I had no idea and I fell in love with you, before I realized what’s happening.” 

Blush covered Roman’s cheekbones and reddened his ears.

“I thought I never stood a chance with you…” whispered Roman. “Only because of that I didn’t prepare a confession that would make you weep.” 

Virgil laughed, the melody much more beautiful to Roman than the one who played on the piano earlier.

“I’ve cried enough today, I think.” Virgil smiled, his nose rubbing against Roman’s.

“Fair. I will leave it for another day.” Decided Roman and before Virgil could reply, he locked their lips in another kiss. Much longer but also more passionate.

Patton peaked behind the door.

“I knew it…” he whispered to himself with a triumphant smile and quietly closed the door. 

  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**_Chapter 11_ **

  
  


“So let me get this straight.” laughed Remy.

“You can’t get straight with this story!” Roman shot his finger guns, causing the whole group to burst into laughter again. Virgil delicately squeezed Roman’s knee under the table, sending a pleasant shiver down his spine. 

“Okay, okay. So let me clear up the whole thing… Patton didn’t have much luck that day, did he?” started Remy again, glancing at the said man, sitting on his right and giggling cheerfully. “Poor, innocent Patton thought that you two were sitting in the corner, talking while in reality Roman was stradling Virgil’s legs and goodness gracious Patton realized that only when he was way too close to turn away?”

“I had no idea what were they doing!” excused himself Patton. Both Virgil and Roman were blushing fiercely, hearing the story.

“We got a little bit carried away…” mumbled Virgil, stroking Roman’s hand.

“You were about to rip off his shirt!” cried Patton, covering his eyes to demonstrate his reaction.

“I can’t believe you were making out in my peaceful temple of knowledge.” Lo shook her head with a mixture of offence and disappointment. 

“I dare to say that it could have been worse!” said Remy, wiping the tears that gathered in his eyes. It had been a while since he had so much to laugh at, but teasing Roman and Virgil was way too adorable and amusing to stop.

Virgil groaned in fake annoyance, but didn't say anything. His cheeks were burning, even though the situation had happened over a week prior. He had seen Roman only a few times since the unexpected confession and one of those meetings was pretty… fiery.

The reveal of their relationship to Lo and Remy was fast and smooth, despite Virgil’s worries. Being raised in a very conservative family, he was afraid of being outed, once again. It didn’t even cross his thoughts to come out to his father, especially with Roman. Though the decision was tough, he decided that he should make sure to never let his father anywhere close Roman. He seriously even considered never meeting that man again, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to look into the face of the man who murdered his love’s parents.

“In fact, you two look pretty adorable together.” hummed Remy after a while, resting his head on the knuckles. “I wish you all the best from the depth of my heart.” he added sweetly.

“Well, thank you. That’s so kind of you.” smiled Roman. “We still have no idea how to make this work, since you know… society is ruthless and people are terribly homophobic here.” Virgil frowned hearing these words. He was aware of the obstacles, but hearing of them still threw a shadow of worry on his heart.

“I’m sure you’re gonna work it out together!” cheered Patton. “And if you ever need me, I will be here. Same goes to Lo!”

“Ah, speaking of this crazy man, Patton? What a bravery!” laughed Roman lightly. The uncomfortable shift on Lo’s chair went unnoticed by almost everyone except of Patton. He sent Lo a reassuring smile, trying to calm her down. 

It’s been few weeks since Lo started identifying as genderfluid. They had been talking with Patton about the possibility of coming out to the rest of the group. Patton was convinced that the rest would accept Lo without a blink of an eyes, but she still had doubts (“But Patton! I’ve been feeling a girl for few days now! What if I’m in fact simply a trans-woman??”). There were also days when the gender was so confusing for Lo that they had no idea who in fact they were. That’s when Patton came for the rescue. Though it wasn’t easy, thanks to his incredibly sensitivity, he was able to help establish Lo’s current gender. Together they decided that in fact the name “Logan” still fit on the days when he felt a man, on the other days, either when she felt female or they felt non binary, they settled for simple and easy “Lo”.

“Actually, Patton could I ask you for a minute of your attention?” asked Lo, hesitation tugging her voice. She adjusted her glasses, meting curious gazes of the men around the table. ‘I mean in private. Patton.” added Lo, getting up from the chair.

“Sure.” nodded Patton, jumping on his spot. He was surprised by the question, but it was a nice surprise. Lo and him had grown much closer ever since they explained everything to each other. He couldn’t be more happy. Everything he had dreamt of ever since he gained consciousness came true. Despite that, he didn’t hesitate to go against Lo, whenever he felt that it was the right thing to do. Thanks to the new and stronger bond, he slowly started working on improving Lo’s sleep schedule and general self-care. Few times, he had to almost forcefully kicked Lo out of the workshop to take a break. Yes, Patton was quite content with the turn his reality had taken.

They walked out of the small kitchen. Patton was still too anxious to agree on leaving the house, even though, he really wanted to. He knew that eventually his time would come. Lo opened the door leading to her bedroom and let Patton in. He hadn’t been there since their ground-shaking conversation a few weeks earlier.

“What is it that you wanted to talk about?” asked Patton, tilting his head.

“I think this is the right moment.” declared Lo, curling her hands into fists.

“Tell them what?” Patton’s eyebrows furrowed.

Lo growled.

“About my gender.” she replied shortly.

Patton’s eyes lightened up in awe.

“But are you sure? You don’t have to press yourself into doing this if you don’t feel like it. It’s all about how you feel, Lo.” he started asking frantically, grabbing Lo by her shoulders. “You’re valid no matter if you’re out or not.”

“I am aware of this, Patton. This is all my decision.” Lo nodded her head. “I’m ready.”

“Like… today?” 

“Like today.”

“Do you want me to prepare the grounds, somehow?” hummed Patton rubbing his chin.

“No.” said Lo and without further explanation exited the room, leaving Patton a little bit dumbfounded. First she wanted to talk, but it was merely a conversation. Patton gasped, realizing the situation and quickly rushed into the kitchen.

Resting her knuckles on the table, Lo kept her eyes fixed at something behind the window. Roman, Virgil, Remy were all staring at her, not even trying to hide their curiosity.

“I have something to declare.” uttered Lo, a little bit stiffly. Patton, from behind, put his hand on her shoulder, giving a firm squeeze. He had so many words, and doubted if she was ready, but he also knew that at the end of the day, it wasn’t his choice to make.

“We’re all ears.” nodded Remy, raising a mug to his lips.

“I’m genderfluid. That’s it.” said Lo simply before sinking on the chair.

Silence that fell in the room was overwhelming to Patton. He could feel everything: Lo’s nervousness, Virgil’s slight confusion, mixed with admiration, Roman’s forming excitement and Remy’s positive agitation. He was about to say something, encourage and reassure Lo that everything was alright and she had nothing to worry about, when suddenly whole room filled with cheerful cheering, laugh and all kind of wonderful responses.

“Oh my Gosh, that is so brave of you!” yelled Remy. “Bitch, I’m so proud!”

“Aww!” squealed Roman. “That took a lot of courage but thank you so much for trusting us this much!”

And finally Virgil’s shy: “You said it like a pro. You’re amazing.”

Lo blinked few times, everything in the room was getting a little bit blurry.

“So you… You don’t mind?” She asked quietly, hesitation still thickly lingering her words.

“Of course not!”

“That’s fantastic that you came out to us!”

“How could we mind? You’re such a wonderful person!”

“Oh, also please make sure to let us know about your preferred pronounces on the given day, okay?” The last question came from Remy. Not waiting for the answer he got up from his seat and quickly wrapped his arms around a, slightly trembling from emotions, Lo. Soon enough, Roman joined them and then Virgil. 

Patton looked at them with a soft smile on his face, before wrapping his arms around the group. His heart felt like chirping with joy and he couldn’t stop himself from smiling. The best part of sensing others’ emotions was the heart-warming happiness that was now hanging in the air around them. And Lo’s happiness was the warmest of them all.

\---

The night was slowly throwing its navy shade on the city when Remy, Roman and Virgil were about to leave Lo’s house. A lot of happy tears and honest smiles were shared that evening, putting everyone into a great mood. If their bond wasn’t strong before then, it became as solid as a rock that day. Patton was literally glowing with pride and happiness. Lo’s eyes lightened every time someone referred to her using the appropriate pronounces. Remy was just so excited about the new direction Lo’s life took. It was a path filled with friendship and trust. 

Lo and Patton stood on the stairs, bidding their goodbyes to the leaving  men until the group didn’t disappear behind the corner. Remy, Virgil and Roman were for a while walking in complete silence when suddenly Virgil stopped, gently grabbing Roman’s hand.

“Remy, could I steal him for this evening?” he asked a little bit shyly.

Roman looked at him surprised. He knew that the way to Virgil’s house was leading through a completely different part of the city than where they were now,. Remy smiled suggestively.

“Sure thing, but stay safe, girlies.” he laughed, noticing Virgil’s embarrassment. 

“I didn’t mean it to-” protested Virgil when Remy poked him in his ribs and giggling like a manic ran down the street, shouting something about love birds.

“Let him be. You can try to change the world but you can’t change Remy Levkin.” laughed Roman. He glanced at Virgil, delicately stroking his thumb. It was smooth like velvet. If he thought about it, Virgil as a whole reminded him of velvet. “What did you want to talk about?” he asked when they started walking down the harbour.

“Nothing in particular. Just wanted to spend some time with you outside.” hummed Virgil, watching the peaceful sea spreading ahead of them.

They walked in complete silence for a while, enjoying the company of the other, just living in the moment. Suddenly, they heard a ramble coming from one of the buildings nearby. Almost immediately their hands parted. Roman shivered feeling the cold under his fingers.

“I wish I could hold your hand forever.” he thought bitterly, not realizing that he said those words out loud.

“I wish I could show the world that we are together, too…” agreed Virgil quietly. “I was never too fond of this country but now with you by my side… its rules appear even more unfair and twisted.”

“There’s nothing we can do about that. At least not that I’m aware.” pointed Roman.

“True…” sighed Virgil. His shoulder hunched visibly and instantly he appeared smaller and more vulnerable. “I just… I wish we could be more open about this relationship.”

“Woah, look at you, Darkest of Dreamers.” joked Roman, “And I thought I’m the romantic one here.”

“I have my moments.” Virgil snorted and, after a few seconds of hesitation, took Roman’s hand in his own. “We will figure something out. Eventually.” 

“Yes, we will figure something out together.” nodded Roman. 

Both of them knew that the future looked gloomy for them. Even if they somehow managed to jump through the problem of social differences that society saw in them, there was still the problem of the nature of their relationship. Homosexuality wasn’t widely accepted, nor even talked about, which pretty much forced them to hide in the shadows.

Neither one of them said these words, but they were aware of each other thoughts.

“I will walk you home.” said Virgil finally. “Don’t try arguing with me. It’s late. Besides, it’s another half an hour in your company.” He let go off Roman’s hand, to bow in front of him, capturing his wrist again and placing a small kiss on it.

“Well, if you insist.” smiled Roman, amused with Virgil’s bravado. He didn’t show this side of himself often and Roman felt lucky for being able to witness this dorkiness from time to time. “Lead the way, gentleman.” He nodded slightly and curtsied. 

Virgil laughed (a sound that could cure the world, or so Roman del Rey suspected) but took the hand into a firm grip nonetheless. They walked a few steps before Virgil stopped again and looked around.

“And where exactly do you live?” he asked, smiling innocently.

“Oh god…” sighed Roman dramatically. “I guess I have to be the one who saves the damsel in distress.” He clicked his tongue. 

“Oh shut up, you.” groaned Virgil, pretending that he didn’t notice that mischievous look in Roman’s eyes.

From that place, the way to Roman’s rented room took less time than Virgil had expected. He winced upon hearing the noises of fights when he walked on the said street. The lights in a few taverns and a pub were still turned on and apparently the party there was still in motion. Roman blushed realizing where he brought Virgil, who after all was still holding a high social position. Roman himself might had gotten used to the condition here but Virgil… he was painfully clueless. What would he think of the surroundings? 

“I can go from here by myself…” suggested Roman, untangling their fingers, playing with the button of his shirt. “It’s not like something… I mean… Ugh, I can go from here alone.”

Virgil fixed his big, dark eyes on the stuttering man in front of him. His gaze carefully slipped down Roman’s lean body. Despite his outfit and ruffled hair, he didn’t fit into the scenery. Virgil could easily imagine Roman wearing the finest fabrics and drinking tea out of crystal cups, but he couldn’t see him walking through the crowd of drunk brutals like he had just suggested. 

“I will walk you up to your doors.” he shook his head, trying to sound as though he wouldn’t take ‘no’ as an answer.

“But-”

“No discussion. Now, will you lead me straight to your house or do we have to go from one building to another, for you to admit where exactly you live?” asked Virgil, arching his eyebrow. Nothing was left from the hunched silhouette he had became in the harbour a few minutes ago. Roman tried to last against Virgil’s dark eyes, but eventually had to turn away his gaze.

“This way…” Roman mumbled, shambling slowly. Virgil was patiently walking behind him, as though he was trying to protect his back. Roman mentally thanked heavens that they could get to his room through the door at the back of the pub. He couldn’t stand the humiliation of walking with Virgil through the crowd of raffish customers.

The stairs crunched under their feet as they were walking up. The noises coming from the main room of the pub were muffled but it was clear that most of the people there were awfully drunk. The only thing that Roman didn’t have to worry about were his three neighbours. Two of them were nice, quiet labourers, while the last room was taken by an elderly lady who was rarely leaving her little home.

Roman pressed the doorknob leading to his room, closing his eyes. In a moment Virgil would see in how dirty and disgusting Roman’s place was. It would be a true miracle if he touched him ever again. He pushed the door, expecting the lights to be turned off. How surprised was he when realized that not only it’s light inside but also there’s a person sitting on his bed. Roman gasped.

“Joan?!?” recognising familiar face.

“For fuck’s sake! Roman!” Joan’s face brightened up in a smile. “I’m so glad to see you! I was worried that at the end I would break into some stranger’s house!” They cackled and jumped off the bed. Soon Roman found himself being hugged by familiar arms. With surprised he realized that not even a single thing had changed in Joan. Finally they let go off him and whistled.

“Man, you sure look lots scruffier!” They nodded, before pinching one of Roman’s cheeks. “But the face is still handsome as hell!”

“Thanks Joan but what-” started Roman before a fake coughing caught him midway through the sentence.

“Excuse me, but what is going on there?” Asked Virgil, standing behind Roman all that time.

Joan stood on their toes and looked at Virgil over Roman’s shoulder.

“Who is this dude, Ro?” they whispered to his ear. Roman blushed deeply.

“Ah, you see Joan. Ahaha, and you too Virgil… I forgot…”

“About your hidden relationship with someone else?” Virgil’s eyebrows furrowed.

“What? No!” cried Roman and took a deep breath in. “Virgil this is my old friend Joan. Joan this is my _very_ _close friend_ Virgil.” he put emphasis on friend, hoping that Joan would catch the hint. He didn’t want to risk saying ‘date’ out loud. Walls had ears after all.

“You two are fucking?” asked Joan unimpressed, completely ignoring the basic courtesy.

“I beg your pardon?” gasped Virgil. Roman bit his lip in attempt to hide the smile. He had missed Joan’s honesty.

“They asked if we’re couple.” Roman translated finally, still trying to hide his smile.

“Oh… I thought that… Well nevermind…” Virgil blushed, stuttering a little bit. “But in fact yes, we are in a relationship. With Roman.” he added as if it wasn’t clear who’s ‘we’.

Joan grinned and punched Roman’s arm.

“Congratulations, man. You finally gonna get some.”

“Jesus.” sighed Roman, mirroring their smile.

“No, my name is Joan. It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, but I had hoped you would remember my name.”

Virgil snickered.

“I like you.” he said to Joan who narrowed their eyes. Not hiding their motives they checked Virgil up from his toes to the top of his head. Then they looked at Roman and back at Virgil.

“He seems alright.” Joan said to Roman quietly but it was certain that half of the building heard that. Then they turned their attention back to Virgil. “But if you hurt him, I will rip out your liver and sell it on the blackmarket.” They reached out their hand. “Nice to meet you, I’m Joan.”

“Well, I don’t plan on hurting him but I will remember that.” smirked Virgil and it hit Roman how kind a person Virgil was, not to mention handsome. Or hot. Synonyms. “Alright then, I see that you’re staying in good hands, Roman. I shall take my leave then. It seems that you two have a lot to catch up on.” Virgil wanted to bow respectfully but before he managed to Roman yanked the front of his jacket and brought him into deep, passionate kiss. He knew that it probably wasn’t the safest thing but he couldn’t help himself. Behind him, Joan whistled quietly. The kiss was short but it was enough to swirl both of their heads.

“You can go now.” whispered Roman right into Virgil’s ear. Hot air tickled his his skin. “Stay safe.” he added after moving away and winked at the man before closing the door.

“You sure grew up into an even bigger flirt, Roman.” giggled Joan, sitting back on Roman’s bed.

“Oh, shut up.” Roman groaned, resting next to Joan. “Or better yet tell me how you found me?” he asked, biting the inner side of his cheek. He knew that it couldn’t have been an accident.

“Easy. On the same day when you left, a letter came. A letter addressed to you. Since you were gone, I excused myself to open it.” Joan started tracing cycles on the wall. “In the letter I learned what you probably learned when you arrived here. That your father’s company bankrupted and that your family…”

“Was murdered, yes, this information didn’t exactly pass me by.” said Roman calmly. He appreciated Joan’s delicacy but there was no need to pretend the facts weren’t there.

“Anyway, I decided to chase after you. I wanted to bring you back and help you in this new situation.” explained Joan, gesturing vividly. “I took on the first ship but when I arrived, it turned out that no one knew anything about you.”

Roman’s eyes widened.

“You did it for me?” he whispered, emotions taking over his voice. “But you… I… Oh my god, Joan!” he felt a mixture of both love and anger. “How could you do something that reckless?” he asked punching Joan’s arm.

“Hah, easy, easy there, boy.” laughed Joan. “Of course I did it. In fact, I did it twice. See, I couldn’t find you after days of searching and decided that I had to go back and plan everything better. I’ve actually arrived for the second time two weeks later. I heard a rumour about a mysterious workshop which hired a beautiful pianist with the face of an angel. I had a hunch in my guts and I’ve decided to listen to it.” they summed up with a proud smile.

“You’re… You’re…”

“Amazing? Wonderful? A blessing?”

“You’re a freaking idiot!” yelled Roman, wrapping Joan in his arms.

“Well, I suppose you also have some storytelling to do, don’t you?” asked Joan smuggly when Roman finally let go off him. “Maybe start with how did you manage to sink into the city right after arriving here, huh?”

“It’s a long story…”

“We have all night.”

~~~

Logan sighed, lying across the bed. It was early morning but he was already fully woken up. The previous day was extraordinarily eventful. He didn’t exactly plan revealing his gender this fast but it just felt like a right thing to do and he was glad he made this choice.

He rolled over the bed, wrapping himself tighter with the quilt. The rain could had been heard even from his room which was completely windowless. He wondered if Patton was up. In theory, Logan knew that Patton didn’t need sleep but he also knew that he still fell asleep every night, explaining that it helped him rest after a long day. Patton probably had a better sleeping schedule than Logan himself.

Stretching out his limbs, he sat up on the bed. He completely didn’t feel like working today. Actually, after finishing up everything that concerned Patton, he completely lost motivation. He suspected that he was in need of finding new inspiration and maybe a slight change of scenery around him, but he had no idea how to do that. He pulled on a long skirt that Patton made for him some time ago. He might feel like a male today but it didn’t mean that he couldn’t wear a skirt. Especially since he didn’t plan on leaving home today.

Groggily, Logan stumbled across the corridor, making his way to the kitchen. He poured some water into the kettle. He wrapped the blanket on his shoulders tighter and looked outside. The street was as grey and ordinary as usual. The rain pouring thickly made it look even more miserable. He watched the rain for the few minutes before pouring hot water into his mug. With the other hand he took some oils out of the cupboard and put them on a small tray, next to his mug. 

With a firm kick he opened the door leading to the workshop. He scanned the room, trying to localize Patton. Logan smiled when he finally spotted him. His lean body was curled into a small ball in the corner of his little couch. As quietly as he could, Logan made his way to the sleeping man. Carefully he put the tray down on the piano box. Patton had showed him the instrument some time ago, promising that one day he would learn how to play. Thinking about this moment and the excitement in Patton’s eyes, made Logan feel all warm and dizzy inside. It was something akin to what he felt whenever one of his inventions was working, only that in Patton’s case it was much stronger. Logan just wasn’t sure how he should describe it.

Shaking his head, he took his tea and sat beside the couch, on the level of Patton’s chest. He leaned over the furniture and took a sip of hot beverage. The rain outside suddenly felt relaxing with the hot drink, warm blanket and peaceful company. The smile on Logan’s face was incredibly peaceful.

All of sudden he felt something stroking hair on the top of his hair. Thinking that it’s a fly or something like that, he shook his head trying to make it fly away. However after few minutes the feeling came back, this time he raised his hand, wanting to slap the fly away. How surprised he was when his hand encountered another one. Much colder, but very perfectly fitting into his own.

“Good morning.” whispered Patton a little bit hoarsely. 

For some strange reason, his voice made Logan’s cheeks burn with a pure fire.

“Good morning, Patton. I hope you had a nice rest.” replied Logan. He wanted to get up and hand Patton the oils that he was taking every day to keep his body perfectly working, but Patton successfully made him stay where he was.

“Yeppers. I had a nice dream. Do you wanna hear about it?” asked Patton. And Logan realized that hearing what was Patton’s dream about was the most important thing on the earth.

“Of course.” he said quietly and hummed quietly as Patton’s cold hand ran through his hair again.

“We were on a ship, I think… I’m not sure I’ve only seen them through the window. Anyway, the sea was peaceful and the sun was disappearing behind the horizon.” Patton’s voice was getting more and more excited.” It was so beautiful. And I could feel the wind! It was absolutely amazing. You were there too! And you held my hand!” he confessed innocently, missing how red Logan’s ears were. “That was it. Just us and the horizon. So dreamy…” he whispered.

“That sounds like an incredibly pleasant dream.” agreed Logan, cursing himself for the small lump in his throat.

“It was.” giggled Patton, sitting up. “You prefer ‘he/him’ today, don’t you Logan?”

Logan laughed shortly, he had no idea how Patton knew that when even he himself wasn’t sure sometimes. “He/him indeed.”

“And hey!” Patton’s hand slipped of Logan’s head and he clapped with delight. “You’re wearing the skirt I made for you! Stand up, let me see you.”

“It’s stupid.” groaned Logan but stood up nonetheless. He put his hands on the hips and straightened up his back. Patton’s eyes were shining with happiness, which in Logan’s opinion was making up for the stupidity of the situation. He even twirled once, earning an explosion of ‘ohs’ and ‘ahs’.

“You look fantastic, Logan! You really could wear anything and you would still look perfect!” cooed Patton, deepening Logan’s blush.

“Well…” Logan hesitated. Compliments weren’t his strong feature, but he really wanted to say something nice- not because he had to, but because he wanted to show Patton how amazing he was. “Your… hair…. Your hair is brown. Brown is a nice colour. Conclusion? Your hair is nice.” he uttered stiffly, avoiding Patton’s gaze, afraid that he messed up again.

Patton must have sensed the nervousness because without a word, he stood up and gently grabbed Logan’s chin, looking him deep into the eyes.

“That was the loveliest thing someone has ever said to me.” he declared and placed a smiley kiss on Logan’s cheek.

Wave upon wave of butterflies flooded Logan inside. The peck felt very nice and he wouldn’t mind receiving it again.

“I can point out more nice things about you.”

“You shouldn’t force yourself.” Laughed Patton, biting his lips.

“Why do you think I would force myself into doing this?” Logan raised his eyebrow at Patton’s statement. “This is simply ridiculous, Patton. I will gladly do that because I want to.”

“Careful Logan, because I may think that you’re flirting with me.” Patton looked away, gently poking Logan’s chest. His finger lightly traced shapes on the surface. 

Logan gulped and he was almost sure that Patton heard it. His mind was racing like it never did.

“So what if I do.” he heard his own voice, saying what his mind had been screaming.

“If you would, I would accept them.” said Patton quietly.

“It’s settled then, you enchanting human.” hummed Logan and, gathering his courage, gently tucking Patton’s hair behind his ear. The touch was very delicate but Patton shivered anyway.

“I can feel it a little bit.” he whispered. “When you touch me, I can feel it a little bit. I have to concentrate a lot but it’s worth it.” he smiled softly, looking up.

Laughing quietly, Logan cupped Patton’s face, moving it a little bit closer to his own.

“I should touch you more often then, I suppose.” he said, his breath touching Patton’s lips. Logan smelt like a dream and a strong tea. Smell was always Patton’s strength. 

Before he knew what he was doing he closed the distance between Logan and him for a few seconds. 

He felt it. He felt Logan’s lips moving against his own. 

And though he didn’t know if it’s because he let himself sink into this feeling or if it’s because he focused solemnly on this action, but Patton had never felt something so intense like this kiss.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

  
  


At first Lo was really cautious around the loud and sharp-tongued Joan. They somehow reminded Lo of Patton, but rude and much less charming. However, after learning each others coming out stories and sharing the struggles they had with their identities, Lo had proudly declared Joan part of their little group by inviting them into the workshop.

“This is absolutely incredible what you’re doing here!” exclaimed Joan, leaning over a bubbling plasma in the jar. “Is this thing alive?” they asked, poking the thick glass.

“It’s hard to call it ‘alive’, it just has an ability to move because of various chemical reactions that constantly occur within the plasma.” explained Lo patiently. “You could easily make it in your own house. But be careful, despite of how it looks, it is extremely frigid.”

It was clear that Lo was happy that they finally could show their workshop to someone else. It’s been over a year since they had a regular customer. Not that Lo really craved for clients, it’s just they, as every scientist and inventor, had a big thirst of showing their pieces of work  to the world. Lo watched Joan roam around the room with proud smile on their face. For the rest of the crew it was part of the daily life, but for Joan, everything was new. And they were really smart with their questions, what made Lo even happier. 

Behind the door Roman and Virgil were having a quiet but pretty vivid conversation regardless an unknown subject. Lo was slowly starting to get used to them constantly arguing. All of their disagreements, no matter how important, were conducted with fiery passion but always ended with mutual agreement, compromise and words of respect for the other side. The couple wasn’t really shy about their feelings for each other. Especially Roman, though it was quite easy to predict. At the same time Virgil was willing to give Roman literally anything the other could have dreamt of. Together they made the sappiest couple Lo had ever seen.

Lo glanced at Patton standing few steps away from them. Their gazes crossed and Lo felt the blush creep on their face. They tried to hide it by adjusting the glasses, but basing on Patton’s reaction - with poor effect. Few days ago, after long conversation, they decided to keep their feelings hidden from their friends for now. Though they weren’t afraid of being outed, they just came to conclusion that they need time to decide how this relationship could actually work and if they were ready for this.

Slowly rocking back and forth, Lo hummed to themselves. To think that their life had took such a weird and twisted direction and that so much had changed over past year...

“Hey. What’s that?” Joan pulled Lo out of the maze of their thoughts.

“Hm?” asked Lo absently, directing their steps to Joan who was pointing at something on the shelf.

“This dark glue, what is it for? It has Patton’s name on it.” asked Joan innocently.

Lo’s eyes widened. It was one of the treatment oils for Patton. They’ve never needed to hide it, since they had no guests and they also never told Joan that Patton in fact had an artificial body. Lo felt Patton’s presence behind their back and glanced over their shoulder, trying to seek help. They had no idea what to do and they didn’t want to tell anything that would harm Patton.

Patton didn’t hesitate even for a second, gracefully passing Lo by, and taking the bottle out of Joan’s hands. He sent them a bright smile.

“It has my name on it because it’s for me. It’s like a medicine, you know…” he explained, taking the cork out of the bottle. The room filled with the heavy scent of thick, oily liquid.

“Bet it doesn’t taste any good.” said Joan, moving a step back. “What kind of herb is that?”

“Oh, well…” Patton laughed quietly. “You see, that’s no herb. It’s exactly what it looks like. An oil.” Putting the bottle right under Joan’s nose.

“Ugh. Definitely doesn’t taste good.” they said when Patton took the bottle away and put the cork back into its place. “What is it for?” asked Joan again exactly when Patton turned around to put the oil back on the shelf.

Lo saw every little move of his body. They saw something akin to a shrug, they saw a shiver going down Patton’s spine, they saw how his body stiffened for a moment. But when Patton faced them again, he was smiling. His eyes shaped like a little crescents.

“Thanks to that little baby, I’m not rusty inside.” declared Patton with the brightest smile as though he was informing them that the weather was going to be sunny and warm for the next week. 

There was a moment of silence between them before Joan burst into laughter.

“You should have seen yourself, Patton!” they kept giggling cheerfully, while Lo and Patton exchanged confused looks. “You should have heard! Patton! You almost sounded as though you could really get rusty inside!” They finished when they finally calmed down.

“But I was completely serious, Joan.” said Patton seriously, and Lo looked at him with surprise in their eyes. They were almost sure that Patton would try to hide that aspect of his being. “Don’t seem so shocked, Lo. There’s no point in hiding this.” pointed Patton as if he was reading in Lo’s mind. “The truth, Joan, is that I’m one of Lo’s marvelous creations. See?” He asked, and without a warning, unbuttoned his shirt revealing a silver, almost smooth surface. He had never asked anyone to cover it with more human-like colour. That part of him, the one close to the heart had to remain the way it was. 

Patton watched Joan’s movements. He knew what they were doing. Though Joan didn’t spend much time with the group, Patton felt that he could trust them. He just felt it. And he also felt the mixture of amazement and disbelief in their heart. It wasn’t negative emotion though. 

“Do you want to check yourself what’s inside?” asked Patton smiling lightly.

Joan shook their head firmly.

“I don’t need any proof.” They declared. Patton started buttoning his shirt again. “Besides, it doesn’t really matter. You’re cool dude, Patton. And I’m not a person who judges by the cover.”

Something about these words made Patton feel so ordinary and he was surprised at how good this felt. That’s right. He wasn’t a machine. He was just Patton.  _ Cool dude, Patton _ . It sounded wonderful. 

Curiously, driven by an inner force, Patton looked at Lo. They were beaming, causing Patton’s smile (if it was possible) to become even wider.

Finally, they left the workshop and, stumbling into Virgil and Roman making out in the hallway (apparently it was the perfect finale of their fight), they arrived to the kitchen where Patton almost instantly started making tea. 

“Someone open the door, Remy is waiting outside.” said Patton casually and indeed few minutes later the barber walked inside the room, followed by Roman and Virgil.

Patton took a fresh tray of cookies out of the cupboard. Lo had no idea when Patton made them. The sweet taste made them share their concerns out loud.

“Patton’s like a fairy godmother! He has his ways!” chuckled Roman.

“You know what they say, through the stomach to the heart.” added Joan, winking at Lo.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” mumbled Lo burying their head between the shoulders, in order to make themselves look smaller.

“Oh you don’t? I’m pretty sure you do.” snickered Joan. “Isn’t that right, Patton?”

The glass which Patton was cleaning for Remy jittered, but the man himself didn’t say anything, shaking his head only. It was hard to tell if it was denial or just a poor attempt to avoid the subject.

“Wait, wait, wait! What are you saying?” gasped Remy. He looked between Patton and Lo. “Guuurl! I mean… guuurl!” he whistled.

“What are you imply- Oooohh…” Virgil’s eyes widened. “Well, that for sure explains a lot.”

Patton laughed lightly as Roman without a word said, started clapping loudly.

“Follow your dreams, Pat!” he said finally.

“Well, this is it of trying to keep this quiet, I suppose.” Lo coughed awkwardly. “All I wanted to ask for is that you shouldn’t treat us differently just because we are in…” they stopped to take a deep breath. “Just because we are in a romantic relationship.”

Clearly holding back his tears, Patton leaned over and hugged Lo from behind tightly. The couple earned a soft ‘aw’ from Virgil.

“I never thought I would see this pal in a relationship, to be honest.” said Remy, nodding. He was visibly delighted with such a turn of events.

“What was that supposed to mean?” Lo frowned, resting their elbows on the table. 

“You have a terrible personality, that’s what!” snorted Remy, crossing his arms on the chest. His silver wrist was reflecting the daylight, making it look like it was made of white gold.

Virgil turned his head away trying to hide the smile. Remy and Lo arguing always put him in a good mood, for some reason. 

His eyes travelled around the room. He felt happy here, in this old kitchen, surrounded by people who didn’t judge him by his social status and about whose status he didn’t care at all. He was thinking of his father, whom he hadn’t seen in weeks. What would he say if he saw Virgil sitting here? Maybe it was a little bit of a cruel thing that he wanted to do to himself, but he wanted his father to see him. Just to have the last proof that this man wasn’t a good person nor a decent father. A confirmation of something Virgil had been suspecting for years… If he had that last, final proof he could just start over. Somewhere, maybe far away from here.

“Virgil? Oi, Virge, honey?” Roman nagged his ribs. Virgil shook his head, sending Roman a confused look. “You appear to be troubled with something…” he added, voice a little bit more quiet, discreet. The rest of the table was still playfully arguing with each other.

“It’s alright. Just some… stuff on my mind.” he smiled wanting to calm Roman down. 

Even if the latter was unconvinced he decided to give up the subject for now, since it clearly was uncomfortable for Virgil.

“Oh! By the by! You have no idea what a little bitch told me!” recalled Remy.

“I think you meant ‘little bird’.” Patton shook his head.

“I said what i said.” Remy clicked his tongue.

“Nice one.” pointed Joan, leaning back on their chair.

“Anyway, little bitch has told me that today is a certain gala…” Remy started slyly. “The exact same event Lo and I took part in some time ago…”

Patton gasped loudly and suddenly the whole room fell silent. Even Joan who wasn’t introduced into the subject could clearly feel that it was some big deal.

“Let’s go there.” said Patton finally. His voice was calmer than the ocean after the storm.

“But Patton, do you-” Lo stopped in the middle of the sentence not sure what they wanted to say. They wanted to say something. It felt appropriate to say something but they had no words. 

“I really want to go. Last gala was a turning point in the life of most people in this room. It affected us all.” cleared Patton, getting up. “It’s only fair for me and Roman to go and see this event ourselves. Of course, if the rest of you don’t wanna go, I will understand.”

“True. I am where I am thanks to that gala. I want to see it with my own eyes.” agreed Roman and took Patton’s hand in his. “I will gladly accompany you, friend.”

“If Roman’s going so am I.” said Virgil, sighing.

“And I’m gonna tag along whether you like it or not.” Joan raised their hand.

Lo looked around and sighed.

“I suppose, I’m going too… Now?”

“It’s impolite to be late to the party.” smiled Remy, already standing in the doors.

 

~~~

 

Going outside was a whole new experience for Patton. His eyes were shining whenever something new appeared on the line of horizon. The way down the street was filling Patton with incredible amount of joy. He kept pointing how different the world was from the things he had read in the books. Occasionally, he was also frowning and shyly stated that he remembered some aspects from the time he was still small, round and nameless. 

All the time he was tightly gripping Lo’s arm (sometimes digging his fingers a little bit too hard), as if he didn’t want the wind to take him up in the air, as if he was looking for an anchor. And Lo was happy to serve this purpose. Patton’s eyes were filled with an awe and that was the most wonderful reward anyway.

“Everything smells so nice.” whispered Patton dreamingly. Remy and Lo exchange confused looks. For them the air smelled like dirt, mud and pollution.

“One day we will take you outside the city. The air is much purer there…” said Roman, recalling the memories from his past. “It smells like freedom and joy. It is truly no match with the vapors we breathe in here. The fresh air makes you feel like you could do everything!”

Joan’s lips quirked up. They saw the look in Roman’s eyes that they remembered from the time they lived together. His hazelnut orbs were radiating with foggy dreams with a pinch of adventure. Only one thing was new, was it sadness or maturity… Joan couldn’t state which one was that, for sure.

It was Sunday and the streets were quite busy and crowded. They probably wouldn’t drag so much attention if Virgil, looking like his elegant, expensive, high-quality self wasn’t there with them. And he knew that. He knew that way too well. He saw that in the eyes of the merchants and passerbys. And he was ashamed because he knew that the others were too absorbed to see that. 

That’s why he made sure to be left behind by accident. He felt in his bones that they wouldn’t notice and that his silent person was almost unnecessary. The last thing he wanted was to ruin Patton’s first trip and drag too much attention. They would simply rejoin at the gala. Virgil was good at disappearing. Even his own father didn’t remember him for most of the time. Who knows- maybe he had already wiped the memory of his son out of his memory?

He slowed down his steps, letting the crowd slip between him and the rest of the group. He had no problem making his way through. Lower social classes were just as prejudiced as higher classes. Another proof that in fact everyone was the same. Virgil sighed, watching Roman’s back and his curly, soft hair disappearing in the sea of people, and turned into narrow alley. He knew the way. And if he didn’t, he would find it. 

And so Virgil was strolling, through the blissfully empty area filled with nothing more than old, rusty shacks and homeless cats. Everything smelt like fish, which shouldn’t be surprising considering the fact that it was the harbour district, but this fact came to his realization for the first time in months. 

Suddenly, through coated with clouds sky, peaked the sun. Its warm rays poured on the streets of the city. Virgil smiled, instantly deciding to turn into yet another, more light street when a person stood in his way. The sun was lighting this man from behind. Honey-like rays were warming up the color of his hair, making it look like liquid golden copper.

Roman looked utterly beautiful and enchanting. 

The expression on his face did not.

“You thought you’d run away from me?” He asked, arms crossed on the chest.

“It’s not that… It’s just…” Virgil blushed. “God, I just didn’t fit into the scenery…”

“You mean you’re too good for us after all?” Roman’s eyes hardened.

“Shit, no.” Virgil shook his head. Anxiety raising up in his stomach.  _ Of course  _ that _ he would say it in a wrong way. Of course that he made a mistake even though he wanted to do something good. _ “I just bought too much attention on you. I didn’t want to ruin anything…”

For a moment, Roman’s eyes remained sharp as knives before the serious look softened. It might have been the longest moment in Virgil’s life.

“No one cares if you drag attention, Virgil.” said Roman finally taking a step closer. In the sun, he appeared like an angel. “You are part of the group. In fact, you helped to bring us together. Besides, weren’t you the one who said that we are all equal?” he asked with a wink.

Virgil exhaled loudly. It felt as though a great bourden was taken from his heart. His lips melted into a delicate, shy smile.

“That I said for sure.”

“Wonderful.” grinned Roman taking Virgil’s hand and pressing a butterfly kiss on his knuckles. “Now, we should probably go. The rest promised to wait for us in front of the entrance. They were worried too, you know?”

The smile on Virgil’s face widened, though his eyes shined with disbelief. He shook his head.

Somehow covering the same way with Roman was much more pleasant. The nasty scent in the air suddenly didn’t bother Virgil anymore and the cats seemed almost majestic. Soon they entered a big square. A hangar was situated on the opposite side. It wasn’t hard to notice a small group of people standing in front of the main door. Joan waved to Roman.

“Took you long enough to find him, Roman.” snorted Remy with fake annoyance. 

“Oh, please Remy. We had more time to explore this incredible place!” giggled Patton.

“Yes, that was pure delight.” agreed Lo, even though all of them knew that they said that only because of Patton.

“Sorry about that.” mumbled Virgil, looking at the ground.

“Oh, don’t sweat it, honey.” smiled Roman, and Virgil growled.

“I thought that we agreed on the pet names.” 

“I couldn’t miss an opportunity to embarrass you in the fellowship.”

“Hey, ladies. Keep the flirting in the bedroom.” Remy snapped his fingers and pointed at the door. Lo and Patton were already coming inside.

The hall was just as Lo remembered it. Cold, metallic and a little bit rusty. It felt like nothing had changed since the last time they were there. They looked at Patton beside them. 

_ Everything had changed.  _

It felt weird that this time- they weren’t there in the role of a scientist slash inventor. Just a simple visitor. Visitor with their friends. They thought that probably somewhere in the crowd, there were the people who kicked them out of the event last time. Maybe even that bastard Josh. This thought made them a little bit tense.

Meanwhile Patton and Joan looked like they entered a playground. They kept running around the whole building, nagging the people (that was mostly Patton) and asking many questions (mostly Joan). Lo once again scanned the space. It seemed to be safe for now.

Remy visibly kept his distance close to Lo. They weren’t sure why, but also didn’t mind. They never minded Remy’s company and if they could bring some sort of comfort just by their presence, they would gladly allow that. With surprise, Lo thought that maybe a year ago, they wouldn’t have thought about Remy this way. They would still do that sure but they just wouldn’t dwell into these warm feelings. Lo changed and they knew that.

The next few events rolled like an avalanche. 

Firstly, Virgil gasped and Roman cried because Virgil dug his long fingers into Roman’s arm. 

Secondly, some man yelled “YOU”.

Thirdly, Patton, on his way to Virgil, accidentally stumbled into a table and some invention fell down causing a loud clash.

Lo turned around, worry filling his eyes. Everyone in the hall of the hangar fell silent.

“You!” repeated the man, pointing at Virgil. His face was distorter with anger, while Virgil’s one showed pure horror.

It wasn’t hard to notice the resemblance between these two. Even though they weren’t exactly the same, their eyes were shaped in a similar way, not to mention general face features. Even their aura was similar.

“What are you doing here?” growled Virgil, trying to keep himself calm. Roman squeezed his shoulder from behind.

“I’m trying to achieve something in which you failed. Boy.” Replied the man, the last word being spilled with venom and hate.

“Suddenly just a ‘boy’?” Virgil laughed. “Well, I should have expected that, father.” He said the last sentence a little bit louder, dragging attention of most people nearby. Their curious eyes were piercing Virgil and his father. And for once Virgil didn’t feel fear.

“I knew I’ve heard that voice already.” whispered Roman quietly. 

In front of them was standing no one other than Coenraad van Dijk, tha same man who led to Roman’s parents death. Rage filled Roman’s veins. His knuckles turned white. He wanted to stand in front of Virgil and protect him from all the bad that could come from Virgil’s father. And then kick this creature into the sea. He wanted revenge. But there are battles one should fight alone. Some battles just weren’t his own. No one could win this fight better than Virgil. All Roman could do was loyally standing beside. He knew that Virgil would fight in his own name too. He looked around himself, Lo, Patton, Remy and even Joan were already standing by his side. Roman smiled. _“_ You’re not alone, Virgil.” he said out loud.. “And, say just one thing and I will fight this man till the last drop of my blood.” he added.

“Look at you, Virgil.” Coenraad said through clenched teeth, apparently Roman’s words didn’t reach his ears. “You surround yourself with the most pathetic bunch in the world. Didn’t I raise you well? You could live in the luxuries till the end of your life!”

“Enough.” stated Virgil quietly but without a result.

“Instead you chose living with human garbage. Do you think I haven’t heard about your financial problems? Oh, I have. I just choose not to do anything about it. You shouldn’t have failed me. You should have-”

“I said enough!” repeated Virgil, taking few steps forward. He glanced over his shoulder. “Each of them is ten times better than you!” He turned to face his friends. “Do you see this person in an apron? That’s the genius of our times! The man beside them-” Virgil pointed at Patton. “Yes, the one with glasses. This is the miracle, true scientific miracle. So much more of a human than you. Remy over there? One of the most honest and helpful people I know. Joan… Well, I haven’t known them for long, but I know from a trusted source that they’ve been through a lot and look! They are still standing! And finally,” Virgil’s voice softened. “Do you see the man with a soft halo instead of hair? Whose eyes are the most treasured thing on the world? This man over there is a survivor that escaped you. The one who had been so strong, even though world and you tried to break him. The one who absolutely won me the moment I saw him. Roman del Rey himself.”

Virgil turned back to Coenraad, whose eyes were wide with shock for a moment. Virgil couldn’t tell what was behind that surprise: was it the fact that Virgil had finally stood for himself or the fact that Roman was alive and well. Probably a mixture of both. He watched Coenraad’s eyes travel to Roman’s face, looking for a resemblance to his parents. An anger and embarrassment flashed through his face, when Coenraad’s eyes narrowed and his lips parted to say something. He was however cut off by Virgil, who wasn’t gonna let his father interrupt him ever again. Who wasn’t gonna let his father disgrace Roman any more.

“With these people having my back, I can say that I don’t need you in my life.” he said and without a warning punched his father right in his face. And then again. 

Blood was covering Virgil’s knuckles and he was panting heavily. The moment passed, seeing his father resting his hand on his knee, the other trying to stop the nosebleed, broke something in him. He let his handkerchief fall down. Coenraad grabbed it quickly and it hit Virgil how pathetic his father looked. The humiliation was visible in his posture, eyes and could be felt in the air. And suddenly Virgil’s didn’t pity him anymore. Because he realized that the eyes of the audience were the worst punishment his father could get.

“My mercy is the last thing you deserve. Not to mention Roman’s forgiveness.” Virgil said calmly. “This is the last time you’re gonna see me. Don’t look for me. You wouldn’t be able to find me anyway since, I assume, you’ve been blinded by your fortune and ego, since a long time ago.” 

He didn’t feel any shade of guilt when he passed his father by. The rest of the group followed his footsteps. 

Roman kept his head high. He was hurting. He was hurting that his parents’ murderer was still alive. But he knew that he couldn’t kill him. Neither now, nor ever. He was better than that. However, he did smile when Joan spat at Coenraad’s feet.

In the entrance, a man stopped the group. More precisely- he stopped Lo and Patton. Lo blinked. Round face… notebook made out of leather… something was similar about that guy. It took him a moment to recognise him-  the head of the jury.

“I’m sorry, Mister…” The man started, ignoring Lo’s quiet denial. “I would be interested in buying your magnificent invention.” He pointed at Patton. “You can be rich! Because it is truly  wonderful! It looks just like a normal person!”

Lo blinked few times, trying to proceed man’s words. Patton beside him shifted on his spot.

“But sir,” said Lo finally. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Patton is a normal person. Therefore he is not for sale.” They said calmly. “Now if you excuse us, we have a business to attend. Something more worthy of our presence.” Their hand found its way to Patton’s.  They were about to walk away when Lo stopped for one last time and looking straight at the male in front of them said: “And it’s not a ‘mister’. Please respect that.”

Patton shot Lo a bright smile and squeezed their hand. He could feel pride vibrating through Lo’s body. For the first time in their life, they stood for their right to be addressed the way they wanted in public. 

The door closed behind them. Even though it was raining, the sun was peeking behind clouds. Lo looked at the sky and their lips spread in a wide grin. The rainbow was running bright and colorful across the sky. 

From the building, the group could hear the angry screams of Coenraad van Dijk.

 

~~~

 

_ Epilogue _

 

They were standing on the front part of the deck.  Gentle wind caressed their faces and hair. The view was wonderful. Sky was clear as they were drifting through the middle of the sea, towards the unknown. It was a warm evening and so where the feelings in their hearts.

It was Roman’s idea, actually. Being clear that they wouldn’t find peace in the place they used to call home, Roman suggested moving to the country from his memories. 

Joan offered help. 

Remy decided to tag along, he said that his life would be boring without that mess.

Logan said that he needed inspiration anyway.

Patton didn’t even question the idea.

Virgil had nothing to miss for anymore.

Golden rays were reflecting in the water, making it look as though they were sailing through the ocean of gold and diamonds. And Logan thought that this was inspiration. Not the dark box he used to live at. He looked to the back at Patton. His fluffy, brown hair was ruffled by the wind. That was his other inspiration. He knew that only now, at peace with himself, he could start over. His machines stayed at home. Maybe someone would find them useful someday.

With the corner of his eye, Patton caught the sight of Logan staring. He smiled and his smile was somehow brighter than the sun. Logan mirrored the smile. It was genuine. Patton looked back at the sea. For a moment, he thought he saw something under the unclear water. Maybe it was past or maybe a jellyfish. He would never know. He looked back at Logan. His smile widened.

Virgil couldn’t say that he wasn’t nervous. He went against everything he was taught from the youngest age. He thought of his mother, watching over him from the sky. Hopefully she was still rooting for him. He unbuttoned the top of his shirt. Chilly wind touched his skin but he didn’t shiver. 

Roman was leaning over the balustrade. Even though he spent those last couple of years living in the harbor, he had forgotten how the sea really smelt like. He took a deep breath in, a soft smile decorating his lips. Thinking about all the changes that were about to come, he closed his eyes. Everything would be different from now on, but he was sure that it was just the natural course of events. The first cogwheel was already on the route, there was no way to stop it. Roman opened his eyes.

They were sailing towards their new horizons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked this fic and appreciate 6 months of my hard work you can consider supporting me on KO-FI:
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/C0C7D2YP


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